kelly hawkins

God's Guidance

2011-09-03T19:32:00.004-05:00

Six days ago, I sent this to just a few close friends who knew about our search for a canine companion. Just reading this again tonight was a good reminder for me, so I decided I would share it here on my blog as well...

In Larry Crabb’s blog*, he recently said that he got in the mail “…Dr. James Houston’s most recent book, in pre-published manuscript form. The title drew me to know that Aslan was moving ahead of me, guiding my search….”

Wow. I’m not facing cancer like Larry is. I’m just lamenting at the deferred hope of getting what I thought was the pet/companion I’ve desired since I was 16 and had to give away my best friend, my German Shepherd, Shadow. I was not looking to replace her; just to enjoy the beautiful companionship that a German Shepherd is capable of and provide a companion for Adam as well…not to mention the benefit it could be to our whole family. We’ve been searching on and off for almost two years, and then while the search was “off”, an amazing opportunity dropped in our laps. It seemed nearly perfect; much more than I had anticipated. And an hour before we were to pick him up, his owner decided it would be best to give him to someone else. I was crushed.

“…to know that Aslan was moving ahead of me, guiding my search” stood out as I began reading Larry’s blog. I love the reassurance God provides that He is working! Not necessarily to give us everything we’re searching for, but to go ahead of us in our search to give us what is best. Maybe His guiding my search may lead me to just the right dog for us; or His guidance may direct me elsewhere where something even more significant awaits. What I do know is that I can rest peacefully in hope as I look ahead to “Sunday” even while I’m experiencing “Friday.”

Larry talked about the crucifixion being on Friday. The disciples were confused; they thought He was ‘The One’ they were waiting for, and then He died. Their hope was suddenly deferred and their hearts were sick. When Sunday came, confusion still lingered when His body came up missing. But when Truth and the big picture were finally revealed on Sunday, they were filled with joy and praise.

Larry said, “And yet the more I focus on Sunday’s resurrection, the more surprised I am by the joy and the adventure of hope that lies deep in my center, and by the privilege God has given to me to reveal Him in hard times. I’m discovering that is in my center as well. …. Friday’s fact impacts me. I wish it were different. But Sunday’s truth lifts me into the heavens. And heaven is working backward.”

The pain involved in the events of “Friday” hurts, but knowing that transformation, resurrection and hope follow after Friday, my heart becomes lighter…and I’m able to delight in a God who is “moving ahead of me….” And not just moving ahead, but moving ahead of ME.

I’m looking at what God has done in Allison’s life just in the past few days…how she was totally opposed to all dogs and in the last few days has become pretty relaxed about the idea of actually getting a dog (a big one at that)…and it only cost me a door knob with a lock and a Butterfinger. :) And Adam. He told me, “[This dog] should be ours.” I told him about how I was restless last night and was praying that God would make it very clear whether or not this was the dog for us. Then I told him, “I guess it doesn’t get any clearer than that!” We talked about how God has used this process to bring about some really good things, and, as we continue to pray, He’ll do what’s best and maybe bring us something even better. He hugged me with compassion and told me he’s sorry we didn’t get the dog, and I hugged him and told him I’m sorry he doesn’t get a running partner ...yet. :/ He smiled.

And regardless of “what” lies ahead for me, even better, I know HE lies ahead for me.

*For Larry Crabb’s full blog: http://newwayministries.org/blog/

What Storm?

2011-07-22T13:03:00.006-05:00

Jesus was standing on the water while Peter and the disciples were in the boat. Jesus called to Peter to get out of the boat and come walking on the water to Him. Imagine if Peter's response was, "Lord, that's a very nice offer, but if I get out of this boat, it's a very lonely, scary place between where my friends are and where you are. So, no thanks." Or maybe He didn't realize that lonely place till he actually stepped out and then found himself in that chasm of loneliness where he had no friends to directly lean on and found himself in impossible circumstances without an undistracted view of Jesus. The winds picked up and the waves came into view....

Have you been in that place? ...with one of those responses?

Currently, I'm relating to the second scenario. I can see my friends nearby, but God has me in such a place that I can't lean on them for security and yet the winds are blowing and the waves keep distracting me from fixing my eyes on Jesus..."the author and perfecter of my faith" (Hebrews 12.2). In that place is the chasm of loneliness. Put yourself there just for a minute. You can't reach your friends in ways that would really help you feel secure, and you can't seem to find the hand of Jesus extended out to take yours because you're not looking for it--you're not set on finding it...instead your eyes are filled with the mist from the wind over the water and you see the waves about the engulf you...and you quickly realize that what you're trying to accomplish is impossible.

But He knows His plans for me, plans for good (Jeremiah 29.11), and we both know He has authority over the winds and the waves in my life.

Luke 8.24-25 says, "The disciples went and woke him, saying, 'Master, Master, we’re going to drown!' He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. 'Where is your faith?' he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, 'Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.'"

So the response that will bring me peace and be the most pleasing and useful to Him is when my attention is fixed on Him and what He's doing rather than on the creepy storms surrounding me. He has authority, not the storm. I want my focus and confidence to be so fixed on Him that my response to the storm is, "What storm?" ...allowing me to be filled with peace.

Understood? Understood.

2011-05-10T22:01:00.002-05:00

No one understood me as a child. I was quiet and seldom talked, so I was labeled as shy. No one understood the reasons I wouldn't talk. No one understood the fears and emotional pain I struggled with.

As I got older, more and more people misunderstood more and more things about me. People misunderstood my distance in relationship. Some didn't notice; some thought I was self-centered; no one understood that I had been sexually abused and struggled to trust in relationship.

As the years passed, I recognized how I was created...as a deep thinker and a writer who processes things in so much detail that it comes out slowly. People misunderstood and determined that there was something wrong with me because I didn't speak or read or comprehend information as fast as they did.

I continue to be misunderstood on a daily basis. Sometimes it's because the listener isn't listening well. Sometimes it's because our varied experiences create confusion, ...or many other reasons. One thing, though, has been a constant source of comfort for me in being misunderstood: Jesus has always understood me. He understands what it feels like to be abused, to have your words or actions judged as different from what's true. And He knows and understands every intimate detail about me. Psalm 139, and the peace He gives me in relationship with Him, confirm it.

Understood? Understood.

Perseverance

2011-04-28T11:05:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking about an email I got from my friend, Stacy, this morning. In it she mentioned how I persevere...and that people just don't do that anymore. That stirred my emotions, and I wasn't even sure why at first, so I processed through it.

I think it's that I know it's right to persevere, and finally someone verbalized what I know to be true...that people, in general, don't do it anymore. It's not the norm in our society. Certainly, I have friends who do persevere in various ways, and I'm grateful for them.

But perseverance is why I had such a hard time with a friend's divorce...knowing they struggled much like my husband and I have struggled in our marriage, yet my friend, ultimately, didn't persevere. There are many times when I want to quit too, so I guess it makes me feel more alone and on my own, reminding me that I really am a stranger in this world.

I know this world is not my home, and in time there will be ultimate relief. I realize that now is the time to persevere and to fight the good fight of faith. I wish that more people--more Christians--would fight that fight rather than the fight for comfort...for what feels good in the moment (from sex to food to shopping and accumulating lots of luxuries). I can easily fall into that temptation too, and often wrestle against it, but I want to keep my mind fixed on what truly matters...where true life happens...where joy and peace really can exist... "on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith"; not the perfecter of our comfort, although one day I will have that as well...but then it will be a resting comfort rather than an escaping comfort.

I realize, too, that in order to fight for faith rather than comfort, we need to deal with some root issues in our lives...looking at why we do what we do. That's one thing I love about LifeCare...it's a place to do that and find freedom from things that drive our behaviors that are not best for us. It's interesting that Stacy mentioned my perseverance today because I've noticed lately that I'm being more drawn to comfort in the face of some struggles. I don't want a passion for comfort to drive my behavior and the decisions I make. So I'm thankful that God and LifeCare are helping me discern some root issues there this week so I can live freely as God intended.

We are all called to persevere. Who is willing to answer that call with me?

I'm ready to grow up (my prayer)

2010-12-17T13:14:00.002-05:00

Lord, help me to be a woman...

...of understanding ...even when I'm not understood.
...who listens well ...even when I'm not heard.
...who cares tenderly ...even when I'm not cared for.
...who loves ...even when I'm hated.
...who sympathizes ...even when my own feelings are missed.
...who speaks life into the lives of others ...even when I face death.

...because my security and stability and peace are provided in You
...who understands, listens, cares, loves, knows and connects with every one of my feelings, and renews my life day after day...perfectly.

The Road Out of Bondage

2010-11-19T09:26:00.003-05:00

(I just found this in a journal last night...I had written it in August of 2004.)

When God brought Israel out of Egypt, out of their bondage, they rejoiced...they celebrated...they saw victory.

But the road out, and God's leading to the promised land, wasn't as flowery and pleasant as they had hoped and expected. God promises us that we'll end up in a beautiful place, but the journey to it may be filled with difficulty, disappointment, apparent hopelessness, obstacles, etc.

When the Israelites started experiencing difficulties on their journey, they wanted to turn back and return to their bondage. To us, sometimes it feels like it was and would be so much easier to just go back and live in those self-protective ways that held us in bondage. Like when I was more quiet and shy and didn't speak what was on my mind, people didn't necessarily enjoy me very often, but they had no reason to oppose me. I lived without much conflict, which at times, entices me back. But something inside me, that longed to live out truth was buried and denied a voice. It was kept in bondage. As God has drawn me out of that bondage and given me a voice to speak what is real in my heart, it has also brought much disruption to my own life as well as others.

The temptation to go back to the safety of bondage continually lurks about. But reality is that God is leading me out of bondage, sometimes through dry deserts, dangerous wilderness, and at times face to face with enemies, and His unexpected, wild journey for my life will find a "land flowing with milk and honey." In other words, if we faithfully continue on the journey, we will eventually and ultimately enter into the place of his perfect provision, a place of fulfilling joy and delight, freedom and peace.

She fell asleep while I was talking

2010-11-19T08:26:00.004-05:00

I remember one of my roommates in college would get irritated with me when we would be talking late at night, lights out, ready to sleep...except for my thoughts that were wide awake. What irritated her wasn't that I would start talking at those hours; it was that I would pause and keep asking her if she was still awake. Often, the response was an exasperated, "Yes, I'm still awake."

I didn't understand it so well at the time, but one of my strongest love languages is Quality Time. When my roommate back in college would engage in that time with me and listen to me and talk with me, I felt loved and valued. There were times, though, when she would fall alseep while I was talking. In those times, having exposed my heart to vulnerability, her falling asleep brought a sense of being devalued and unloved.

Whatever our love language is, it's in that place that we often feel the most loved AND unloved.

After getting married, there were frequent times when my thoughts, as usual, would wake up and be ready for conversation as soon as the lights went out. There were occasional times when my husband just could not keep his eyes open and eventually fell asleep. Guess what emotions surfaced? Yep, those same devalued and unloved feelings. Eventually, I put up walls of self-protection and just chose to stop communicating at those times and buried the hurt rather than talk through it and find a way to make that communication work better.

This past year, a good friend and I were able to get away for a weekend. She has always amazed me with her ability to listen to me and she has told me, "You're easy to listen to; I don't know how anyone could fall asleep when you're talking. I enjoy listening to you." We're both 'night people', and to start our weekend away, after a full day, we drove all through the night...arriving at our destination at 7am...with me driving the whole time AND talking the majority of the time. We were both wide awake all through the night. She was so engaged and attentive. I felt so loved.

Last summer I spent a weekend with her. We had had an extremely full and exhausting day of ministry by the time we were winding down at 11pm, when she told all of us from our team that she was exhausted. So we went back to our room and got ready for bed. Each of us read over notes for the next day and then checked our email and facebook, chatting a bit as we did. Then, as we were winding down, I shut the light off and then asked her a question. We continued to talk for a little while, then I think I got a bit long-winded. When I heard the deeper breathing, I paused and quietly asked the most revealing question, "Are you still awake?"

Silence.

I remember feeling stunned and sad at first...and disbelief, but then there was an overwhelming sense of gratitude. In the past, I would have been hurt and offended, but in this moment, I remembered that she had said she was exhausted THREE HOURS earlier. And here she had still engaged in time with me for 3 hours!! And she had, quite literally, poured herself out for me to where she had absolutely nothing left to offer. I was humbled and immensely grateful for her sacrificial love.

The next morning I told her about it...but not as someone who was wounded or wanting to change her. But, instead, as someone who was deeply grateful and very, very richly blessed! Understanding Truth had set me free.

Could I possibly be wrong???

2010-11-10T09:33:00.003-05:00

Someone told me a while back, "You always think you're right, and you justify yourself." And then, not long ago, one of my kids said the same thing to me. My reaction to that is, "If I thought what I was doing was wrong, I wouldn't do it." So of course I'll think I'm right...and I can justify why I believe what I'm doing is right.

But I think there's a reason the comment is still resonating in my mind...and that more than one person said it.... I guess if someone (and esp if more than one person) is confronting me about something, I suppose it's possible, in my limited perspective, that I could be missing something.
I'm seeing that I need to be open to the possibility that my perspective could be distorted.

Paul (Saul at the time) was passionate about the things he was doing in the name of God and convinced that his actions were right. It didn't occur to him that anything was wrong in his actions until God blinded him and confronted him about "persecuting" God Himself. (Acts 9)

When his distorted perspective was revealed and healed, he didn't run away from the Truth or continue to justify himself. Instead, Saul was changed (even his name was changed to Paul) and he went forward with the same passion, but a new perspective, having had his eyes opened to the Truth.

I'm now praying for the courage to be wrong...and to acknowledge it and move forward in Truth.

Opposition or Acceptance

2010-10-26T13:24:00.002-05:00

I've been opposed at times in an attempt to be changed. I've also opposed others in an attempt to change them. I've found that it doesn't work. The times I've been most aware of my need to change and been the most humbled and ready for change are the times that I've been unconditionally accepted and known that I was loved deeply.

The Bible says that "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." I heard that verse used as justification for opposing me when someone has seen something in me that they don't think is right. In those times, the opposition has been harsh and I dig my heals in and tend to fight back.

It's interesting that I don't see God opposing me in those times. I think what that verse means is that there are some with hearts that are hardened in arrogance to seek their own way. There are others who have been so hurt that they build a wall of protection around their heart. The appearance can look very similar, but God is able to discern the difference and approach the arrogance with opposition and the wall with tender compassion that allows that person to lower the wall and humbly receive the tender, accepting, compassion.

My natural tendency, when I feel negatively impacted by someone, is to oppose them. Yet, I know that it's acceptance that draws me to see what's lacking in myself. When I'm loved really well, I see how much I fall short in loving well, and it humbles me and melts my heart. As Kari Jobe sings, "This love is so deep; it's more than I can stand. I melt in Your peace; it's overwhelming."*

*from the song, "The More I Seek You"

Are You Sovereign?

2010-10-13T14:23:00.002-05:00

I've been noticing a tendency in myself lately that where I see wrong, I feel a need to attack it, especially when it impacts my kids.

I started wondering what the story of Joseph would have looked like in Genesis 38-50 if I would have been Joseph's mother. If you haven't read the story, go read it now so you have the context.

If I would have been Joseph's mother...

I would have gotten family counseling for our blended family issues.
I would have pursued discipline for the brothers.
I would have cautioned Joseph to try not to sound like he's bragging.
I would have had my husband get some sort of coats for his other sons.
I would have had Joseph's brothers take me to the scene of the crime.
If I would have found out that he was sold into slavery, I would have followed the trade route into the city, with a sketch of my son, hired detectives if necessary, and found him.
I would have either sought to buy him out of slavery OR hired a good lawyer to get him back, whether he was still living in the palace or in prison by now.
I would have fought against Potiphar and/or Pharaoh to whatever extent I could come up with resources to fight.
If I couldn't get him out of prison, I would have been praying AND strategizing every day, and visiting him daily.

My life would have been given to preserving his life, ...and everyone would have seen it as noble.
...and maybe that is all fine and the right thing to do.

But the real question comes down to: do I have my faith in God's sovereignty or my own? That's a question only God and the heart know the answer to.

Even when Joseph had no human to take up his defense, he still had God's sovereignty. He trusted that God could use anything for good, even in the midst of complete chaos and destruction. And because of Joseph's faith in God's sovereignty, he was able to see God create beauty from chaos.

Where do we have our faith? ...in God's sovereignty or our own?

Fishing?

2010-09-28T12:43:00.002-05:00

There are many good things about fishing; Jesus even chose some fishermen when He chose His disciples; in fact, His closest friends were fishermen. But Jesus actually told them to leave their fishing and come with Him, and He would teach them to fish for men.

How do you fish for men though? Some women could provide many ideas, but that’s not what I’m referring to here. Jesus wanted to reach men/people with the Good News of the Gospel, and He taught His disciples to fish for or reach people with this hope by His example of teaching, healing and serving. This is good fishing.

But not all fishing is good. Our own wounds can get in the way of our good fishing and corrupt our process. I’m sure you’ve experienced the type of fisherman who fishes for compliments, affirmation or security. Instead of giving out of purity, the gift becomes a trapping, painful lure.

Imagine being a fish and having a loving person drop tasty worms in the water to you….just because that person loves you, the fish and wants to bless you and pour life into you...kind of like we do with the fish in our fish tank at home. Then imagine that the same person, instead of purely seeking to pour life into you, is also craving something from you, maybe compliments and affirmation. That person wants to bless you, but their craving corrupts the intent. Now when that person drops the tasty worm into the water, you quickly come to realize that there’s a hook inside that worm and you are completely unable to enjoy what was offered because all that you feel is the sting of the barb and the painful control of the hook.

Possibly the most painful part for us, as the fish, is that the hook is disguised and hidden beneath something enjoyable and life-giving. Judas comes to mind. Being Jesus' disciple and friend, Judas sought out Jesus and kissed His face (Matthew 26.49). Vine's Dictionary describes the verse about this kiss as being more than the typical cultural kiss of brotherhood(1); the meaning in this context is a "kiss of genuine devotion". And in the next moment, the painful hook sunk into the heart of Jesus. Judas chose to corrupt a life-giving act in an attempt to gain something for himself. Whatever he was hoping to gain, though, cost him his life.

Jesus set an example for fishing for people--not to hide lures beneath what is beautiful, but to love through teaching, healing and serving by the Fruit of His Spirit. Life will come out of that.

(1) In Matthew 26.48, Judas tells the Jewish leaders that he will give them a sign by kissing the one they should arrest. Vine's Dictionary describes the use of the word "kiss" in this verse as a sign of brotherhood and love.

My heart hurts

2010-09-11T19:43:00.005-05:00

My heart hurts. It brings Jesus to mind because His heart hurt too. When His good friend, Lazarus, died, and then Jesus talked with his sisters, He cried, along with Mary and the Jews that were comforting her. But "Jesus' weeping differed from that of the people. His quiet shedding of tears (edakrysen) differed from their loud wailing (klaiontas, v.33). His weeping was over the tragic consequences of sin."1

When I look at circumstances surrounding me, I see the sin that is causing turmoil, and my heart breaks. Certainly, it impacts me in painful ways, and in many ways I also relate to Mary who was weeping because of the pain in her circumstances, and because the One man she knew could have helped, didn't come in her timing.

My heart sometimes hurts more deeply than necessary because my faith, like Mary's, is limited. I know Jesus promises to save me when I need to be saved and call on Him (Romans 10.13, "For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved"), but my limited faith and developing my own ideas of what being "saved" looks like keep me from resting in that promise.

Like Mary mourning the death of her brother for four days, believing his death to be beyond Jesus' saving, she lost hope. My circumstances may look similar and sometimes feel beyond Jesus' saving, but as I weep over the "tragic consequences of sin" that encircle my circumstances, I must also fill my heart and mind with the Truth of who Jesus is and what He promises me.

The Truth is, it is never too late for resurrection. The Truth is, He will save me in His perfect timing in a perfect way when I'm trusting Him (Rom. 10.13). The Truth is, everything will work together for good when God has called us to Himself and we respond out of love for Him (Rom. 8.28). Feel free to comment with more Truth. It's the Truth that will set us free (Jn. 8.32).

Let's keep filling our minds with Truth allowing our faith to grow strong.

1Walvoord, John F. & Roy B. Zuck. The Bible Knowledge Commentary. Cook Communications: Colorado Springs, CO; 2000.

Washed Clean: How to deal with nakedness

2010-06-30T22:56:00.002-05:00

I like to have a clean vehicle, and although I keep it clean inside, the outside seems to make it through the car wash only about once a year. Yesterday was that day for this year.

I had just gotten home from an 1100 mile trip of night driving which left the windshield severely splattered with bugs. I noticed the gradual increase in bug-coverage as we drove along, but just adapted to the reduced visibility as needed, especially since I forgot to clean the windshield when we stopped for gas. Somehow I just got used to looking through the bug infestation to see the road and the world beyond.

Yesterday, though, I went to the car wash where some intense scrubbing took place. As I drove away, there was a strange feeling of exposure with having such a clean view--knowing I could see out, and others could see in, more authentically. Nothing was hidden--nothing was hiding me--and I felt almost naked...like some significant covering was missing. It was awkward and uncomfortable, yet it was good and right to be clean and to have the impurities and distortions removed.

Sometimes I feel that way with my life. I can get so used to distortions in my life that it feels uncomfortable when they're removed. For example, for much of my adult life, I ran to people to help me feel secure. It was an unhealthy dependence I had on them, and they typically felt a demandingness from me to meet my needs. Although the security it provided was never sufficient, it still provided some sense of security.

Several years ago, the pain it brought to my friendships began to outweigh the benefit, and I knew something had to change. With God's help, I loosened my grip on my friendships and began an intentional pursuit of God for my security. As I was letting go of the demands on my friends, the requirements I put on the friendships, and the things I was doing in those relationships to try to make sure I was as secure as possible, I realized I was getting spiritually cleaner and purified, and yet feeling uncomfortable and awkward, as if I was lacking the clothing that brought security...similar to the covering the bugs on my windshield provided. The clothing I longed for, though, was impure. I didn't know what to do with the emotional and spiritual nakedness I felt. As I continued to run to the pure covering of Jesus, He gradually provided a new, healthy covering of security...where I could live authentically and securely.

Is there an impure covering you're longing for? ...something you feel safer hiding behind? Choosing to let go of things that are not of God may increase that feeling. You may feel naked and exposed as He washes you clean. But pursuing God's sufficiency will ultimately bring us security, authenticity and peace.

Thoughts from Matthew 11.28-30, "Come to Me"

2010-06-30T22:34:00.003-05:00

A yoke, when attached to any creature, provides a burden. I thought it was interesting that Jesus did NOT say, "Let me take all yokes from you."

Here are His words:
"'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.'"

There is still a burden that He expects us to carry, but that burden is lightweight and is the perfect burden for us to continue moving through His purpose for our lives.

What IS that burden? that yoke? ...and what are we to learn from Him?

Aware of His two greatest commands to love God and love others, I'm wondering if it (the burden He intends for us to carry) might be yielding to and allowing His Spirit to live through us so that we can be a tool through which He displays the fruit of the Spirit to others: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. We don't make the fruit; we yield to the process.

May The Scales Fall

2010-05-22T22:28:00.002-05:00

My son, Tim, asked me to read a book he had to read for school, Night, about one surviving Jew's story of the extermination of the Jews in Hungary under Hitler's regime. It's so sad...and mind boggling how someone's thinking can be so twisted and corrupted.

Then the Apostle Paul comes to mind. Paul, then known as Saul, was passionate. He boldly lived out what he was convinced of--what he believed was right. He was determined and successful in the mission he was carrying out (exterminating Christians). Unfortunately, he was deceived and unable to see truth, but he was also unable to discern his own blindness to truth.

Finally God got his attention by physically blinding him. His physical blindness allowed him to see the truth of his spiritual blindness. Eventually, the "scales" fell off his eyes and he was finally able to see both physically and spiritually. I wonder if the scales were what God used to cause the physical blindness OR if the scales were already there causing the spiritual blindness, and finally, understanding truth, they came off.

I'm constantly seeing and interacting with people who are spiritually blind. They believe they see truth. Sometimes it's a teenager who's convinced his parents are ruining his life, so he fights against them. Sometimes it's misunderstandings in who we really are (self-concept) that cause us to think others are against us...and we attack them...and sometimes ourselves.

We need God's truth. We need to understand, in those times, that we have a spiritual blindness that steals our joy and our God-given purpose. We need the scales to fall from our eyes.

What's really behind this controversial word...submission?

2010-05-21T12:32:00.002-05:00

Submission has been very misunderstood; I think, possibly more than any other word or concept in the Bible. Both men and women typically misunderstand it...in different ways, however. But today I'm getting more insight into it, for both men and women.

Paul talks about it in Ephesians saying it is for everyone, and husbands and wives to submit to each other (Eph. 5.21), and then gets a little more detailed with the inner workings of the relationship that is filled with the Holy Spirit.

Let's backtrack a bit, though, and really look at what submission is as God intended. In James 3.16, James describes how it is jealousy and selfishness that bring disorder and evil. There is no godly wisdom in this kind of behavior. A truly wise person, however, 'though tempted, will not dig his heals in to fight the jealousy and selfishness, but instead, will respond as someone filled with the Holy Spirit. Eph. 5.18 says, "Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill and control you." Verses 19-21 describe what will happen in us as a result of letting the Holy Spirit fill and control us: "Then you will sing...making music to the Lord in your hearts. And you will always give thanks for everything to God.... And further, you will submit to one another."

Submission is not something to be demanded, but it is rather a result of the Holy Spirit filling us, controlling us and overflowing out of us. Now go back to James. James describes what it looks like to be someone filled with the Holy Spirit and controlled by the Holy Spirit, with the wisdom and the fruit of the Spirit flowing out of us as we respond to worldly actions, particularly jealousy and selfishness.

Characteristics that will flow out of us, as we are filled with the Holy Spirit, are healthy peace-making characteristics:

purity
a peace-loving perspective
gentleness at all times
a willingness to yield to others (ie, submission)
mercy
good deeds
impartiality
sincerity

Right in the middle of this list is having "a willingness to yield to others." This is the NLT rendering of the verse. Other versions, such as NIV, use the word "submissive". Keep in mind that James is writing to both men and women.

In considering submission as "a willingness to yield to others", first, having a willingness is something that can never be demanded. The will is an internal thing that no one can make you change. And second, the word "yield" conjures up images of road signs and how we respond to those. If I'm driving where two lanes merge into one, there is typically a sign that says, "yield" for one of the lanes, just so we don't crash. Yielding is simply a courteous, considerate action; NOT an action that shows the other person to be dominant. Actually, it seems to be the opposite. A gentleman who politely holds a door for a woman is yielding to her, submitting to her, by letting her go first. His behavior, in this way, sets him apart as respectable and honorable.

I realize some women have developed some deviated thinking on issues like that, and there are some men too who have tried to use this type of yielding behavior in dominating and demanding ways. That would be impure and not of the Spirit.

But we can choose to be filled with the Holy Spirit and allow Him to live virtuously through us.

So let's go back to the driving and road analogy. If I'm driving along on the highway and some wild and selfish driver comes speeding up to me driving recklessly and carelessly, worldly thinking would say I need to teach him a lesson or make him pay for his bad behavior. Godly wisdom, however, would likely yield and move aside with gentleness, mercy and peace (maybe even smiling and waving as he goes by), knowing that as James 3.18 goes on to say, "peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness."

I am in no way saying to allow another person to abuse you. Love sets boundaries in those relationships for the benefit of both people.

Look at it this way. My son is a black belt in karate. When someone attacks, my son has learned how to let the other person wear himself out by, in a sense, yielding to that person's momentum. Maybe you saw some of the first Karate Kid movies where Mr. Miyagi does this. Someone throws a punch and Mr. Miyagi quickly and calmly steps aside. He continues to dodge punches, using very little energy while the angry punch-thrower exhausts and frustrates himself with his ineffective effort.

Mr. Miyagi was yielding, yet it made him the strong one.

These are just some thoughts I had on the subject today. Of course, it is much, much broader and more complex than I've presented in these few paragraphs; nonetheless, food for thought.

clean needle vending machines

2010-05-11T10:11:00.003-05:00

It bothers me that we live in a society that prefers to deal with symptoms rather than problems (ie, the cause of the symptoms). Drugs are given for high blood pressure rather than dealing with the hyper-tension that is typically the cause of it. Guns may be taken away from everyone instead of dealing with the violent behavior of the minority. Society has chosen to deal with STDs, immorality, and infidelity by providing condoms rather than advocating morality. I can imagine how society will soon be dealing with the problem of drug addiction. A condom vending machine in a high school bathroom has just as much ethics as a clean needle vending machine in a public restroom or a life-like mannequin of yourself to sleep in your bed so your spouse won't know you're away having an affair.

We need to get to the root causes of our emotionally and physically unhealthy symptoms. There's freedom there, but not in masking the problem.

Love and War

2010-05-04T20:10:00.002-05:00

I just watched John and Stasi Eldredge's webcast for their new book, Love and War. Very informative and helpful for navigating through all kinds of marriage issues. I've found most marriage books to be rather frustrating and have often felt like I've been 'missed' as I've read though a typical marriage book's suggestions. But with Love and War, I feel understood. You should read it. It can be ordered on their website at www.ransomedheart.com.

Watch!

2010-03-26T10:13:00.003-05:00

He was horrified, and they fell asleep!!

Jesus, about to be arrested and crucified, told his three closest friends to, "Stay here and watch with me."(1) "Watch" refers to "being alert to spiritual dangers."(2) Jesus went a little further in the garden to pray, but not like we pray, and apparently prayer that was beyond the comprehension of his friends.

"The full impact of His death and its spiritual consequences struck Jesus and He staggered under its weight. The prospect of alienation from His Father horrified Him." (3)

Still, as He awakened His friends, He admonished them again, "Keep alert and pray", (4) meaning, "acknowledge dependence on God so that you will not fall into temptation." (5)

In the New Testament, Paul instructs believers, and especially leaders, to "watch" regarding their integrity, care and direction. (6) Jesus, however, instructed His disciples regarding only one other scenario in which to "Watch": regarding His return. He said according to Matt. 24.42 and Mark 13.35, "Therefore keep watch because you do not know on what day the Lord will come." Luke gives an account of a discussion that Jesus has with his disciples in the temple where He tells them to, "Watch out! Don't let me find you living in careless ease and drunkenness, and filled with the worries of this life. Don't let that day catch you unaware, as in a trap. For that day will come upon everyone living on the earth. Keep a constant watch. And pray...." (7)

As I attempt to apply this to my own life, I'm challenged to stay aware and alert to the prospect that He will return for me and it could be at any moment. Am I ready? Am I alert to spiritual dangers, such as dependence on myself, falling asleep (becoming lax) at critical times, the potential to fall into temptation, etc.? And am I committed to prayer...acknowledging my dependence on God so that I will not fall into temptation?

For more on this, Paul's instructions to the believers at various churches provide a little more substance and practical application to the idea of keeping watch (see footnote 6).

1 Matthew. 26.38, 40; Mark 14.34, 37
2 The Bible Knowledge Commentary
3 The Bible Knowledge Commentary
4 Matt. 26.41, Mark 14.38
5 The Bible Knowledge Commentary
6 Acts 20.31, 1 Cor. 16.13, Col. 4.2, 1 Thess. 5.6, 1 Tim. 4.16, 2 Tim. 4.5, Heb. 13.17, 1 Pet. 4.7
7 Luke 21.34-36a

Where the Truth Lies

2010-03-07T10:46:00.002-05:00

Have you ever observed someone who is so totally convinced of something that they believe is truth, but you know it's not truth...it's a perception that's skewed...it's a lie...?

As a kid, there was a closet door in our house where a knot in the grain of the wood appeared to be a scary face looking at me. Unfortunately, for me, the door was within view when I was lying in bed. It scared me...as if there was something evil about the door. But why? The door had no power over me whatsoever...it was just a piece of wood. So why was I scared? I believed (as truth) something about the lines and shapes and design in the wood, and that belief caused me to behave in ways that brought about fear, anxiety, inability to sleep at times, sometimes crying, ....

How different would my response have been if I would have believed actual truth rather than perceived truth. I would have recognized that I'm looking at a piece of wood that I have total control over...and could cut out any part of it that didn't look quite right. Of course, I would have had to face my parents in that scenario, but that's another story....

I was reading in Jeremiah this morning, chapter 14. Jeremiah was a prophet who, devoted to God, presented messages from God to God's people, Israel. Judah was a tribe of Israel, and in chapter 14, God sends a message through Jeremiah to Judah. After many strong warnings, because Judah had been so wicked and arrogant and chose to leave God behind, God sent a message that He would "'give [Judah] only war, famine and disease.'" (v.12)

Judah's own prophets, however, had been telling them that, "'All is well--no war or famine will come. The Lord will surely send you peace.'" (v. 13)

Here's God's reply to Jeremiah in verse 14:
"Then the Lord said, 'These prophets are telling lies in my name. I did not send them or tell them to speak. I did not give them any messages. They prophesy of visions and revelations they have never seen or heard. They speak foolishness made up in their own lying hearts.'"

After reading that this morning, it occurred to me just how important it is to have truth in our hearts. We can only speak truth out of truth. If I would have given instruction to someone when I was a kid about the closet door in our house or the impact it would have on someone to sleep in my room, my instruction would have been very skewed from the truth because of the lie I was believing in my heart.

We need to make sure that our "perceptions" of truth are really not lies but rather God's truth. It's why David, in Psalm 139, prayed,

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

David understood that his own perception of truth could be skewed and not really be truth at all, so he knew he needed God to continually search his heart for places where misperceptions have crept in. It was important for his own life, but extremely significant as a leader since his beliefs/perceptions of truth (or lies) impacted every person he was leading...and since his entire kingdom was dependent on what existed in his own heart.

How do you and I know that we are believing God's truth? We, first, must be willing to see where we're not...and pray as David did in Psalm 139. Then take a look, as David was willing to do, with God, at those anxious thoughts.

This may need a Part 2 eventually....

Failure and people-pleasing

2010-01-26T13:41:00.004-05:00

I'm going to be pretty transparent today. I've been feeling like I'm failing in so many areas: parenting, marriage, publishing, spiritually, with extended family, with friends. My reality is that I'm not living as a people-pleaser like I used to, but I'm still listening to their level of satisfaction with me. In the past, if I thought someone was dissatisfied with me or something I was doing, I'd change in ways that I thought would make them happier with me. But, now, committed to living out of conviction and who I am instead, I'm not changing according to their satisfaction. However, I'm still aware of 'my interpretation' of their satisfaction with me...and I'm drawing conclusions about how well I'm doing based on that.

People are dissatisfied with quantity of time I spend with them, or how much I reach out to them, or how I handle a situation, or what clothes I buy, or how well I'm taking care of _________, or whether or not I do this or do that.... (And sometimes I'm just dissatisfied with myself.)

I can't live out of conviction and keep everyone happy with me. Apparently, there's something in me that believes that if I can satisfy people, I'm okay...or successful and not a failure...and if they're dissatisfied with me, then I've failed.

My tendency is to look, first, to a person to see if they're satisfied. If so, then I look to the level of success of the performance and draw my conclusion. Conclusion: If the person is dissatisfied or the performance isn't great, then I've failed. And looking at my life this way right now, there's a lot of failing...and my belief is that I'm a failure. I know this thinking isn't right, and yet this is my reality.

So I asked God what He wanted me to know about this.

God's response to me:
"I've already determined the outcomes."

That, alone, took the pressure completely off. It really doesn't matter how I 'perform' (assuming I'm loving Him and pursuing His purpose for me) because He will still bring about the result that He wants.

"I just want you to live in the situations where I put you. If you do well, great; and if you blow it, I'll change it to work for good." (Rom. 8.28)
"The result is not for your concern. I don't want your success; I want your worship."

Selah.

When Jesus entered the world

2009-12-16T13:51:00.004-05:00

God determined the perfect time for His Son to enter the world...during the reign of a king who would seek to kill Him rather than love Him. It seemed to be a theme in His life. His parents' response was to grow Him up. Hebrews 5.8 says he learned obedience from what he suffered. The verse before this says, "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission." He learned how to submit to God, not just in the direction for His earthly life, but also in the suffering that he faced. He learned to pour out His suffering at God's feet recognizing that God is the only One who could save Him from whatever it was He needed to be saved from (and just like for us, there is much we need to be saved from on this earth).

You're likely facing some sort of adversity or suffering right now. What are you learning from what you've suffered? Eeeekk.. Honestly, I'd have to say that I've learned a lot of self-protection...lots and lots of it. I've certainly learned to pour out at God's feet, and He has brought me far because of it. But along with it, I've also taken on (or kept) some bad habits...like, rather than setting healthy boundaries for myself in some areas, I've put demands on others for what is acceptable (eg, "Don't you talk to me that way!" rather than "If you choose to talk to me that way, there will be consequences."). Or when someone hurts me, I may refuse to be vulnerable with them.

As I look at Jesus' example, I love (and am deeply challenged by) His response to Peter, in particular, in John 13 and 14. Jesus is telling His disciples that "His time has come" and that He would be leaving them soon. Peter's response is to want to go with Him and proclaims that he is "ready to die for" Him. Jesus knows right then that Peter will not only NOT be willing to die for Him, but that Peter would actually betray Him by denying that he even knows Jesus...three times...before the next morning.

That would probably be enough for me to say, "Forget you...I already know the depth (or shallowness) of your faithfulness to me. I don't need that." But not Jesus. His response was, "'Don't be troubled. ...trust in me. ...I am going to prepare a place for you. ...When everything is ready, I will come and get you." I'm sure His heart was broken by the knowledge that even His closest friends would betray Him. Yet I think He could still be vulnerable because (Heb. 5.8) He submitted Himself to (the trustworthy) God, pouring out to God all that troubled Him, so that He could choose to follow the more vulnerable path that God had laid out for Him...that vulnerable path that He also lays out for each of us.

God offers us the same opportunity. Philippians 4.6 directs us to tell God what we need and thank Him for all that He's done. Pour out to Him...and then we can have peace.

As a final thought, and as I return to my original thoughts on Jesus being born under the reign of a king who wanted Him dead, it causes me to wonder a bit about "the three wise men." I wonder what made them so wise...maybe b/c they knew when to leave their work to go worship. Worship requires trust. Worship and trust go hand in hand with pouring out to Him. Let's not neglect to leave our work to worship when His presence draws us.

Move It or Lose It

2009-12-10T10:33:00.003-05:00

I'll just be real with you: we're getting older. It seems that, in general, there is less demand on our bodies as we age. When I was a bit younger and had younger kids, I remember my mother-in-law asking me if I ever sat down. I think, then, it was probably only to change a diaper. Several years ago, I was chasing toddlers all over...even in the middle of the night I would be up with a crying baby, or a kid with a wet bed, or you name it. Now, there are still just as many demands on my time, yet it's different. Rather than chasing kids, I now sit in the van and drive teenagers all over; and when I'm not doing that, I'm sitting and working at my computer...writing a workbook, editing something, or working on some other digital project.

Our ancestors used to be on their feet all day long plowing fields, building fences and other structures, baling and stacking hay and straw...much physical labor. Technology, however, has driven many of us to sit all day long.

Have you felt the impact of that yet? I have. Much of this past year I took a bit of a sabbatical from exercise and found that "I'm losing it." What I'm gaining: aches and pains. Shortness of breath. I've gotten weaker, less flexible. Low energy level...tired a lot. I didn't realize how much impact just walking briskly 20 minutes a day, 3 or 4 days a week had on me. Two weeks ago, I left my sabbatical and began to "move it" again...3 days last week, and so far, 2 this week.

Have you felt the "move it or lose it" impact anywhere else in your life? The Apostle Paul says in the Bible, "for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come." (1 Tim. 4.8) Seeing and feeling the impact of my physical laxity, I'm not only motivated to re-build what I've lost physically, but I'm also motivated to maintain and stretch what I have spiritually. I saw and felt the frustrating impact of the physical loss. If that's only of "little value", I certainly don't want to lose the spiritual, which is of much greater value.

What am I doing today to exercise spiritually?

Something Better

2009-11-25T09:37:00.003-05:00

All morning I've been thinking about a song by The Desperation Band called "Pleasing to You". Great song, but as I'm facing some newly exposed (by God) areas in my life that are very uncomfortable and painful to look at, and cause me to feel like I've regressed spiritually and emotionally about 8-25 years, I started questioning, "Why would I want to be pleasing to God if this is the result!?"

I wonder if that's a question that gets asked silently much more than I realize. I wonder if that's why believers fall away...and those who once claimed to embrace Jesus turn back to themselves and self-sufficiency. I wonder if they've been disillusioned with a "prosperity gospel"...I wonder how many of us don't see truth, when it's the truth that will set us free.

Pleasing to God.... The song says, "Sanctify me. Clean out my closet. Take away anything that is not pleasing to You. Purify me. Destroy all my anger. Wash away everything that is not pleasing to You. ...Taking my cross, I will follow...."

WHY would we do that?? It certainly seems safer and more comfortable NOT to.

God put it in perspective for me as He reminded me of Hebrews 11.40, "God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." (NIV)

I can only experience the "something better" when I cooperate with His plan. His plan is good (Jeremiah 29.11) and will bring us freedom (Galatians 5.1). Listen to what Romans 8.21 says in the Amplified Bible: "That nature (creation) itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and corruption [and gain an entrance] into the glorious freedom of God's children."

I want that "glorious freedom". I don't want "bondage to decay and corruption". But freedom always has a price. Jesus, not even being subject to that bondage, chose to pay the high price to give us opportunity for freedom. The price for us is to let go of our bondage. Sometimes letting go feels like a crucifixion. In one sense, it is. It is the choice to allow any impurities in us to be crucified and destroyed. Our impurities are often things we put our hope in to satisfy us or bring us security because we can't see another way to be secure or satisfied. The crazy part of it is that those things we're holding onto really aren't making us secure enough or satisfied enough. But when we can't comprehend another way, it's hard to let go. Depending on how long and how tightly we've held onto these impurities, crucifixion of them may involve blood, sweat, tears, pain, sacrifice, release.

However, we have the hope of resurrection. God resurrects to freedom, renewal, holiness, beauty. I want what God will provide in resurrection. "Resurrection comes only because there is first a crucifixion." (Gene Edwards, Exquisite Agony) We have hope of "something better": "glorious freedom"...no more bondage...peace and joy that come only from trusting God for our satisfaction and security.

This "crucifixion" can feel overwhelming...a heavy burden to bear. But, again, God doesn't leave us to fend for ourselves. He provides a way out from the weight of the burden: "Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." (Psalm 55.22, NASB) The Amplified Bible says, "Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you". We can release the weight of it. What a comfort to have Someone who is capable of sustaining me...and WILL. I want to be "pleasing to [Him]". What about you?

Modern Relationship - my two cents

2009-11-07T12:14:00.003-05:00

As I think about modern views of relationship, I'm disappointed. The movie Julie and Julia, although entertaining, was another example of this for me.

I think it's wonderful that Julie found direction in her life. However, she gave the credit for her life's meaning to another woman who had no interest in knowing her. How sad. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be directed in your life's meaning and purpose by someone who knows you very well AND is thrilled over relationship with you?

God says this: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jer. 29.11, NIV)

And He also says, "'For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.'" (Zeph. 3.17, NLT)

I want to seek my life's direction from THAT relationship.

Along similar relational lines, I find it interesting how connected we can feel to each other on facebook, and how deceptive that connection can really be. We can be lulled into feeling like we know our facebook friends, but what does it really mean when someone's having a bad day? For one person, it means that he overslept, hit every stoplight on the way to work, traffic was heavy and he had to work through lunch. For another, a bad day means he's devastated because his wife left him.

Do we know the difference? For so many, facebook and the internet are their source of building and maintaining relationship, but you cannot 'know' someone that way. You need face time (not just face 'book' time) with some friends that you'll pursue more depth with. We have to know, at least for a few friends, what exactly it means when they're having a 'bad day'.

Don't allow the internet to deceive you with an intimacy facade. Nothing can substitute for non-verbal communication...touch, tone, a look, and ultimately sharing and exploring the depths of one's heart.

Last Night's Dream

2009-10-14T10:53:00.001-05:00

In the dream... It was night, and I was driving down a very, very dark road. Tim was in the passenger's seat and Allison was sort of sitting next to me in the driver's seat, sometimes making it hard to see the road, but everything seemed pleasant with us. All of a sudden, there was a car just sitting in the middle of the road--no lights, so I swerved to miss it. Then there were more cars, as if there had been an accident and cars kept hitting each other in the dark. I saw probably at least a dozen cars crashed on the dark road...still IN the road. It was totally silent, though. I felt scared; kind of panicky that I would hit one, but also knew that help was needed. We needed to call 9-1-1 for help, but also, one clear thought: "WE NEED LIGHTS BROUGHT IN." We need to be able to see how and where to help.

So I asked God about it this morning. He reminded me of Kathy Troccoli's song, "Go light your world." And then that I need to take my 'candle' into the darkness that exists on the path He has me on. Those crashed in the darkness don't even know they need to yell for help...or can't. I need to walk into the darkness with my light that will expose the needs, the pain, the danger of sitting silently wounded/crashed in the middle of the road.

The Dance

2009-07-29T12:58:00.005-05:00

Sometimes it's very obvious; other times it's so subtle it's nearly unnoticeable. Today, I stood in the center of a foot bridge at a park looking up river at God's unique and beautiful landscape and design.

The subtle ache exploded within me as I recognized, once again, that my soul was made for so much more -- not something I can attain on my own -- but something only God is vast enough and creative enough to fill day to day.

As I gazed up the river, willow trees flowed down into and gently caressed the water's edge. A vast mixture of other trees, shrubs and grasses decorated the frame of the river with many shapes, textures and colors. The portrait itself came to life just below my feet as a row of steady, strategically placed rocks, filtering out danger, provided a secure backdrop as several turtles danced freely to the flowing music of the water.

When do I take the time to dance to (or even hear) the music in the circumstances flowing through my life?

Often I resist it, fighting the current, but forgetting the barrier of rocks God has strategically placed to filter out harm...so that I can dance freely. As I think about it, there are several people, and even some material blessings, that God has placed in my flowing river who absorb dangerous debris, making the water safer and more conducive to celebrating and dancing freely.

And in the midst of it all, He dances over me. It's His dancing 'over' me that makes me want to dance with Him. And we dance together in His protected places...when I embrace what my soul was created for.

? - sufficiency

2009-06-24T16:00:00.003-05:00

I feel like, with the increased family demands that summer brings, I'm moving toward self-sufficiency...not a good thing. Time with God gets squeezed out as we all stay up later and sleep in longer...and yet I still need to get the kids up at a reasonable hour, but I sleep till that time.

So my time with God gets "postponed" till...well, maybe the next day??? ...and my reliance on God gets replaced with reliance on me.

Our flesh (and our enemy) would cause us to ask, "So what's wrong with self-reliance?" It sounds rather noble, non-imposing, strong.... But, we're often lulled into the belief that we can handle whatever life throws at us...and that limits us tremendously. God created us to do amazing works which we cannot do apart from Him...including having truly successful parenting and family lives, ministries, etc.

I know God has moved me, in recent years, out of living in the realm of possibility and into the realm of impossibility...and my attempts to accomplish my purpose apart from reliance on Him will fail...I will fail without God-reliance.

He's my most satisfying relationship in this life. Without it, I am lost and floundering and trying to fill an ache and emptiness in my soul.

I was stunned last night as I picked up my Jesus Calling book and was confronted. I read June 22 (b/c I didn't know what day it was):

"Thank Me for the very things that are troubling you. You are on the brink of rebellion, precariously close to shaking your fist in My Face. You are tempted to indulge in just a little complaining about My treatment of you."

The word "rebellion" startled me. What? Not me. However, as I looked closely at my heart, I saw hints of growing self-sufficiency as I lacked quality time with Him...looking for and entertaining ideas of how to resolve my troublesome issues with comfortable solutions.

The text goes on to say (about complaining), "But once you step over that line, torrents of rage and self-pity can sweep you away. The best protection against this indulgence is thanksgiving. It is impossible to thank Me and curse Me at the same time.

"Thanking Me for trials will feel awkward and contrived at first. But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart. Thankfulness awakens you to My Presence, which overshadows all your problems. (Ps. 116.17 and Php. 4.4-6)."

Still looking for a bit of relief, :/ I opened up Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest: May 23. "Careful Infidelity". Again, what?? He says worry = infidelity.

Matthew 6.25 describes how when we are worried about "the cares of the world", it chokes out the Word that God puts in us. He says, "...worrying means that we do not think that God can look after the practical details of our lives."

Troubles. This world is full of them...and they impact my life. I want to run away to safety. But He says He's overcome the troubles (Jn. 16.33). Lord, give me tenacity, perseverance, faith that You are in the middle of this...and that I will find You as I dig in to the middle of the things I want to run and find safety from.

"Would you like to get well?"

2009-06-03T12:26:00.003-05:00

Jesus saw the lame man lying next to the healing pool. I guess I'd probably ask the same question if I had the power to heal, even though I already knew why the man was there. But there is something deeper in the question. There is responsibility in being healed.

Let me be clear! There are certainly many times when our health (physical, emotional, mental) is NOT a result of our own choices and actions. But there ARE times, more than we think, when it is.

For example, if you're living a life that is not at peace, but is, instead, consumed with stress because you think you have to perform at a certain level, you are inflicting your body with abuse by elevating safe levels of cortisol in your body, and sustained, it will have devastating effects on your health. Let's use this example....

Many of us often live in that state of stress or 'unhealth' while (I suppose, hopefully) routinely returning to Jesus to ask forgiveness for our behavior...for neglecting Him, neglecting our families, etc. Unfortunately, we end up returning again and again with the same confession, the same "stuck in a rut" sin, and the same "I don't know how to get free of this problem". And we keep running back to Him with our confession...sometimes in shame.

I've noticed, though, that when there's healing that's needed, Jesus doesn't necessarily confront people and ask them to stop sinning first. He heals them FIRST. But His question, whether we hear it or not, is always, "Would you like to get well?" If our answer, or our attitude, is "No", He won't force His healing on us. And when we keep returning to Him, He will keep forgiving us.

After He healed the lame man at the healing pool, Jesus disappeared into the crowd, but then later "Jesus found [the man] in the Temple and told him, 'Now you are well; so stop sinning, or something even worse may happen to you.'" (John 5.1-15)

We have the choice to keep asking for God's forgiveness (and in many areas of our lives, we can rest in this beauty of His love), and in His amazing grace, over and over He extends that amazing grace to us...the grace that was made possible by His costly sacrifice on the cross. We would be hopeless without it. But in some areas of our lives, there is freedom awaiting us so that we don't have to continue in our routine sin or 'unhealth'. We can pursue His healing...IF we would like to get well.

Going back to the stress example, to get to healing, we would have to be willing to look at what's "driving" us to perform at that stressful level...and seek His healing in that place. And there is freedom there for you and those around you.

Feel free to ask me about some options if your answer to the question is "Yes."

Lights, Camera, Action!

2009-05-15T16:03:00.004-05:00

LifeCare Christian Center
presents

"The Call to Care" LIVE Training!

On May 28-30, LifeCare will be filming a live training, and you are invited to attend. If you have thought about learning or developing stronger leadership skills as a Care & Support group leader or growing in a supportive role in a ministry of care, either for yourself or your team, then this training is for you and your team.

If you have ever wondered about starting a Care & Support Ministry, you won't want to miss this opportunity.

On Thursday, May 28 at 7:00 pm, LifeCare will begin with a short time of worship followed by the live filming of "The Call to Care: Developing Care & Support Ministries in the Local Church".

This 2-1/2-hour, Thurs. evening training is FREE!

Friday, May 29, starting at 6:30 pm, we will film
"The Call to Care: Volunteer Training".
This training will continue Saturday morning 9:15 am through 3:30/4pm.
The cost for this 2-day (Fri-Sat) event has been reduced to $40 per person.

In this training, you will learn:
-what a care & support ministry is and what it can offer
-effective leadership skills
-valuable skills related to caring for the emotional/ physical/ relational needs of others
-practical skills for genuine discipleship
-and much more.

The training will be conducted by the Founder/ Director of LifeCare Christian Center,
Lillian Easterly-Smith.

Please contact LifeCare at Info.LifeCareCC@gmail.com or
(734) 961-7950 to reserve your seat.

LifeCare meets at ROC Church, 16115 Beck Rd. (btw. 5 & 6 Mile), Northville.
Sanctuary Entrance.

We look forward to seeing you there.

In His Service,

The LifeCare Team
LifeCare Christian Center

God's Garden in the Troubles of this Life

2009-05-14T09:43:00.002-05:00

This morning I stayed in bed...overwhelmed with some aspects of my life that are very troubling and discouraging to me. I spent two hours thinking and thinking...hoping to fall asleep again...but continuing to think and pray...seeking God's perspective. Wearily singing "What A Friend We Have In Jesus" brought me to tears.

Many things ahead in this day will require me to be refreshed and renewed to be able to care for others, listen to the pain in others' hearts, and be able to be real with people in, hopefully, hopeful ways. But this life is hard, and I just want to run away. Faced with some "Why me?" questions in myself, I began to pray that my tears would not remain tears of self-pity. I know God is planting seeds in me, and in each member of my family, and in those around me. My prayer is that my tears would, instead, water God's beautiful, wonderfully-planned garden. He has a plan for me for good and not for calamity (Jeremiah 19.11). Digging up fallow ground in my life and pulling out the weeds prepares me for His seeds, but digging up the fallow ground and pulling weeds in those nearby also disturbs my own safe, secure space. Once the seeds go in the ground, then the rain comes...

Listen to these words from a song by Third Day called "When the Rain Comes":

When the rain comes
it seems that everyone has gone away
When the night falls
you wonder if you shouldn't find someplace
To run and hide
Escape the pain
But hiding's such a lonely thing to do

I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you 'til it goes away

When the rain comes
you blame it on the things that you have done
When the storm fades
you know that rain must fall on everyone
Rest awhile
it'll be alright
No one loves you like I do
When the rain comes
I will hold you"

Eventually, there will be beautiful fruit from those well-prepared and well-nourished seeds. For now, I will rest in the "Power of Your Love"...check it out by Rebecca St. James:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8LWGyuyny4

"Lord I come to You
Let my heart be changed, renewed
Flowing from the grace
That I've found in You
And Lord I've come to know
The weaknesses I see in me
Will be stripped away
By the power of Your love

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your spirit leads me on
By the Power of Your love

Lord unveil my eyes
Let me see you face to face
The knowledge of Your love
As you live in me
And Lord renew my mind
As Your will unfolds in my life
In living every day
By the Power of Your love

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
By the power of Your love"

Misunderstanding God: The Deception of Success

2009-05-01T08:19:00.003-05:00

Hannah Hurnard has been on my mind occasionally. Actually, since I read her first book, Hinds' Feet on High Places, a few years back, and then did some research on her life, I've been troubled by something. Her book, Hinds' Feet, (which has been on the best-seller list since it came out in 1955) is a beautiful allegory describing her amazing understanding of who God is and His relationship with us. This is one of my favorite books.

Unfortunately, her later books reveal that she moved more and more deeply into New Age thinking. What troubled me was how someone with such a beautiful understanding of God could become so deceived. Today, I finally just sat down and asked God, in general, about how someone can know Him so well and then become so deceived.

Various kings, who became deceived, came to mind.

Solomon: "...the Lord his God was with him and made him very powerful." By the end of his life, his wealth and prosperity allowed him to have anything he wanted...including wives that God told him not to marry..."they led his heart away from the Lord...they turned his heart to worship their gods instead of trusting in the Lord his God." "Then the Lord raised up...an enemy against Solomon." (2 Chronicles, 1.1; 1 Kings 11.3-4, 14)

"[Uzziah] did what was pleasing in the Lord's sight.... And as long as the king sought the Lord, God gave him success." "...the Lord helped him wonderfully until he became very powerful. But when he had become powerful, he also became proud, which led to his downfall." (2 Chronicles 26.4-5, 15-16)

They began to rest in their success, forgetting God, and God took His favor away. It is in our nature to trust in ourselves, but it seems like the deception of success is one thing that can more prominantly cause us to trust in ourselves.

Romans 1.18-24 says, "But God shows His anger from heaven against all sinful wicked people who push the truth away from themselves. For the truth about God is known to them instinctively. God has put this knowledge in their hearts. ...So they have no excuse whatsoever for not knowing God. Yes, they knew God, but they wouldn't worship him as God or even give him thanks. And they began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like. The result was that their minds became dark and confused. Claiming to be wise, they became utter fools instead. And instead of worshiping the glorious, ever-living God, they worshiped idols.... So God let them go ahead and do whatever shameful things their hearts desired."

I don't know what it was that caused Hannah Hurnard to develop skewed and heretic views of God, but I do know we have an enemy who is seeking to deceive us ("Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5.8). Protect your heart, your mind, your life by remembering to keep your heart turned toward the true GOD. Know God's Word, worship Him and thank Him, as you surround yourself with solid believers who will remind you of the Truth.

She talked about her love for Jesus

2009-03-19T10:53:00.002-05:00

I was just praying this morning about my family. Thinking about how I only have a few summers left with Tim, maybe six with Adam and maybe seven with Allison. It's really not much time...and yet God doesn't need a whole lot of time to effect change and make an impact.

That thought took me back to my own childhood and the time I spent with my grandma, who had the biggest positive spiritual impact on me as a child. As I thought about what she did that drew my heart to God, I was a little surprised.

She taught kindergarten sunday school, and I went to her class (flannel-graphs and all) whenever I went to her church, but I don't remember ever doing any formal Bible study with her or receiving spiritual instruction from her. She didn't make sure I memorized verses and she didn't find a video for every issue that came up (eg, one on respect when I was disrespectful)...like I might tend to do occasionally.

Nothing wrong with those things, but it wasn't her approach. Jesus reached my heart through my grandma as she lived a life of love for Jesus in my presence. Although I don't remember her ever requiring it of me, each morning she would have her "Morning Devotions", and then through the day she would tell me when something she read applied to something we were experiencing in our day. Or she would tell me what she had talked to Jesus about. She talked about her love for Jesus, and I saw her love for Him as He was constantly on her mind and bringing joy to her face.

I remember making pudding (it was my job to either make pudding or jello for dessert while she made dinner) as she talked about Romans 10.13 being her favorite verse. She would say, "'Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.' I just love that verse. That's the verse I hang my hat on." ...she never wore a hat though...I guess it was hanging on that verse.

I think this is where I got my foundational ideas on discipleship. She invited me along as she lived her life in love with Jesus. It's not in a discipleship "class", 'though classes can be good. Discipleship that I learned from my grandma was her inviting me to come alongside her as she nurtured and cared for me, as I observed and she shared her deep love for Jesus, as she included me in ways she served others with a meal, a home visit, babysitting, delivering Avon orders, etc. Or sometimes she would just love me by taking me shopping, or getting a cozy, warm bubble bath ready for me, or painting my toe nails or putting "granny" make-up on my face.

I fell in love with her Jesus as she deeply loved Him and lovingly enjoyed me. I'm hoping for my own kids to experience that same.

Unidentified Baggage

2009-03-08T22:20:00.001-05:00

She was well-dressed and well-groomed, ‘though I probably wouldn’t have noticed. She walked with a notable confidence, not entirely common of women exiting a waiting room bathroom.

I was engrossed in a book, my head lowered toward the pages, when my eyes glimpsed the bright white train flowing so freely from her heal as she passed in front of me. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so noticeable had it not been for the rather dark colored décor and adequate lighting of the orthodontist’s office.

Only one other person was in the room—a man obviously aware of the sight. I could tell he was aware because of his sudden stillness. He sat uncomfortably motionless as only his eyes inconspicuously followed the train. Then it happened. The train broke loose and sat in a bundle directly in front of him.

The woman disappeared and will likely never know her impact on her world, nor will she ever recognize the baggage she once dragged behind. But we’ll get to that thought in a bit.

The man in the room continued to sit quite uncomfortably. I was uncomfortable. There was tension in the room, but neither of us was willing to acknowledge the toilet paper…or each other for that matter. It was a bit more comfortable to pretend we knew nothing about the toilet paper.

Several people walked through the room, stepping around or over it. Eventually, a woman gracefully passed by, picked it up and threw it away. Amazingly, all the tension immediately left the room.

There are times when someone crosses our path with baggage so blatant that it makes everyone uncomfortable, except the person himself who is oblivious to it, but reacts to everyone with his, “What’s wrong with you?” attitude. I’m thinking of one man who has serious anger issues. He will behave with rude impatience with nearly every interaction and then respond to the stares around him with, “What’s your problem!?” He’s blind and clueless with no hope for change until he’s able to see his own toilet paper train.

Some toilet paper trains get left in the room leaving its witnesses uncomfortable…and sometimes wounded. People can leave a profound impact and never even realize the train they dragged behind.

As I continued to sit in the waiting room, writing these notes, a mom came in with her daughter. They sat down, but within a couple minutes, the daughter got up to get a magazine. Immediately, the mom said to her daughter, “Come here! You have a Band-Aid stuck on you.” The daughter, looking horrified, squealed, “Ew!!” and quickly pealed it off the leg of her pants.

When we’re able to see our baggage—our own toilet paper trains dragging behind us, or at least the impact our baggage has, then we’re finally able to address it and let God remove it from us.

"Oh, man, I didn't see that coming!!"

2009-01-06T22:54:00.003-05:00

Subtitled: "Shaken, not stirred."

I often get stirred up by various things. My spirit may stir and move me toward compassion. My emotions may get stirred up and move me toward looking at various aspects of truth or lies in my life...and finding God in the pursuit.

Sometimes my world gets "shaken" up and turned upside down. There are things I don't see coming, and I feel thrown off track or that the rug has been pulled out from under me. I'm facing one of those times now.

I thought of Joseph in the book of Genesis. I thought of how God had a plan to use Joseph in a mighty way. God even gave Joseph a vision when he was young of how God was going to use him. But then we see the jealousy of Joseph's brothers and how they intended to kill him and get him out of the picture by throwing him into a pit to die, but then chose, instead, to sell him into slavery.

Can you imagine God saying, "Oh, man, I didn't see that coming! I guess I'll have to find someone else and figure out another plan. It's hopeless for Joseph."

No way! God is not at all surprised by our circumstances. God certainly saw it coming and knew how to accomplish His plan both THROUGH Joseph and IN Joseph. But it required Joseph trusting God...and Joseph DID trust God. Many times it seemed the rug was pulled out from under Joseph, but God used each instance as a stepping stone toward the destination He intended.

That's the beauty of God. As I'm being shaken, and as I trust God's sovereignty, every time the rug gets pulled out from under me, God will use it as a stepping stone to move me along toward His beautiful destination for me.

Seeking Relief in the Right Place

2008-12-09T14:06:00.004-05:00

I was reading Dr. Kenya Ayers' blog this morning. She had an entry highlighted at her radio program website (http://www.relationshipsolutionsonline.com)...
July 29, 2008
When you Least Expect Him…

This was a timely message for me. She had gone to Cedar Point for a little retreat from life, and heard God speaking to her on one of the rides...

“This (meaning the Matterhorn ride) is what your life is like right now. It’s spinning wildly, you feel that you’ve lost control and you’re holding on for dear life. But it’s ok. Just like this ride will soon come to an end, so will this season in your life. Just hang on a little while longer and you’ll be fine.”

He's saying this to me now. I've been wrestling with stuff (in many different ways and with several different things) the last several days...and drawn to various ways to find 'relief' and comfort. We all have our ways...whether it's food, relationships, sleep, video games, etc. Life can feel a bit overwhelming at times, and I just want to find comfort and be rescued!!

As I was spending time with God about this yesterday morning, I think I opened my Bible and then fell asleep. When I woke up a few minutes later, my Bible was open to Ps. 69. Over and over, and all around that Psalm, David was pouring his heart out and pleading with God to save him, to come to him, to rescue him, to help him, to answer him, to pull him out of the mud, to take care of him, .... I had been feeling a bit guilty for wanting to be rescued and comforted (in my own ways), but God was speaking to me that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be rescued and comforted...and David knew (at least at this point) the healthy place to turn for relief and comfort. God wants us to turn to Him to be our comfort and rescuer. Nothing else will be sufficient. His comfort may not exist in our timing, but it will come at the right time...and He will do what's good and best for us.

Women of Grace conference

2008-11-18T10:52:00.004-05:00

This past Saturday I had a small part in speaking at a Women of Grace (not to be confused with Women of Faith!...ha! ...maybe someday) conference. It was wonderful; a group of about 30 women (and one man...my friend, Pastor Tony, sat in on part of it). God was so intricately involved in it. Did I say it was wonderful? Hmmm.

Three of us spoke, one woman sang, and although we hadn't collaborated on a theme or what anyone was talking or singing about, God orchestrated and led each of us in a way that blended it all together quite beautifully. I was often moved to tears as I observed His hand in it all.

The first speaker, Dr. Kenya Ayres, shared a powerful message of authenticity, challenging us to "clean house" and get rid of the things we're holding onto (both physically and emotionally) that keep us bound in the past, maybe in our wounds, and keep us from moving on in the next step of the journey God has for us.

I spoke after lunch on "The Path to Freedom", acknowledging the natural ways we become hardened in a world that is hard on us. But Jesus calls us to something better, to having a soft heart in a hard world. I used biblical and personal examples, exhorting them to take their weariness and burdens to God daily and let him "ease and relieve and refresh our souls" (Matt. 11.28, AMP).

When the conf was over, as I was walking out of the sanctuary, I noticed two women who weren't there during the morning. One stopped me to thank me for what I had shared, saying that it was exactly what she needed to hear that day. She went on to say that her friend was right then getting my contact info from someone else b/c they want me to come talk at their church. She said I was "gifted, but just be confident." (Yes, not fully confident about the speaking thing yet, but God is growing me much!) When I mentioned not seeing her in the morning, she said she had just heard about the conf that morning, so she called her friend and they got ready and came from Inkster, just to be there for a couple hours in the afternoon.

I had so many people praying (thank you so much if you were one of them!!!). It mattered SOOOOO much!!! God kept me so peaceful through the whole event. He spoke through me, and He spoke to me. After the event, I went to a quiet place to think, pray and process what had occurred. The woman's comment about me being gifted in speaking resonated with me. There's much ambivalence in that thought. God gives me so much insight into things, ideas, His Word, life...that I want to share what He shows me. I've been given wonderful opportunities to do that through writing. But for some time now I've sensed a vocal message moving forward. In some ways that's exciting, and in many ways it freaks me out. Mostly, I want to move forward as He leads...and where He leads will be the perfect place.

2008-10-15T11:38:00.001-05:00

I was at the park (of course) last week, pondering the idea that we tend to hide things in the dark where no one will see what would, we believe, feel shameful in the light. The song Marvelous Light was battling in my mind...it did not make sense.

"Into marvelous light I'm running
Out of darkness, out of shame"

...but, I was thinking, it's coming out of the darkness that would intensify the shame. And actually it can intensify the shame when it's brought out into the relatively dim light of the world.

Today at the park, in a huge tree there was one branch that appeared white against the backdrop of dark branches and lush green leaves. The branch was dead...appearing shameful in the light of the world with the overcast sky. There were no beams of light shining down on it. I just thought, in the night, in the darkness, it looks the same as all the other branches...no shame. However, had the sun shown through and beams of light shown down on it, it would have been a different sight.

Whatever is in the light is more noticeable,
yet the rays of the light itself provide beauty

...but also draw forth a new beauty that can only be seen when combined with the light...much like a rainbow.

I noticed the grass in the shade. I could see it, just existing by the light of the world. But as I looked over to where the morning sun's rays were illuminating the grass, the landscape sparkled with color and vitality and life...brightly exposed, yet every flaw and imperfection unnoticed by the beauty brought by the light.

The rain of shame that's drawn into or exposed by the light provides a "host" or catalyst for the light to shine through creating something new of awe and beauty.

My 60-second Backyard Airport

2008-10-11T11:14:00.002-05:00

This morning a little bird--not sure what kind it actually is--was pecking at the wood siding on my house and woke me up. I tried opening the window and tapping on the screen to scare it away, but to no avail. So I finally got dressed (intending to go outside to scare it away), but by then the tapping was gone. I stood by my bed looking out the window and waiting to hear it again, but what happened next was a wild sight.

Within about 30 seconds, my backyard had become an airport landing strip for everything in the area flying below 500 feet. Several arriving flights every second. By the end of the 30 seconds, I could see as much black on the ground as I could green in the grass. Then for the next 30 seconds, it was all departing flights...several every second. And my backyard was, just as quickly, completely green again.

Now, you're probably waiting for my typical spiritual application here. Ha! Well, I could, but my mind is at rest...and I don't want to wake it up...it doesn't rest like this very often. So for now, I will rest in the beauty, the fascination and the mystery of God and the flight of His creation.

Jesus Makes Lemonade

2008-10-07T09:22:00.005-05:00

I've been having some trouble with my van battery dying overnight occasionally, but only twice before this past Sunday. On Sunday morning, though, Dave had gone to church early to lead music, so ten minutes before the service started, I packed the kids in the van and turned the key. Nothing happened...it was totally dead, again.

I told the kids, "Sorry, kids, we're not going to church. The van is dead, and by the time we get it charged, church will be over." So I got the battery charger out of the tool chest and gathered the kids around. I thought this would be a great opportunity to teach them something about auto mechanics. First I coached Adam in opening the hood. Then I showed them how to safely connect the cables to the battery and then plug it in. We watched the needle on the guage rise just a bit to indicate it was beginning to charge.

Then we came in the house and listened to a children's Bible teaching on CD, discussed it and then read the book of Philemon in our Bibles. Eventually, we all went back out to the garage and I gave each of them a job in disconnecting the charger, putting it away, closing the hood and starting the van. It started.

I thought later about this story and was pleased that I had found the opportunity for good that was in a potentially frustrating situation. Actually, I was very excited. I have spent so much of my life being frustrated about the things that didn't work out how I wanted, and here I was taking the lemons that I was getting in life, and I was making lemonade...seeing how they can be used for good.

Then it occurred to me, that's what Jesus does. When He lets us know through Paul in Romans 8.28 that He will cause "everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them", He is letting us know that when something sours our lives from the lemons that are pouring in, He will make lemonade...He will make something refreshing and good.

Hannah's Relief

2008-09-27T10:50:00.003-05:00

I was reading this morning about Hannah at the beginning of the book of 1 Samuel. For the past two years, God has consistently pursued me with a "Come to Me" message. He's taught me much using Matthew 11.28 (AMP),

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]"

If we go to God with our stuff, all that stuff that makes us feel weary and overburdened, and we leave it with Him, then our souls should be eased, relieved and refreshed. If I walk away from that time with God and the result is not ease and relief and refreshment, then I've either not left all my burdens with him or there's something I've taken back.

I was reading this morning about Hannah at the beginning of the book of 1 Samuel. I was struck by the way she lived out, in Old Testament times, this New Testament verse. God is still God in both places.

Hannah's husband, Elkanah, had another wife as well. The other wife had children, but Hannah was barren. The other wife "made fun of Hannah because the Lord had closed her womb. Year after year it was the same--[the other wife] would taunt Hannah as they went to the Tabernacle. Hannah would finally be reduced to tears and would not even eat" (1 Sam. 1.6-7, NLT).

While in the Tabernacle, Hannah prayed to the Lord. 1 Sam. 1.10, 12-18 says:

"Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord."

"As she was praying to the Lord, Eli [the priest] watched her. Seeing her lips moving but hearing no sound, he thought she had been drinking. 'Must you come here drunk?' he demanded. 'Throw away your wine!'
"'Oh no, sir!' she replied, 'I'm not drunk! But I am very sad, and I was pouring out my heart to the Lord. Please don't think I am a wicked woman! For I have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow.'
"'In that case,' Eli said, 'cheer up! May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked of him.'
"'Oh, thank you, sir!' she exclaimed. Then she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad."

Aside from the interesting encounter with the priest, I was thrilled to see Hannah's example of Matthew 11.28. She was weary and overburdened, having been mocked and harshly treated by her husband's other wife. So Hannah, saddened and unable to even eat, took her weariness and burdens to God...and left them with Him. After she poured it all out to Him, she left the burdens with God and was eased and relieved and refreshed as "she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad." What is most interesting is that nothing in her circumstances had changed at that point. She was still barren and probably saw no change in the other wife's mocking.

Verse 19a goes on to say that "The entire family got up early the next morning and went to worship the Lord once more. Then they returned home to Ramah."

Hannah continued to worship God regardless of her circumstances.

And verses 19b-20 say, "When Elkanah slept with Hannah, the Lord remembered her request, and in due time she gave birth to a son."

God does take care of us. We must leave our burdens with Him and trust Him with the outcome.

What happens when you blow it?

2008-09-22T22:32:00.006-05:00

Last night, in our first meeting with our new couples group, we began a video study using "If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat." The first chapter dealt with fear of failure and our interpretation of failure. Ha! Could I relate, or what?!? (Normally, I would hide in fear and shame regarding my "failure", but God is growing me even now....)

Last week I had a perfect "failure" story, so I shared my story at our couples group. I had been in a practice session for a training course I've been doing. It was my turn to facilitate, and without going into all the detail here, after struggling through the first few minutes, I just blew it. I turned to our leader in "defeat" to quietly utter the words that have seldom ever come from my mouth: "I can't do this." As soon as I said it, the thoughts that filled my head were, "You are a failure. You are such a failure."

But recognizing that not all my thoughts are my own, I didn't entirely succomb to defeat. But rather, as we processed through what happened, I became encouraged by the words of each of the six others in the room...by their support, their helpful thoughts, and their encouragement that I had accomplished the beginning, and now I can just move on from there.

Afterward, I went home, and when my husband asked how my night was, all I could say in that moment was, "It was what it needed to be." I knew even then that God was doing something to transform me...and He was using this (and was going to use this) for good...much good.

My story encouraged the others in our couples group to rethink their own definitions of failure.

This morning, God was revealing to me that I needed to blow it last week. More than succeeding, I needed to experience the love and acceptance that would be poured out on me...even when I blew it, when I was grossly imperfect and failed by human standards. The response I received was healing and beautiful. And I certainly don't feel 'quite' as much pressure now to do it perfectly. I may still be quite lacking even next time, but I suppose I don't have to accomplish a whole lot to show improvement. :)

Anyway, it was what it needed to be.

Each of the others in the room last week was a tool that God used beautifully to bring a bit more healing into my life.

Detox for Intimacy with God

2008-09-02T09:21:00.009-05:00

I went to the park this morning to be with God (undistracted, alone and quiet)...something I've neglected for the most part this summer. I got absorbed into the routine of having the kids home for the summer and didn't prioritize regular, quality time with God. I would say that this summer I experienced God, for the most part, as an acquaintance...lacking depth and intimacy. And because of it, I was recognizing hungers developing in me...not necessarily for Him, but because I need Him.

Beth Moore has said, "3 months outside the Word is roughly 2 1/2 months inside a pit." I get that. For me personally, I need an ongoing dialogue with God to stay out of the pit. Although I certainly didn't completely forsake time with Him this summer, it was seldom intimate time. It was more like the kind of relationship you develop when you run into your neighbor each week at the grocery store. It lacks depth, so although I wasn't inside that pit, sometimes I was holding on for dear life at the top edge while my feet dangled over the edge and against the wall of the pit. Not the most enjoyable place to be.

So this morning, knowing I needed to re-connect with Him, I wanted it quickly, just like much of the rest of my life tends to be...getting things accomplished as quickly as possible. But...
GOD IS NOT GOD ON OUR TERMS!
God becomes just another god when we come to Him on our terms.

I couldn't just grab a quick fix like I would at the McDonald's drive-thru. He wants my heart so that He can give me His...so that He can be all that I need.

I recognized my need for DETOX time from all the burdens, trials, concerns, accusations, struggles, etc. that had been building or been heaped on me all summer. I could see that in order to connect well with Him, I needed to DETOX:

Deliberate - sit quietly in His presence
Explore what's on your mind and in your heart (needs, burdens, joys, weariness, ...)
Tell Him about each thing that comes to mind
Overrule the burdens by leaving them in His presence (Matthew 11.28)
eXpress to Him your gratitude for taking on your burdens (Philippians 4.6)

When I give up my weariness for Him to carry, then I'll finally be able to start hearing Him again and it will build deeper intimacy in our relationship.

So now as I'm detoxing and feeling so much freer, I sense a renewed life coming on. It's wonderful. I highly recommend this detox program!!

Clash of Hope comes to LifeCare

2008-08-29T00:01:00.009-05:00

I'm wrapping up our current LifeCare group (Healing Tears) over these next couple weeks (but don't worry, it will be back). On Sept. 18th, however, I will begin a new group using my book Clash of Hope*. Having never led a group using this book before, I'm very excited to finally go through it with a group of women. Clash of Hope approaches the issue of relational conflict and pursues God's perspective on the issue. Writing the book was very rewarding...and now I get to process through it with some others...studying some biblical examples (both good and bad) and situations of conflict, sharing some of my own stories of course, digging into our own "stuff", exploring our feelings and beliefs about conflict, allowing conflict to "work for us", etc. One of my favorite parts of the book, however, is the part where we disect the armor of God and determine what each part is, how it functions and how to use it as God intended. If you'd like to join me on this 3 month journey, feel free to reply on this blog, or email me if you have my email address.

I hope you'll join me as we see how conflict can have hope and even move us toward peace and the realization that "you have been given fullness in Christ" (Colossians 2.10).

*To order a copy of Clash of Hope, go to www.carepointministry.com/conflict.html

Joy in the Inner Dungeon

2008-08-21T22:10:00.003-05:00

I heard a teaching recently on Acts 16 regarding how Paul and Silas knew what God was calling them to...they knew their mission. Within their mission, they were stripped, beaten almost to death, thrown in the inner dungeon of a prison and put in stocks. It was because they knew their mission that they had an increased ability to endure suffering.

Good things for us to think about.

As I was applying this to my own life, I was struck by what Paul understood about his mission and what he was enduring. Maybe he had his own idea of what his mission would look like when he 'knew' (according to these verses) that God was calling him to Macedonia. Just like I have my own ideas of what my mission looks like in various areas...such as, with CarePoint, and with LifeCare.

But it appeared that Paul's mission was obstructed by all that he was suffering...being dragged away, stripped, severely beaten with wooden rods, put in the inner dungeon in stocks (16.18-25). Still, around midnight he and Silas were heard praying and singing and the other prisoners were listening. Paul seemed to completely trust God's mission for him, wherever it led him. He probably didn't know it at the time, but how else was the jailer and his entire household going to be saved??? God brought amazing redemption from the suffering.

It "appears" that some struggles in my life are obstructing my mission...but what is God doing? I have to trust that He's going to bring amazing redemption through what seems to be an obstruction to the mission...where it is more likely the more precise mission God has me on.... But there seemed to be a key aspect for Paul...and for me...Paul didn't know exactly where his mission would lead him, but he continued to rejoice, trusting that God would accomplish His mission through Paul and his joy and trust. That's what I want in my own mission. I easily forget the rejoicing part, but God can accomplish His mission right where I am...obstacles and all.

I have some questions for both of us...
What is going on in your life that seems to be obstructing what you perceive as your mission?
What is your response to that perceived obstruction?

In Paul's example, he prayed and sang hymns...something that, in those circumstances, arises out of trust in God's plan. That is not the natural response to suffering. Yet Paul responded with joy and trust.

Will I trust and choose joy in what seems like an obstruction but quite possibly may be a powerful tool that God will use to accomplish His mission?

God's Will from Swaziland

2008-07-12T23:50:00.004-05:00

My friend, Patti (left), recently returned from a mission trip to Swaziland, Africa. We talked for hours about the impact of the trip on her life, and it spoke to me personally in many ways. I think the words that had the biggest impact on me were: "You ARE God's will." There may be times to seek God's will, but with Him living inside me, I AM GOD'S WILL.

I am His hands, His feet, His voice. The question becomes, How can I be the representation of Jesus right where I am? ...in my house? ...with my family or roommates? ...in my church? ...in my neighborhood?

How is He choosing to use my hands in this moment?
Where is He choosing to go in this moment?
What are the words that He is choosing to speak through my mouth in this moment?
I AM GOD'S WILL, because He lives in me.

Most specifically, I'm hearing Him speak to me:
"Be MY voice. They need me."

I'm recognizing that this is how I can have confidence. I have nothing to fear in speaking to others, because I open my mouth to be His voice. There is nothing to fear in embracing the wounded, because we are reaching out with His arms rather than our own. We, as His followers, ARE His will.

Jesus' authority questioned in the temple

2008-07-10T09:13:00.002-05:00

I read Luke 20:1-2 recently: "One day as he was teaching the people in the temple courts and preaching the gospel, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, together with the elders, came up to him. 'Tell us by what authority you are doing these things,' they said. 'Who gave you this authority?'"

What struck me about this was that Jesus was in the temple when his authority was questioned. Today, WE are His temple. Our hearts were immediately transformed when Jesus entered in (Ezekiel 36.26), but our minds are in a process of transformation (Romans 12.2). Our minds still contain impurity and lies that have yet to be transformed (as we make choices to renew our minds), so we still have "Pharisees" in our minds that continue to question the authority of Jesus. As a result, we can end up confused, misguided and/or despairing. I'm challenged to claim the authority of Jesus in THIS temple.

Inadequacy and Leadership

2008-06-23T14:18:00.003-05:00

These two words, inadequacy and leadership, don't seem to go together. I'm quite certain that if I were to go to monster.com seeking employment and pursue jobs for which I am inadequate, I would very likely find NO ONE to hire me. There is so much here that I could talk about relating to how Jesus dealt with this scenario, but for now I want to focus on something that God has shown me this past week.

I experienced a few days where I received criticism (some very harsh and rude) from at least five different people, all on different issues. Combined with some other situations such as having my kids home for summer break (and my routine completely thrown off), struggling to find adequate time with God, and facing my own self-criticism (with parenting, work, friendship, etc.), I spiraled quickly into some hours (fortunately not days or longer) of despair.

Recognizing my desperation and that God was the only one who could rescue me, I escaped to my garage and sat in my van in complete darkness at midnight. For an hour and a half I pursued God about what was stirring in me and where the feelings of despair were coming from. I pursued His perspective.

What I heard was that He has given me life and brought me to this place in life for a purpose, for His glory. I have a certain, unwritten, standard for myself by which I measure my own success. Others may use a similar standard to measure my success or adequacy as well. But He reminded me that my standard of success does not determine His glory or the accomplishment of His purpose. And my failure or inadequacy never limits His ability to receive glory. Quite the contrary, as I seek Him in my weakness and inadequacy and desperation, He's the one that provides the power and sufficiency, and is glorified...He becomes the hero.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12.9-11).

Today, I got a missions support letter from my friend Kathy, who has been in missions leadership for 15 years. She said, "I am not necessarily a 'leader' in the eyes of the world, yet God has given me a heart to serve; a heart to help people grow in their relationship with God. ...it's caring for people day in and day out."

At the end of the letter, she concluded:
"As I seek God for wisdom and strength to care for others, I am also reminded of the example of the Good Shepherd...'He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; He gently leads those that have young' (Is. 40:11). Please pray for me as I learn how to gather, carry and lead."

Many of us are not born leaders. Yet God calls us to pursue others...and many of us in various forms of shepherding. We may not feel equipped to handle leadership responsibilities, yet He has promised to be our strength in our weakness. Isaiah 40 is such a great reminder of what a shepherd is and does! I'm challenged to get on my knees, recognizing my inadequacy, and then to tend to those in my care, to gather them together, bringing unity to our relationships, being intimately connected with their hearts, and gently guiding them in their own leadership.

So I echo Kathy's words: "Please pray for me as I learn to gather, carry and lead."

Reflections of Wayne

2008-05-26T00:22:00.001-05:00

It's so fitting that today, May 26th, is Memorial Day. Although he wasn't a veteran, May 26th is my brother's birthday, and he would have been 44 today. He died at age 40...3 years and 3 months ago after a 3 month intense struggle with cancer took its toll. Although those few final months are vivid in my memory in both painful and beautiful ways, my memory takes me back to one particular day just a few months before his illness evidenced itself. My dad and I were shooting at some targets at Wayne's house. Eventually Wayne came out to join us, holster and all, looking like a big kid playing John Wayne in some old western movie. My heart still laughs to think of the sight of him that day.

So, I'm just remembering....

Expectations

2008-05-25T22:46:00.002-05:00

I feel like I've been away for so long...you probably feel the same since it's been several weeks since I've written anything new. I have been consumed with editing for a new phase of workbooks coming out this summer...sometime in July I suspect. This phase of editing is winding down nicely and we will have three new workbooks to offer on the topics of:
Spiritual Insecurity
Widows' Grief
Childhood Abuse

These are all beautifully written with compassion and hope and vision for the future.

On another note, I was just reviewing some teaching notes from some recent church services and I came across some intriguing notes on Expectations...and how Jesus failed to meet people's expectations.
-Judas wanted financial resolution
-the people honored Jesus with palm branches, but within a week, they yelled, "Crucify him!"
They possibly expected him to free them from Roman rule, and they were disappointed.

Do we have an expectation of what Jesus will do if we follow Him?
He calls us to die..."If you lose your life, you will find it."

As we draw close to Him, we'll pray less for our circumstances to change and more for our own hearts to change.

(Notes based on the teaching of Pastor Peter Rufener, Saline Community Church, 3/16/08.)

Lessons from Pooh bear

2008-04-07T13:24:00.002-05:00

I just read this quote from A. A. Milne:

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh,” he whispered.
“Yes, Piglet?”
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw, “I just wanted to be sure of you.”
--A. A. Milne

Sometimes we don't need conversation or gifts or eloquent words or creative acts of service.... Sometimes, we just need to know our friend is still there.

Essentials for a church

2008-03-23T22:04:00.003-05:00

I was putting my daughter, Allison, age 9, to bed tonight when she informed me of what she thought the most important things were for a church to have. Here's her list.

The Most Important Things For A Church To Have:

1. some sort of Bread product ...because the Bible says "Give us this day our daily bread."
2. A Pastor
3. Disciplers
4. Good Teaching/Teachers
5. Bibles
6. A Cross ...because that's what Jesus died on to save us.

Shopping on an empty spirit

2008-02-26T17:54:00.002-05:00

In the mornings, I typically get my kids to school and then I eat breakfast and spent time with God after I get back home. That's a typical morning. Today was not a typical morning. As I was driving home from dropping the kids off, I was privileged to be the first vehicle to be blocked from continuing down the road to get home. There had been an accident where a car had gone off the road. Just as I approached, an ambulance, two fire trucks and a police car pulled up to block the entire road. I decided to backtrack and circle around to get home. Well, that took me right past Sam's Club, and I knew that I needed a few things for lunches, so I decided to take advantage of the convenience and go in.

It's very quiet in Sam's Club at 8 am, and most people are refreshed as they start their day. Many of the workers greeted me as I pushed my cart through the store, and I greeted them back. I was starting to feel the effects of not having eaten yet and was lacking a bit of momentum. One friendly worker said "Good morning" to me and asked how I was doing. I said I was good and asked how she was. She replied, "So far so good." Now all that was just fine, so for the life of me I don't know where my next comment came from. I commented, "Well, it's still early."

I walked away, asking myself, "What was that???????" for the next 5 minutes! The only thing I could come up with was that I was shopping on an empty spirit. I had not come with a refreshed, filled spirit, but I was running on fumes from the day before. The day before was a good day, but I need to be filled daily (often constantly) in order to overflow the fruit of the spirit.

So I came home, got my Life (cereal) and got my life filled with Him. :)

An Intent Look

2008-02-16T22:24:00.003-05:00

I've been crazy-busy with lining up authors for this years' CarePoint releases. We expect to have at least 4 workbooks this summer and at least 4 more in December. Can people really write that fast??? We'll see. But rest assured, if it's not quality stuff, you won't see it.

As a sneak preview, here are a few of the topics we expect to have this year:

Spiritual Insecurity
Hope for Widows
Infertility
Post-partum Depression
Fear
and something along the lines of intimacy hunger / hunger for nurturing... (I will be co-authoring [to be announced later :) ] this one and we still have to nail down the details)

I'm so excited about all that's developing with CarePoint right now. But one thing that God has been speaking to me this past week is from Matthew 19.26. As Jesus was talking with His disciples, KJV says, "Jesus beheld them". A word study revealed the original meaning behind "beheld" in this verse (from the Greek "emblepo") meaning "earnest looking".

And "earnest" refers to being "active or diligent". I love the New Living Translation of this verse:

"Jesus looked at them intently."

When has someone looked at you "intently"? I know when I look at someone actively, earnestly or intently, it's because there's care, purpose, direction and deep connection. That's how Jesus looks at his followers...at me...and you if you follow Him.

I want to return the look and capture His gaze. I don't want to miss it.

The Best Christmas Tree

2008-02-08T14:36:00.000-05:00

I realize it's a bit late for Christmas, but I just wanted to share my favorite Christmas tree picture...taken by my friend Maureen, with my friends Monika and Patti. :)

Like a Child

2008-01-25T13:10:00.000-05:00

Jesus' disciples were arguing. First, I find it comforting that the people He chose to be closest to Himself were clearly imperfect and had issues. I can relate...and could fit in there.

Their argument in Matthew 18 was about which of the disciples was the greatest. Have you noticed any friends of yours that do that too? Have you had that competitive edge yourself? I do at times. As I thought about where that comes from, I thought there must be a sense of insignificance that drives us to compete in this way. Somehow, we must not be fully accepting and resting in the significance given to us by the God of the universe, our own Creator.

Jesus' response to the disciples' argument was to bring a child to stand in front of them, stating, (as Beth Moore puts it) "You want to see my idea of greatness? Take a look at this child."

Now I'm wondering, what was it about a child that made him/her great? Some possibilities I thought of were:

unquestioning faith
uninhibited intimacy
authenticity...they're real...they haven't learned to feel one way and act another (and be passive/aggressive or wear a mask...)
confidence in another's love (they don't need to compete for love; they trust it)
A TENDER HEART

I was most struck by the last one. I think it's a tender heart that allows all the other things.

What would you add to this list? I'm curious to hear some replies.

Peace, Not War

2008-01-15T10:39:00.000-05:00

Last night, the Lord brought to mind the hymn "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" as I re-read my last blog and the verse at the end. He was allowing me to see that I had been fighting hard against the enemy, and yet He wanted to bring me peace. There are times when we need to fight...and fight hard...and there are other times when we think we have to fight, but we really don't because He's already won. He was reminding me that this particular time was "a time to wage peace, not war" and to rest in the victory that He's already gained.

I was enjoying some peaceful worship time this morning as I joined Chris Tomlin in a chorus of "How can I keep from singing". It spoke to me in many ways today, but everytime I hear it, one particular line melts my heart: "I am loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing." And not only that, but I am (and you are too) loved by Him so much that He sings over you and me.

Zephaniah 3:17 (NKJV)
"The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."

January 12th Birthdays

2008-01-12T16:11:00.000-05:00

Today, January 12th, I'm celebrating the birthday of two people in my life: my friend Monika and my friend Candi. Both of these women have impacted my life deeply with their faith, hope and love.

Today, I'm also being impacted by a different type of birth. God let me know many, many months ago that I was to write a workbook on the topic of FEAR. I wasn't sure why at the time...and I really didn't feel qualified, although I knew people I could consult, so I was agreeable to the task. Since then, God has revealed some truth to me about my own life...that fear exists in it. I think it's interesting that we can live in such a state of self-unawareness! So I rolled with the increasing insight into my own life, and I've been working through my fear-related issues and taking a lot of notes (for my own remembrance AND for the book), and I believe I've been learning and growing much in this area.

Yesterday, however, I told God that I was ready to be done with this issue. That I really didn't want to write this book. And that I'm okay to...to just...not grow in this area anymore...that I've grown quite a bit...and it's all good, but I can be done now. :) I reemphasized to Him that I really didn't want to write the book!

I don't think God and I were necessarily on the same page....

Earlier today, I was listening to a dvd from Dan Allender's conference. Dan talked about Abraham [known as Abram at the time] being called by God out of the comfortable and affluent society (Ur) in which he lived, and into an unspecified other place. According to Halley's Bible Handbook, "Just preceding the time of Abraham, it was the most magnificent city in all the world" (88). And then during Abraham's time, it remained an important city alongside Babylon. By societal standards, Ur was definitely the place to be!

But, as is often the case, God had a different plan and a differing idea of "the place to be". In Genesis 12.1, "The Lord had said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you.'" I'm guessing my response would have been something like, "But I am comfortable and secure right where I am. I already know there's nothing better on all the earth." But Abraham, being the [albeit flawed...just as I am] father of faith, left his comfort and security to just...go...not even knowing where he was going.

I was struck with this idea of leaving comfort and security and going wherever God leads, not yet knowing where that is. It hit home as we have just recently become convinced that it is time to leave our current church and continue on a journey. I'm stunned at how much insecurity gets stirred up in me with not knowing where I/we will end up.

God had revealed fears in me that I didn't know existed. And now I was ready to be done with the revelation and teaching...figuring He had taught me enough. Ha! He's committed to me, for better or worse. And He has reminded me that He is committed to seeing me through my fears, including the fear of writing this workbook ...on Fear.

So His reminder is like a new birth for me. It's a recommitment to the journey He has for me.

Lamentations 3:22-24 says,
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"

I will wait for Him...because His compassions are new every morning, and He is faithful. He provides each day as a new birthday.

Hope

2008-01-05T17:51:00.000-05:00

I was just glancing at Matthew 21...Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem.
The people were celebrating...anticipating that this was their time for
deliverance. Those filled with hope had no idea that their hope was about
to be crushed literally to death. As I linger in that moment...those two or
three days where the hope was crushed and there is much confusion and
uncertainty and maybe even a sense of hopelessness for some, there's
heaviness...grieving...a passionate desire for things to be different. Then
suddenly death is transformed into life that has more depth and meaning and
hope than it could have ever contained before.

Recently, I've felt like I've been in those two or three days...in various ways. In one situation...where there had once been celebration, I feel death; in another...where I
was experiencing (and seeing) so much connection (and transformation) with
people, now the circumstances have changed...more grieving.
I'm anticipating and I sense (and I hope I sense correctly) that this death
that I feel will suddenly be "transformed into life that has more depth and
meaning and hope than it could have ever contained before."

We must hold onto that hope. Ours is a God who brings life out of death!

Discipleship and "the prize"

2007-12-28T13:02:00.000-05:00

I was reading "the faith chapter" in Hebrews 11 a little while ago...and intrigued by the last verses 39-40. The version I'm reading, NLT says,

"All of these people we have mentioned received God's approval because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised. For God had far better things in mind for us that would also benefit them, for they can't receive the prize at the end of the race until we finish the race."

Whew. My first inclination was to skim over this quickly because it was hard to follow all the "we", "us", "they" and "them" statements. But I thought again and decided to try to understand it.

Look at two other versions with me:

The Message Bible says,
"Not one of these people, even though their lives of faith were exemplary, got their hands on what was promised. God had a better plan for us: that their faith and our faith would come together to make one completed whole, their lives of faith not complete apart from ours."

And Amplified says,
"And all of these, though they won divine approval by [means of] their faith, did not receive the fulfillment of what was promised,
Because God had us in mind and had something better and greater in view for us, so that they [these heroes and heroines of faith] should not come to perfection apart from us [before we could join them]."

The point of unity becomes so clear in these verses...we need each other, both here on earth and in the heavenly realm, in order to be complete and perfected as God intended. We cannot be loners in our faith. Rather, we will be completing and perfecting our own lives (now and eternally) when we seek to speak LIFE into others and build BEAUTY into the lives of others. Then, together, being a TEAM, we will receive THE PRIZE for which we have long awaited.

The completion of our reward doesn't end with us. When we die, it is not the end of the ramifications of our lives...including our rewards. Our eternal rewards will have much to do with the effectiveness of our discipleship...how well we have overflowed God's Spirit into the lives of those around us.

For more on effective discipleship, read Glenn McDonald's book, "The Disciple Making Church". I read it this summer and it was excellent!

Groanings...the language of God

2007-12-21T09:02:00.000-05:00

Surrounding us this time of year we hear "Joy to the world", "Jingle Bells", "It's the most wonderful time of the year", and other cheerful songs of the season, but Christmas isn't always a happy time.

Just two days ago, I watched an 83 year old man kiss the love of his life good-bye as he saw her for the first time in her new surroundings...a beautifully carved wooden box they picked out years earlier. Holding onto 65 years of precious memories, yet unable to stand or even speak, his weeping and groaning filled the room. No one in the room could comprehend the loss he was experiencing, and although we stood witness to a deep, deep pain, no one could adequately interpret his groanings.

Romans 8:25-26 says, "But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words".

I find this verse comforting; God's Spirit speaks with groanings that have meaning far beyond what can be expressed with mere words. God's Spirit perfectly understood that man's loss and pain...providing undefiled, perfected communication with God. And God certainly hears. Acts 7:34 says, "I have heard their groaning and have come down to set them free."

Soon after Jesus' birth, He was sought to be killed by the king. I'm sure God heard groanings of despair from Mary and Joseph. God sent an angel to direct Mary and Joseph, along with Jesus, to a place of preservation and protection.

We have a God who hears our groanings as we live in a world filled with disappointment and pain. As He hears our groanings, and interprets them perfectly, He comes to set us free.

Guilt Free

2007-11-28T23:00:00.000-05:00

I was reading in Isaiah 6. At the time that God called Isaiah into ministry, Isaiah says "I saw the Lord...." He goes on to explain what all he saw, and in it all, he was overwhelmed by the HOLINESS of God. In fact, he was so overwhelmed by God's holiness that he immediately felt exposed in his impurity saying, "'Woe to me!' I cried. 'I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips....'"

Just then a seraph (possibly an angel-like being) touched his lips with a hot coal saying, "'See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.'"

After that, the Lord says He needs someone, and Isaiah responds, "'Here am I. Send me!'" No feelings of shame for the impurity that existed in him before God cleansed him. And no sense of inadequacy for being used by God. I think he just knew he was clean and ready to go where God wanted to lead him.

What I'm most moved by is the idea of the hot coal. As believers today, we have Christ's atonement for our sin, and we have been purified through His death and resurrection. I see the coal as being the equivalent of Jesus' blood dripping down the cross. He calls us to drink His blood (i.e., wine as a symbol of His blood), which touches our lips and infiltrates our entire body, symbolizing the same cleansing of our entire being just as the coal cleansed Isaiah's unclean lips.

If we have accepted the atonement, we are guilt free! And we can stand purified, and move in freedom, and be ready for Him...whatever He has for us.

"The Most Important Thing"

2007-11-13T22:54:00.000-05:00

The other day my daughter, Allison, got an award for her thoughtfulness at school. Her teacher had noticed that many days during recess, Allison would walk around picking up trash. Wanting to acknowledge her efforts, her teacher announced her award to the entire school at their morning assembly.

A few days later, Allison and I were beginning a project of making pillows for her school's Marketing Day. Referring to being able to offer the pillows for sale to the other students, the conversation went like this:

Allison: Maybe other kids will like me now.

Me: The other kids don't like you??

Allison: That's what got me into picking up trash at recess.

Me: Well, they don't know what they're missing by not being your friend.

Allison: Well, it's okay. I have lots of other friends at home. Besides, the most important thing is knowing God loves you.

Oh, that our hearts would be able to acknowledge loss and desire and yet be so content...having the faith of a child.

Shackles Removed

2007-11-08T10:22:00.000-05:00

I was worshipping God this morning with Chris Tomlin's song "Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)". The first verse says,

"I once was lost"
How often do I live like I'm still lost!? ...but I am no longer lost. I need to live in the freedom of knowing I've been found.

"I once was blind"
...but I am no longer blind. He's given me eyes to see what needs to be seen. Will I look through His eyes?

"My chains are gone"
...I am no longer bound. I remember an analogy I heard once about how elephants are trained and controlled. I found this description online:

"If you have ever gone to the circus you’ve seen this “elephant trainers” principle in action. By that I mean the huge two-ton elephant shackled by one leg. At the end of the shackle is a small wooden stake dug into the ground. Hard to believe but true, that elephant is being limited by that short chain and the small stake. Obviously the elephant has enough power to free itself and roam around as he pleases. Yet the elephant has been conditioned to accept this limitation. You see as a youngster the shackle placed on his leg was able to hold him in place. After tugging on it for a certain period of time his leg became bruised. This created enough pain in him that he stopped attempting his own freedom. Once he accepts the limitation imposed on him it becomes a permanent belief, or in his case, a conditioned reaction. Now as he grows into adulthood, he has the power to easily pull the stake out of the ground, but his conditioning has taught him that the effort will not only be futile, it will be painful as well."*

I've also heard that the elephant's behavior remains controlled even after the shackle is completely removed...and he responds as if he is still shackled.

It occurred to me that I all too often live as if I'm still bound and shackled even though I have been freed by Christ Himself. I need to live like I've been freed.

If you have the song, or any version of Amazing Grace, I'd encourage you to put it on, turn it up, and remember, if you've accepted His gift of grace, how deeply amazing it is.

Our chains are gone!
We've been set free!
Let's live in the freedom of Christ today!

*http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Martinez1.html

A Lesson From Garfield

2007-11-05T14:01:00.000-05:00

Why do we pray?

I mean, what are our motives behind praying? I think one reason we pray is because we want life to work. Our tendency is...
-if someone's sick, we pray they'll get better.
-if your car breaks down, you pray it will work.
-if I don't have money to pay my bills, I pray for money.

That's all fine...and it's good in the sense that God tells us to pray for what we need (Php. 4.6) and to cast our cares on Him (Ps. 55). He, too, cares about these things. I'm wondering, though, if our tendency to pray for health, wealth, comfort and ease is because that's where we find LIFE.

He, Himself, reminds us that He is the Life, not our circumstances. He certainly cares about our circumstances, but for now, the higher priority is character above circumstances and trials. He'll use the circumstances and trials to develop godly character in us and beautify us.
Evil is fighting for our hearts, and with our sinful nature, we will naturally gravitate toward the evil.

But God is passionate about our beauty. He's still creating beauty, and He will turn our ashes into beauty (Is. 61). Of course, we have to hand over our ashes....

Where I find life will be evident in my prayers. Will I trust that He has life for me? If I'm seeking life in Christ alone, certainly I will take my needs, cares and concerns to Him, and my prayers will sound more like Jesus' prayers:

“My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done” (Matt. 26.42).

"Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one" (Matt. 6.11-13).

I know I cannot find LIFE apart from Him...so I run to Him asking Him to be the One to fill me...regardless of my circumstances.

In the words of an animated, self-absorbed cat, I began my prayer time with God today:

"Love me; feed me; never leave me." --Garfield.

The Crash That Disabled Me

2007-10-29T11:11:00.000-05:00

You haven't seen much activity on this site the last couple weeks. The reason: my computer crashed into a deadly virus. I can't believe how much time is required to carry out the efforts of euthanasia on this device...and then breathe life back into it!!

I have some thoughts from my time with God this morning that I want to share. I hope to post them later today. :)

Weakness

2007-10-17T09:39:00.000-05:00

My mind has been spinning regarding one topic: weakness. It's not like it's a new topic...we're all quite familiar with weakness, whether it's our own or someone else's. But I have never seen weakness quite the way I see it now.

The main thought is this: "Our greatest weaknesses are often rooted in woundedness."

Let that thought simmer in your mind for a bit. It's the idea that when you touch on people's greatest weaknesses, you are likely touching their deepest wounds.

This past Sunday, this idea hit me on a deeper level to where I began weeping. I realized that some of the things that I see in others...things that might annoy me, like some of their weaknesses...things I may have approached (or may have wanted to approach) out of frustration...they are often the result of deeply painful wounds that person has endured. I'm seeing these things now through the eyes of compassion...and it breaks my heart. It brought me to the point of telling God, "I never want to approach someone's weakness again!"

That's when I heard Him speak to my heart, "Now, you are ready."

"Ready!?!" The thought left me breathless and overwhelmed, filled with grief. I could see that to approach someone's weakness well takes great care and reliance on God.

After spending a day with this grief, God showed me the hope and the purpose in it.
In 2 Corinthians 12:9 God says, "'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'"
And in verse 10, Paul concludes that "...for when I am weak, then I am strong."

Paul had been given a (v.7) "thorn in the flesh" (a wound) that invoked his weakness, but God promised His power nonetheless. Paul learned that our weaknesses allow us to become, in the words of Henri Nouwen, a "wounded healer."

You may want to study this for yourself, but it seems that nearly all weakness comes from wounds. In Leviticus 26:36, we see that in certain cases, God would bring weakness to a group of people. This may be an exception where the weakness is totally inflicted by God for a purpose, apart from woundedness. On the other hand, there may be unseen distrust in God on the part of that group of people, and that distrust may be the result of a wound. This is one that may require a deeper level of study....

In Genesis 3, we see that Eve's sinful nature was the source of her weakness in giving in and eating the forbidden fruit. Our sinful nature, of course, is always at the root of all sin. In Eve's sin, it could be that the serpent's betrayal inflicted a wound (even though she didn't recognize the betrayal or the wound at the time) that stirred up her sinful nature in a way that caused her to distrust God and seek life apart from God. Within her sinful nature (as with ours), the wound became the instigator of her weakness.

Aside from Paul's example in 2 Corinthians 12, there is one clear example I can think of in Judges 16. Samson is the strong man. The wound of betrayal by Delilah completely zaps his strength and he is left weak.

Think of ways that your own wounds have brought weakness to your own life. For me, one thing I think of is public speaking or anything that requires my voice. (Now I'm getting vulnerable with you here.) In elementary school, I was taken out of my classroom on several occasions to meet with the speech pathologist, because, from my six or seven-year-old perspective, there was something wrong with me and I didn't measure up...and it became a wound in my soul. It's an area that has been a huge weakness in my life, but an area where God is gradually bringing about healing. A big step in my healing process was having to record audio CDs for use with our carepoint workbooks...and then another part was hearing a friend's positive feedback about one that she heard.

Whatever our wound was and the weakness it brought about, if we want to find the strength that Paul talked about in 2 Corinthians 12, we must trust God. Here's the pattern that we'll hopefully follow:

WOUND ---> WEAKNESS ---> TRUST ---> GOD'S STRENGTH

The question is: How long will we walk in the weakness before we put our trust in God in this specific area to receive His strength?

HOPE is here!!!

2007-10-09T21:09:00.000-05:00

...Clash of Hope, that is...my newest book on conflict resolution. It just came in the mail today and is available to order at http://www.carepointministry.com/.

Let me share with you just a few short excerpts:

"This workbook is intended to be a catalyst for healing for those who have found themselves struggling with conflict issues. This isn't intended to be as much about 'how to' resolve conflict (stay with me here) as it is exploring God's sovereignty over conflict, the pain involved in it, and the good that God is able to bring from it...."

"Our own woundedness deeply ties into how we handle conflict, how we resolve it, how we respond to it. From many of our perspectives, conflict equals rejection. We interpret a message that says conflict is not love. ...Before we can successfully approach and work through conflict, we need to be able to delete the equation. Unless we delete the equation, those old wounds and messages will trigger stronger, inaccurate reactions. Deleting the equation requires replacing lies with truth...." (20-21).

"As long as we have woundedness, we will have a tendency to hurt each other. And when we hurt each other, there's a battle. We must not get so wrapped up in the battle that we miss the love story of which we are a part" (111).

"God is continuing to speak to me about grace and helping me to understand his grace toward me on a much deeper level. I had put on my Comfort CD by Kathy Troccoli which began with the song, That's how much I love you. The words begin:
I died for you
I'd do it all again if I had to
To show you what you really mean to Me
...I recognized my own attitudes and behaviors toward God...the times (whether long ago or recently) when I've been angry and hurtful, selfish, demanding, accusing, etc., and in it all I've deeply hurt the One who wanted to be closest to me. But what really astounds me is God's response to me. Notice the words in the song above again. In the midst of all the ways I inflict pain on others, he chooses to lay down his own life, to give up his own justice and happiness, so that I can know grace, freedom, and my own deep value" (117).

I'm excited about the resolution God will bring about in many lives through this tool. Please check it out and let me know what you think.

LifeCare small group kick-off

2007-10-08T20:57:00.000-05:00

God has led me in an amazing way this year to be involved with a new parachurch organization called LifeCare (http://www.lifecarechristiancenter.org/) that exists to see people freed from their various forms of bondage and experiencing the abundant life that God intended for them. I wish I had the time to share all the details of God's orchestration in bringing me to LifeCare, as well as all the transformation he's brought about in my life...particularly over the last six years (I am SO totally different than I was six years ago...or even a year ago for that matter). He amazes me!! I could write volumes about it (in fact, so far I have 3 books accounting for glimpses of it...check those out at http://www.carepointministry.org/).

God is in the business of transforming lives, and His goal is His own likeness. His intent is good; His desire is for beauty and strength.

The small group that I started this past week is called Healing Tears, based on my book by the same name, and deals with the issue of emotional discontent and discouragement. I have a wonderful group of women that I have the privilege of walking beside and watching as God beautifully transforms their lives. I am so excited about all that He's going to do in the next ten weeks!

I have been on my knees in prayer for these women and for this ministry. I know that we are reliant on Him to see great things happen; to see bondage broken; and to see abundant life obtained and wildly lived out. Please pray with me that God will continue to amaze us with His powerful work at LifeCare.

God cares about every hair on my head

2007-10-05T15:14:00.000-05:00

Subtitled: the day I used 'black' shampoo

My friend took me into an Indian store, handed me a 'special' bottle of "blackshine" shampoo, and told me I had to try this. Having dark blonde/very light brown hair, my skepticism increased as I read the bottle: "for black hair that lacks lustre", "Do you feel ignored when someone else outshines you with great black hair? And do you worry that you haven't done enough when your hair is not at its shiniest black?", "...nourishes from deep within to reveal blacker, shinier, silkier hair."

This worried me. She, however, reassured me that they are appealing to Indian women who all have black hair, and that she used it and her hair didn't get any darker (but then again, she has dark, dark brown hair!!), and that it would make my hair more vibrant. But that wasn't all...she opened the bottle to allow me to sniff the pleasant scent and reveal the jet-black color of the shampoo! The thought of putting something, that looked like the grease a mechanic would use, on my hair was quite unnerving. Somehow, my anxiety and skepticism didn't keep me from paying $6 and walking out of the store with this bottle of shampoo in my hand. (I need her to do marketing for me/CarePoint!)

I decided quickly that I would need at least a couple days to warm up to the idea of actually risking using the stuff.

So today, debating whether I should touch up the gray in my hair with color or try black shampoo (for black hair, to make my [blonde] hair blacker...and shinier), I decided to forego the coloring to try to get my hair healthier first...and maybe the black shampoo would help nourish it.

So...in the shower, I delayed the black shampoo as long as possible.... Then the time had come. I gently picked up the bottle, shook my head in disbelief at what I was doing, and squirted some in my hand. My head still shaking in disbelief, I inspected the color..."Oh, God, what am I doing?!?" With my fingers of my other hand, I touched the black substance, my head still swaying from left to right..."What is possessing me to do such a thing?!?" I'm confident it wasn't in disrespect, but rather a plea for help that "Oh, God; Oh, God; Oh, God" kept resonating in my head.

"Walk by faith, not by sight" came to mind (no doubt from my plea to Him for help), which I repeated to myself many times. I began to put some of the black shampoo in my hair (and then glanced out the shower door into the mirror to make sure it was turning white...like normal shampoo). Deciding it was all or nothing, I covered my entire hair with the stuff, massaging it in thoroughly. It smelled good, and seemed to have a good feel so far. Then, questioning the use of conditioner, I chose to resort to Aveda, something I trust.

The deed was done. Now would come the test..."When I open the shower door and look in the mirror, what color will my hair really be?" The scene from "Runaway Bride" flashed through my mind when Julia Roberts and Joan Cusack colored Richard Gere's hair with a rainbow color. There was a small hope welling up within me that it might actually darken some of the gray a bit...that would be nice. And I have been considering going a bit darker again anyway, so a slightly darker tint might be nice.... So the door opened, and there I was in the mirror...appearing exactly the same (gray and all) as before (but with a slightly elevated blood pressure).

I don't know about shinier at this point, but it does seem to be silkier. :)

Do not use Son block

2007-09-23T21:54:00.000-05:00

I was driving to the swamp for some quality prayer time the other day. It was soon after sunrise, and as I drove, I noticed the rays of the early morning sun casting a haze ahead of me. The sun's rays reminded me that the rays of the SON of God are always shining down on me.

It compelled me to ask myself, "Am I allowing the rays of the Son to penetrate my whole being? Or am I, in some way, using SON BLOCK?" May it never be! May the Son always penetrate all of me.

...like my van refusing gas

2007-09-20T08:32:00.000-05:00

I've spent the past three days entirely consumed with proofing two workbooks (over 300 pages) before they go to print. Proofing doesn't mean I just look them over...it requires examining every detail, every space and tiny mark on every page as well as the content and flow of content, etc. It drains me.

I woke up this morning, and before my eyes were even open, I felt the emptiness and began praying out of desperation, hating that excruciating empty feeling, begging God to fill me.

Well, I dragged myself out of bed and got the kids off to school. I got home and just felt a numbness toward life...a feeling I also hate. I knew I needed help...I needed God. I collapsed on my bed and tried to pray a bit, but still felt empty words and numbness. I found notes I had written yesterday from one of the workbooks about Samuel being called by God. I remembered being moved by the story, and I prayed the words Samuel spoke when he first heard God's voice:
"Speak. I'm your servant, ready to listen."

Actually, my prayer was more like this:
"I'm so empty from pouring myself out for CarePoint. 'Speak. I'm your servant, ready to listen.' I want to bring you glory, Lord. What do you want me to do?"

He answered quickly:
"I want you to stop working today...and REST. Let Me just love you. Let ME make you ALIVE.

My brain is sometimes hard to slow down though, thinking...
"I need to get something out of 'this'."
or
"How can I speak life into the situation I'll face...today...tonight...tomorrow...whenever?"

But I rested, and listened, and heard Him soothe me, and felt Him fill me...as I listened to Travis Cottrell (Beth Moore's worship leader) speak songs of truth and beauty into my soul.

How often I have missed the "filling" though and kept trying to serve Him and please Him. It occurred to me that refusing to rest and let Him fill me is like driving into a gas station and my van insisting on continuing to serve me but refusing to let me fill its gas tank. It can't serve me without allowing me to fill it. We can't serve God without allowing Him to fill us.

Like Beth Moore says:
Empty yourself in giving everything you've got, and then run to him to get filled up again.

Does God hear you?

2007-09-12T11:03:00.000-05:00

How do you know if God hears you?

Some think that God hears only when His answer is "yes" to the things we ask. Others think he always hears us.

I was reading in Hebrews 5 this morning and was particularly struck by verse 7:

"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission."

This tells me:
1. God hears us when we live out reverent submission to Him.
2. When God hears us, His answer will not necessarily be "yes."
3. When God's answer is not "yes," we must trust that He has a greater purpose, a greater glory in the "no" or the "wait."

Mosquito chronicles

2007-09-07T12:45:00.000-05:00

So, back to my enemy, the mosquito.... My son tells me that it's only the female mosquitos that bite (I suppose that stands to reason).

Anyway, I was reading in Nehemiah 4:11-21 (NLT). Listen to this:

11Our enemies said, "They will not know or see until we come among them, kill them and put a stop to the work."
12When the Jews who lived near them came and told us ten times, "They will come up against us from every place where you may turn,"
13then I stationed men in the lowest parts of the space behind the wall, the exposed places, and I stationed the people in families with their swords, spears and bows.
14When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people: "Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses."
15When our enemies heard that it was known to us, and that God had frustrated their plan, then all of us returned to the wall, each one to his work.
16From that day on, half of my servants carried on the work while half of them held the spears, the shields, the bows and the breastplates; and the captains were behind the whole house of Judah.
17Those who were rebuilding the wall and those who carried burdens took their load with one hand doing the work and the other holding a weapon.
18As for the builders, each wore his sword girded at his side as he built, while the trumpeter stood near me.
19I said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, "The work is great and extensive, and we are separated on the wall far from one another.
20"At whatever place you hear the sound of the trumpet, rally to us there. Our God will fight for us."
21So we carried on the work with half of them holding spears from dawn until the stars appeared.

What stands out about this for me is that they knew there was the threat of battle, and they were prepared, as they held their weapons while going about their work. But they didn't allow the potential for battle, maybe even the fear of battle, to distract them from the work God was calling them to do.

And then we see Nehemiah's confidence in God...he knew what God had called him to do and that through his obedience, God would bring victory. That's the kind of confidence that brings internal peace.

LIFE

2007-09-04T09:25:00.000-05:00

I am so struck this morning with the LIFE that God pours into my spirit. I was spending time with Him, and part of that time included listening to Chris Tomlin's song, "Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)", the chorus of which is:

"My chains are gone; I've been set free
My God, my Saviour has ransomed me
And like a flood, His mercy reigns
Unending love; amazing grace"

Oh, God, what amazing, amazing life you give...when we forsake our idols, casting them aside, to worship you alone. There is so much freedom and so much beauty there. You call us to freedom...may we live in it. I pray that those who see my life wouldn't miss the amazing life and freedom and beauty that I experience with You! May they find and know that LIFE!

My enemy...the mosquito

2007-09-03T22:12:00.000-05:00

What do you do when you're attacked by an enemy?

As I write this, sitting at my computer, I am being attacked by a small, but powerful and relentless mosquito. He has bitten my foot twice already, and the two times I've caught a glimpse of him, he has eluded my death trap. My vengeance is growing as my fear grows...my fear that he will attack again...because he has proven that he is out to get me. I'm developing a paranoia...I keep thinking I feel something landing on me, but I look and there's nothing...yet.

Am I accomplishing the work I set out to do tonight? Not at all. I'm completely distracted and afraid to NOT focus on what I fear.

Have you ever been there? ...Feeling like you had better stay keenly aware of the very thing you fear or else you are doomed? Psychologists may call this hypervigilance. It keeps us from living in a state of peace and joy...believing that we had better watch out for ourselves, because no one else will.

Hmmm. But is that right? No one else will? How easy it is to forget that I have a God who is intimately acquainted with everything in my life...including the big enemies and the little ones. That being true, I ask the question again, what do you do when you're attacked by an enemy?

After thinking about this, I chose to pray. I asked God to either give my enemy into my hands that I could defeat him OR to defeat my enemy himself apart from my effort and give me peace. I realize God's answer could be "no" to both options. He could allow my enemy to attack again. But faith would allow me to believe that God would still use it for good in a way that maybe only he knows (maybe for my character, maybe for your benefit, maybe to teach me how to fight enemy attacks, maybe for some reason I couldn't possibly understand). Will I trust him? ...so that I can live in peace and joy.

Markings of a Leader

2007-08-16T12:13:00.000-05:00

I have had various positions of leadership throughout the years. Some of those 'positions' don't always make us think of the actual term 'leadership' (such as parenting, sharing with others what God has taught us, providing direction, etc. -- these are also significant forms of leadership). Last night, as I was anticipating beginning a new leadership position as a small group leader, I thought about what I desire to mark me as a leader (in this new position as well as in the less 'obvious' leadership positions I have). And in those thoughts I prayed,

"Lord, may I have the strength, courage and humility to get lower than those I'm leading. May I get beneath them to lift them up and push them ahead. May I remain free of the expectation that they should be serving me or that I deserve their service. May I be filled by God himself so that I can come and be a servant leader."

I thought about Barnabas, Paul's mentor, who pushed Paul ahead to where he became much better known than Barnabas himself. And Jesus, how he set the example in serving as he washed the feet of his disciples.

I don't want to live out the typical American leadership mindset that would require the followers to wash the leader's feet. Jesus himself said, "the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Matthew 20.28 and Mark 10.45).

In these thoughts, I'm asking myself some questions:

1. In what ways do your leaders display this kind of humility? (It is my prayer that those I'm leading could answer this easily.)

2. In what practical ways can I demonstrate this kind of humility toward those I'm leading?

May we carry the same leadership markings as Jesus.

Scheduling

2007-08-08T13:28:00.000-05:00

Whew! We've had some humid days lately! The grass is looking so much nicer, but I've been hybernating inside with the kids and the a/c. I'm about to venture out beyond the mailbox soon....

I'd appreciate your prayers for these next couple weeks. Aside from the in-town events, I have a lot out-of-town adventures on the schedule, and in the midst of it, I need to get two manuscripts edited. I need to use my time wisely.

I'll be leaving in a couple hours to go to my parents to pick up Tim who has been staying there this week. We'll come back home tomorrow.

On Friday, Dave and I leave for a quick, overnight camping adventure in central Ohio. We're hoping it will be a time of relaxation and connection with God and each other.

Then Monday morning I leave for my parents' again, and on Tuesday the kids and I will spend the whole day at the county fair with my dad, who loves to take us every year. It's a very fun tradition.

Next Thursday is the 3rd monthly LifeCare meeting, and then on Friday, I may be going to Indy for the weekend to see a friend I haven't seen in 18 years, as well as tour my father-in-law's ice cream plant and visit a church that may be interested in implementing CarePoint materials.

If you sense God's leading, please pray for each of these events...and the manuscripts. I long for God to do amazing things through each of them. Thank you so much!

Have you had enough?

2007-08-01T19:51:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel like today's trouble is so much that you can't take anymore?

GOD SAYS THAT'S TRUE!

Jesus said in Matthew 6.34 (NLT), "Today's trouble is enough for today." And because today has enough trouble, "don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries."

Now isn't that encouraging???
Well, it IS...only if you can really give yourself over to the verse before it. Matthew 6.33 (NLT) says, "he will give you all you need from day to day...." But, there is a catch. The rest of the verse provides the qualifier: "...if you live for him and make the kingdom of God your primary concern."

Wow! That's quite a calling. Think about it (go ahead and make a list):

What or Who did you live for today?
What were your concerns today?

What made the top of your list(s)?

Can you confidently say that today you have lived for him AND you have made the kingdom of God your primary concern? What a challenge.

We need to make the kingdom of God our primary concern. Our sanity, our peace, our very lives depend on it.

Tomorrow I can start fresh and, by his grace, choose the direction of my life. When I awake, I will choose to live my day for him, to make the kingdom of God my primary concern, believing with unwavering confidence that he will take care of every one of my needs for the day.

Clothed in righteousness

2007-07-31T13:28:00.001-05:00

Last night I went for a walk in a park with my friend Patti. On our walk, we came to a dam with one of the gates open. Patti knew in the moment that there would be a message in it for me and that it would be posted on my blog today...she was right.

She and I had talked about the stillness of the larger body of water that filtered into this small space to be released down into a narrower body of water that was very stirred up and flowed with greater strength.

Today I'm listening to Travis Cottrell's song, "Search Me, Know Me." The chorus says,
Create in me a heart that's clean
Conquer the power of secret shame
Come wash away the guilty stain of all my sin
Clothe me in robes of righteousness
Cover my nakedness with grace
All of my life before you now I humbly bring.

Oftentimes, our lives can move along smoothly and with little disruption, and we may even look pretty good. We, as believers and followers of Christ, because we have God's spirit, long for a heart that's truly clean.

What happens when the world presses in on us, or possibly God presses in on us, and moves us from our comfortable, free space into a channel of disruption? It feels chaotic, out of control, frustrating, scary and painful. We no longer look in the mirror and see the carefree, undisturbed calm that existed "pre-dam" experience. Suddenly we've become a disrupted pile of nerves that has just crashed painfully against rocks creating a foamy discord, a fishy odor and casting a certain mist that is certainly not appealing.

So what's the point to all this?

As God guides and protects our way over the disruptiveness, it exposes who we really are. It exposes, as the song reveals, "our secret shame, our sin, our nakedness" that we covered so well in the places of little disruption.

But here, where we're exposed...this is how God so amazingly and wonderfully responds:

He conquers ...through his own death and resurrection
He clothes us ...He gets the most beautiful clothing and puts it on us
He covers us in grace ...the clothing He chooses for us announces the message...
"RIGHTEOUS!"

Isaiah 61.10 (Amp)
"I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul will exult in my God; for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself with a garland, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."

Follow the leader

2007-07-29T13:44:00.000-05:00

I'm reading a great book right now, The Disciple Making Church, by Glenn McDonald, senior pastor of Zionsville Presbyterian Church in Indiana. It's leading me to ask some really good questions of myself that I haven't explored in quite awhile. I've summarized my thoughts/questions here....

To whom are you looking to lead you? Who is your mentor?
To whom do you look to be your example(s) in life...maybe your hero?

Be assured, you will become like this person / these people.

I have mentors who know me, and then I have other examples that I seek to follow... such as many positive biblical examples, Beth Moore, Kathy Troccoli, etc. I am careful about what I allow into my mind. But not everyone is. We need to consider what people we are looking to as examples, what books we read that influence our thoughts, and what music we listen to...it will ALL influence us.

We live in such a loud world, that even when we are careful about our influences, we will still have to battle the negative influences as well as the sinfulness of our flesh.

Recently, my 3 kids were arguing. When I tried to intervene, they each spoke very loudly over each other trying to get his or her own story heard. Finally, over the chaos, I yelled, "Shut up!" There was immediate silence (since this was quite a rare occurence). My oldest son (who is, by the way, half way through his blackbelt training program for karate) appeared quite offended at my instruction as he silently took a step toward me with an aggressive look in his eye.... We all just stood frozen for about 5 very long seconds until I said, "Uhhh, I learned that from Jack*." We all laughed, and I apologized.

As my son, Jack*, is learning to get control over his speech, I've been influenced by it. That's why Paul says in Galatians 6.1 "...if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted." Be in there to help, but be careful.

There are plenty of negative influences that will always be around us. We must watch ourselves and make sure we do what we can to surround ourselves with righteous influences. May it be our heart's desire to be a light for others...with no darkness in it. John said of God, "In him was life, and that life was the light of men" (John 1.4). And Paul commissions us with Jesus' own message: "For this is what the Lord has commanded us: 'I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth' " (Acts 13.47).

And finally, Jesus commissions us: "See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness" (Luke 11.35).

*Note: name change to protect his dignity.

Being Incarnational

2007-07-29T12:48:00.000-05:00

The other day I was at a relative's house enjoying some quality outdoor time, much like how I grew up out in the country. I sat peacefully by the pond for a while, shot some baskets with others, played with the puppies and cats, shot a couple different .22 rifles at targets, .... It was great! Someone commented on how I seemed so relaxed in that environment...I was in my element.

I've been connecting with that lifestyle so much more recently that sometimes it hurts to not have it...for me and for the kids.

A couple days later, it was my night out. I drove down some roads scoping out potential lots similar to how I grew up. I wondered where my discontent was coming from...flesh or spirit.

I picked up a Mocha Frappuccino from my favorite coffee shop and was en route to a nearby park to read when I inadvertently passed the driveway to the park. As I prepared to turn around, the Huron River came to mind, and I was drawn to go explore it in the direction I was driving.

When I got close to the river, wherever I found a place to park along the river, there were already people there, so I continued on...looking for a less-busy place. I drove around a curve and noticed my old college dorm. Immediately, a whole slew of thoughts flashed through my mind, but the predominant train of thought was that (23 years ago) I had left the open country space of where I grew up, and I packed myself into a small, confining dorm room. It reminded me of what Jesus did by becoming incarnate...leaving the expansiveness of heaven and cramming himself (God of the universe) into the confining space of a woman's womb for nine months. And after that, living confined to his earthly mission for 33 years, knowing one day he would be free again in the expanse of heaven.

I'm not sure yet what all this is communicating to me, but my initial thought is that I'm longing for heaven, and one day I'll have it. But for now, my mission is to be incarnational, embodying the Spirit of Christ, while submitting to the confines presented by the goal of reaching the lost, loving others and laying down my life...ultimately loving God through my flesh. It's often painful, disappointing and sometimes even leaves me feeling trapped. But the Apostle Paul said he "learned the secret of being content in any and every situation" (Philippians 4.12). And Jesus himself told us that this world would bring us trouble, trials and sorrows, and will not satisfy us, but ultimately, it will be okay (John 16.33). When his Spirit lives in us, we have the only component for peace. And when we have that component for peace, believing by faith that God is caring for us, then we can live incarnationally in a disruptive world.

Spiritual Gifts

2007-07-14T22:37:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about "mission" lately. One area in particular relates to spiritual gifts. As I was reading the book of Mark, I was noticing that (although He undoubtedly could have) Jesus didn't often seem to display a wide range of spiritual gifts. We don't see Him, in Scripture (as far as I can tell), focused in areas such as singing with the music team, playing the lyre, preparing budgets and helping to build houses for Habitat For Humanity (although he was a carpenter by trade). Instead, he certainly taught often (and was often referred to as Teacher). But what stands out to me is that He focused much on healing. People were constantly coming to Him to be healed.

I have not noticed a gift of healing in myself, but I did do a couple online spiritual gifts assessments to understand better where God might have me focus in His unique work for me.

When it comes to our gifts, sometimes others may be something of a devil's advocate. Sometimes we are to ourselves. There have been others who have condemned me in my gifts, and there have been times when I've been blind to or critical of the gift and condemned myself. But God has gifted me uniquely so that I can be a blessing to Him and to others. Here are some thoughts I had that are challenging me:

"God says to me, 'I have called you and equipped you to display the gifts of ____________.'"
"What do others others say about you?"
"What do you say about yourself?"
"Who will you choose to believe?"

CarePoint Workbooks

2007-06-27T12:09:00.000-05:00

Did you know you can order my workbooks (or any CarePoint workbook) online at two different locations?

CBD has them available at:
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/easy_find?Ntk=keywords&Ntt=carepoint&action=Search&N=0&Ne=0&event=ESRCN&nav_search=1&cms=1

or they can be ordered directly from the CarePoint website at:
http://www.carepointministry.com/discouragement.html
for "Healing Tears"

and
http://www.carepointministry.com/sexabuse.html
for "Life Beyond the Scars"

We'll have the next phase of workbooks available toward the end of the summer, which will include my newest release "Clash of Hope: Getting to the heart of conflict resolution".

I hope you'll check them out and that they will be meaningful in your life.

The Swamp

2007-06-12T12:52:00.001-05:00

Ah, well, school gets out tomorrow, and I expect my swamp visits will be a bit less frequent for the rest of the summer. Fortunately, my friend Patti asked me for pictures of the swamp (in 22 years, I've never taken a picture there!). So this morning I went and took some. Now I'll still be able to enjoy the view of the swamp from my own house.... :)

Make some noise!

2007-06-11T12:06:00.000-05:00

I'm at the swamp today. There is both life and death here. There's something scary AND enticing about the swamp. Despite the name I've given it, there is beauty here...with the lush green colors in the trees and grass and bushes, the beauty of the water, small islands, blue sky...nature as God created it at its core.

There is also the overgrowth of trees and bushes along the trails, the trash, fallen dead trees, wildlife that can strike intimidation into me, mud, a half-rotted railroad tie, dead leaves and sticks and swamp growth cluttering the water's edge....

As I walked up to the water, something exuding life leapt into the water, and as I squatted down, taking in the landscape, a big splash startled me--maybe a beaver, or some other water-loving creature, entered the water several yards away from me. It can be a bit scary not knowing what lurks around you...and then knowing what does.... It can feel very vulnerable.

This is also the world around me.

It can seem so scary, intimidating, corrupt and dead...yet there is life in it because it's God's creation and He breathed life into it. The question I ask myself is, "How can I draw out life from what is corrupt or threatening or appears dead?"

At the swamp, what arouses life?
My silence: when I'm still and life resumes its normal course.
My presence: when I make noise that disrupts the normal flow of activity...maybe arousing fear, maybe arousing attention to what's important, and bringing about change.

I live in a corrupt world...a swamp or sorts. As I sit silently, life will resume normally around me. But if I make some noise...godly noise, I will disrupt the norm and effect change. The change will be disruptive...sometimes leading to godliness and sometimes greater ungodliness. But if I don't live with a VOICE in my world, not even good change results.

...So my sister is getting married. I've already been forewarned that some of her friends may present things at her shower that I would consider in poor taste. Some of these people want to help plan the shower...and I'm aware of the type of cake they want to get.... My heart sinks, yet this is the world (it's Babylon...if you did Beth Moore's Daniel study). As I think of how to respond, I wonder about challenging them toward life... "There is something much better in you than that...you have something good, something so much better to offer." It's what God has breathed into them...that only He can cause to grow to fullness of life.

I want to find and draw out the life from what has become so corrupt. I want to make some noise!

Late for church!

2007-06-11T11:14:00.000-05:00

My husband, Dave, and I are implementing a Bible reading plan for our family. The kids decided on which book of the Bible to start with: the book of Mark. So, each day (6 days a week) we read the passage on the schedule and then usually discuss it at dinner.

On our way to church Sunday morning, we discussed the Mark 7 passage (we missed discussing it the night before). But I was frustrated! I had gotten up in just enough time to get MYSELF ready to go. When I was ready, I went to find everyone else. No one else was ready, or even moving in the right direction. That's when the frustration hit.

Eventually we got on our way...right on schedule to arrive 15 minutes late. I could feel the battle within me...that battle between knowing the best thing would be to be at peace and the anger that no one else seems to care about being on time.

Mark 7 was about "Inner purity." The Pharisees were upset that Jesus' disciples didn't strickly adhere to the Jewish ritual of hand washing before eating. Jesus' reply began in verse 6: "'You hypocrites! Isaiah was prophesying about you when he said, "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far away...." For you ignore God's specific laws and substitute your own traditions.'"

Ouch. It struck right at my heart. Just like hand washing before eating is a good practice, so is getting to church on time. But when the ritual/activity becomes more important than having a heart/attitude that honors God in the moment (wherever I am, on time or late), I dishonor God.

My worship time that morning was humbling...and good...filled with repentance and gratitude for His grace and forgiveness. It was perfectly fitting when we sang, "I'm coming back to the heart of worship. It's all about You, Jesus."

Backyard Attack

2007-06-08T12:28:00.000-05:00

There has been much attack in my backyard lately. First, I noticed a squirrel running along the top rail of our wood fence...and then birds dive bombing the squirrel in shameful attack. Then I saw birds attacking other birds (trust me, it wasn't love...there was anger in their dispositions). And that's not to mention the live traps we've set to eradicate our chipmunk population, the trampoline wars and squirt guns. War in my own backyard...!

Today I watched a robin looking for worms in the grass through a gentle rain. Suddenly, another bird swooped in. I quickly anticipated another battle, but to my delight, the swooping bird, another robin, landed right beside the first, dropped something out of its mouth for the first bird and then flew away.

It gave me a fresh perspective of community, caring for each other, spewing out love for each other. It was a good reminder of Philippians 2:4, "Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."

Swamp Water

2007-06-04T21:05:00.000-05:00

I came to my favorite spot at the swamp tonight. Earlier, a friend had asked me to pray for her, and since I didn't have plans for my night out, I sensed that the swamp was my destiny.

As I approached, there were a couple people near my new spot on the west side, and three cars parked on the south side. I got to my favorite spot on the southeast corner, and it was vacant. :) I knew I had to walk down the trail...God had something to speak to me there. It was wet and muddy at first (a good deterrent to others for my alone time...although I was open to however God wanted to speak).

I was drawn to one place in particular. I stood on the higher ground overlooking the beauty of the sun setting over the water...the resolute breeze blowing toward me. I was compelled to draw nearer to the water, stepping down the slope to meet the water at the shore.

The higher ground, however, is more comfortable and provides a better view. It occurred to me that the wind, channeled by the Spirit, will push the water toward me, but just as Jesus stepped down from His higher ground and into our world to be incarnate, I needed to step down from my higher ground to the water.

Some of the trees nearby were actually in the water. My thoughts articulated, "I have to approach the water to reach it...and sometimes I have to take the uncomfortable step of walking out into the swamp water to rescue those who are dying in it." Something shiny at the edge of the water captured my attention...then I noticed the single dead fish floating....

Just then my spirit heard a voice saying, "Look up." I looked up to see a beautiful evening sky...but more than the sky...a destiny that overwhelmed my heart with longing...a longing that would certainly, one day, be fulfilled. But resting in that "one day," I was called to look back down...to approach the water...to bring life to what exists in the water. It's right in front of me...the Spirit is blowing it my way.

*****************

Mark 1:14-17 "...Jesus went...to preach God's Good News. ...'Turn from your sins and believe this Good News!' One day as Jesus was walking along the shores..., he saw Simon and his brother, Andrew, fishing with a net.... Jesus called out to them, 'Come, be my disciples, and I will show you how to fish for people!'"

Question: What is the water in my life (that is right in front of me...that the Spirit is blowing my way) ...the shore that I can approach and walk along...calling disciples and fishing for people?

The tension between heaven and earth

2007-05-30T12:09:00.000-05:00

It seems like there's constant tension in my life. One area of tension is with raising my kids...trying to train them in the way they should go when their flesh doesn't want to go there.

Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

In this world I will long for what completely fills me. And when I find Him, and when I really understand that He is my only sufficiency, I will want Him more than anything...and I will realize I need Him more than anything. With that realization, it will be more difficult to engage in the world. But He has us still in the world for a PURPOSE that includes involvement in the lives of those around us. We will live in this world with a constant tension between our very real need to constantly be with Him and our purpose of being in the world and pouring out ourselves for others in the world.

This idea was highlighted yesterday morning through my visit to the swamp. My swamp lesson came like this:

While still at home, I wrote out a list of things I needed to talk to God about...things I needed complete alone time for...even being alone at my house wasn't enough (there are distractions). I needed the ALWAYS quiet, no-one-ever-around place where I hear God most vividly and connect with Him in undistracted devotion. I needed the swamp. So to the swamp I ventured.

I have a favorite spot at the swamp...the southeast corner where I can park, and if I want, I can get out and walk north, with water on both sides of me, to several locations overlooking the water...there are many options.

The time before last that I was there, I was surprised when someone pulled into "my" spot just ahead of me...to go fishing. Disappointed, I scoped out a new spot and ended up connecting with God in a way that seemed to make this new location the perfect spot for the day. Then on my last visit, I decided to return to that new location where God spoke clearly, again, to some specific issues in my life.

Yesterday, however, I was longing for my favorite spot...anticipating it. I arrived only to see a man fishing at my favorite spot...certainly not conducive to my ALONE time to bask in God's presence and hear His voice...or so I thought.

Disappointed again, I kept driving...scoping out more potential locations. I stopped at two on the south side...neither of which was "right." They just felt completely wrong. So I drove to the west side and pulled into the location from the last two visits. Still, it just wasn't right. I noticed a potential spot at the southwest corner, but I was too distracted there...partially by an unusual amount of trash, no place to sit, etc.

I decided to go back to my favorite spot and see if the fisherman had left yet. He was still there. I decided I would still go there and walk back beyond his fishing spot where I was relatively sure there was complete solitude.

As soon as I parked and turned off my van, another car pulled in right behind me. I watched as a woman got out with her fishing pole (!) and walked down the trail and out of sight. Just then another car pulled in behind her and then drove around her and parked just out of my sight. I was stunned at the "traffic," but I was quickly beginning to hear the swamp message for the day. Accepting my circumstances, I started writing.

"In this world, there will always be tension between caring for our time WITH God and caring for our time FOR God."

As much time as I get with Him, it never seems to be enough...and it's not enough, because this isn't the world we were created for. But the time we get...the time He allows, will suffice until we enter the world we WERE created for.

As I wrote, several runners ran by, and one man, "just looking around," walked by my open window and started chatting with me briefly. Several minutes later, the first two people left and then a man and his son came with their fishing poles. I realized I need to be open to disruptive opportunities (the trouble in the world) so that I can reflect what Jesus has overcome.

If I'm right with Him, my time with Him probably won't feel like enough, but it will suffice until I enter a new world with Him.

So yesterday morning was a totally unusual and public swamp experience...as I pursued ALONE time with Him. God is certainly not predictable.

Still

2007-05-26T22:16:00.000-05:00

As soon as I parked, I recognized how still the water was at the swamp...barely moving at all. What grabbed my attention most was the reflection in the water...the brilliant and nearly unflawed reflection of the many hues of green from the trees with the clarity of the branches, and the blue sky.

Aside from the dust that was settled on the surface of the water...on the surface of the reflection, the reflection was almost like the real thing.

Lately I've been struggling with some anxiety and stress, knowing that it is not at all good for me! It occurred to me, with the water's reflection, that I reflect God best when I'm still. I may be spending time with Him, which is crucial to reflecting Him, but if I'm filled with anxiety and stress and fear, I won't reflect Him. Instead, I'll appear like the water on a windy day, and others will only see waves of turmoil and discord.

He reminds me to 'come to Him' and leave my burdens with Him. Matthew 11:28 says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." When I go to Him, I need to leave my stuff with Him, trusting that He can take care of my stuff. Only then can I be still and reflect Him well.

Blindfolded faith-walk

2007-04-04T12:58:00.000-05:00

Back in my "Come to me" post I mentioned the Juan Mann "Free Hugs" video that has been widely circulated online at youtube.com. (It can be viewed at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e3Emjk3Zko&mode=related&search=.) The first time I saw it, something about it kept drawing me back into it. Then I realized it was the idea of 'taking love (God's love) to the streets' that drew me. At the time, my book Healing Tears was just being released. I heard God leading me to "Take Healing Tears out of the church and into the street." Skeptical, I complained, "But how am I supposed to take a 10-week 'healing' study to the street...???" I didn't get it.

Soon after that, I was driving along and noticed, for the first time ever, SafeHouse. Immediately, I got it. That's the street. A flood of memories came to me from my own childhood experience at a safehouse...and the love and care that I experienced there with the staff. I pursued taking Healing Tears there, but an opportunity hasn't become available at this point. But it did give me a broader view of how to take God's love out of the church and into the community.

Then I sensed God calling me on a "blindfolded faith-walk"...to leave my small group and spend between 3 weeks and 3 months at another large church's care ministry. I spent 4 weeks there, gaining insight, building relationships and building a vision for the 'church'. Through a very unexpected turn of events, God had me return for one more week and confirmed that my time there was finished. (Sorry to be so vague, but this IS the internet.)

Now I'm awaiting direction for the next step. I'm excited as I see potential opportunities for my involvement in God reaching the streets of my community...and reaching the hearts of multitudes of people...much like I saw in the Free Hugs video...but then also transforming those hearts into lives of beauty and freedom.

I will continue, with excitement at what's ahead, on my blindfolded faith-walk. I've finished my Clash of Hope workbook on conflict resolution, and I'm just reading it over before I send it in. So I get a little break!! :) Please pray for God's direction and that those of us needing to hear it will listen closely. Thanks for reading.

When God shows up

2007-03-24T17:46:00.000-05:00

This past week was very occupied with the shows that my boys (my two young thespians) were in (The Jungle Book/Cinderella), and I've been very occupied with that the last couple days. I know it's been several days since I last posted, and I wanted to post something; however, whenever I tried to sit at the computer, I couldn't do it. And I certainly couldn't sit here to work (still have more to do). My head and neck ache...which makes it difficult to think on a deep level.

As I sat at the computer and got to this website, I lamented at my inability to sit here. I slid (literally) out of my chair and to my knees. Now, you have to picture this. Light off, kneeling in front of and leaning on my chair, my neck feeling too weak to hold my head up so my hands were holding my head up as the chair supported my elbows. I felt like the woman in the First Alert commercial: "I've fallen and I can't get up!" Yes, I could move around, but to sit still in this one position, to do the one thing I needed to do, felt impossible.

As I prayed, the verse from a song I learned back in college came to mind...Psalm 145:14-16:

"The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing."

Here I was, fallen (in a sense) physically, bowed to my knees, eyes on and seeking him for help, trusting him to show up and meet my needs...knowing he doesn't always meet our needs in the ways we want or in our preferred time frame. But I also know he's honored and loves it when we look to him and put our trust in him. So however he responded, I was committed to looking to him and trusting how he chose to provide.

All I can say is that I was filled with praise as I felt renewed strength in my neck again and was able to hold my head up. And I told him I would tell you about it. I do need to tend to some issues in my neck soon, but for now, "The Lord upholds" my head and is strengthening my neck.

I'm thinking about how often we struggle with issues...and struggle, and struggle...without falling to our knees and getting our eyes on him (I know we ALL do it). But how he longs to make eye contact with us...in those times and all the time. He is so passionate about us and delights in our attention!

"Oh, that they would always have hearts like this, that they might fear me and obey all my commands! If they did, they and their descendants would prosper forever." --Deut. 5.29

Back to work now to finish the last chapter of "Clash of Hope." Please pray for God's words in this chapter on 'Good Conflict'. It's been the hardest, but I know he'll show up and make it as he wants.

I'm praying for you.

Customer Reviews on CBD

2007-03-19T15:18:00.000-05:00

If any of you is interested, I would love it if you would write a review of one or both of my books (if you've read them) on the CBD website. Just go to www.christianbook.com, do a search for Healing Tears or Life Beyond The Scars, and then scroll down to customer reviews. Thanks.

God pouring out his glory

2007-03-17T20:32:00.000-05:00

I've been very, very consumed with editing workbooks, for the next round (phase 3) to be released this July, as well as writing one on conflict resolution. I sense the prayers of friends, and I am so grateful. I love what I'm doing, but this crunch time is exhausting.

I've focussed entirely on writing this week, and I sense God pouring his words into me...in ways I couldn't accomplish on my own. I have the majority of this workbook (Clash of Hope) written...about three more chapters to go. I hope to have it completed in the next week. I am so excited about what God is speaking through me into this book...I want to share it all with you now (but please buy it in July! :)

I'm feeling a bit weary, achy, and tired from long days and late nights, so please continue to pray for my endurance. My kids, in particular, are feeling the effects at times...even though I'm doing my best to keep them as a priority. We just don't have as much down time together (a temporary thing). All my time is used very deliberately right now (and for the next 2 or 3 weeks). My spirit continues to stay refreshed, yet I don't want to take it for granted...so if you would, please pray in all these ways.

Thank you so much for supporting me. And please feel free to comment with your own prayer requests. It encourages me, and I will pray for you.

I'm thinking about all of you right now...and what God says about you in Romans 8:30, "And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And he gave them right standing with himself, and he promised them his glory."

Come To Me

2007-03-13T20:12:00.000-05:00

I'll confess; I'm trying to play catch-up here and give you some background before I give you current highlights.
"Come To Me" is a theme that I had been hearing from God from about November through January. Here's the quick synopsis:

1. Someone mentioned the song "Come to me" back in Nov. Not being familiar with it, I googled it and found that Celine Dion did this song recently on her "Miracle" album. I read the words (which are written from a parent to a child), and what I heard was God speaking directly to me.
Some of the words are:

"I will always love you no matter what
No matter where you go or what you do
And knowing you, you're gonna have to do things your own way
And that's okay; So be free, spread your wings
And promise me just one thing...

"If you ever need a place to cry
Baby, come to me; Come to me
I've always known that you were born to fly
But you can come to me
If the world breaks your heart
No matter where on earth you are
You can come to me..."

2. Okay, fast forward a couple weeks. My friend, Monika, shared a verse with me that was speaking to her: Matthew 11:28 (AMP), "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]"
Her insight was that if I go to God with my burdens, and then I leave that time and I'm not refreshed, then there's some burden I've either taken back or haven't left with him at all.

3. My friend, Erin, shared a funny online video link with me, and then I noticed another video link in the margin, so I checked it out. It was Juan Mann's "Free Hugs" campaign (I'll say more about that another time), but the song in the video starts "I don't mind where you come from as long as you come to me."

I savored these three "come to me" messages for a few weeks until...
4. Then it all came together. I had been seeking Life apart from God (again), and He was gently reminding me of the only place I would really find LIFE. Inside I was feeling like an anxious, restless, unfilled, panicked mess. So I decided to get in bed and read Psalms (because David, the psalmist, understands me). I randomly opened my Bible to Psalm 40 and started reading, "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire...." Yes, he does understand me, I thought, relieved. I continued reading, and then I came to a verse that just jumped off the page, "Then I said, 'Look, I have come.'"
God had been calling me, and yes, I had come...and He was there.

5. The next morning I woke up to spend more time with the Lord. I found many verses in Psalms reminding me that "My Hope Is You"...my hope is God. It was refreshing. Then several more follow-up "come to me" verses came to me that built on the message God was speaking to me...

John 7:37b "'If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.'"

Joel 2:12 (AMP) "Therefore also now, says the Lord, turn and keep on coming to Me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning [until every hindrance is removed and the broken fellowship is restored]."

Romans 8:30 (NLT) "And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And he gave them right standing with himself, and he promised them his glory."

I hope you're enjoying His glory today.
Till soon.....

Quick Thought for the Day

2007-03-09T14:52:00.000-05:00

The other day my friend Beth and I were talking. Among other things, we pondered this thought:

God is working;

Don't live like He's not.

It's easy to get wrapped up in resolving everything we have going on in life, dealing with all the frustrations, etc. And then I remember this thought. He has something going on...and then my hope is to be able to see what good things He wants to bring out of my circumstances.

Aloneness

2007-03-07T23:49:00.000-05:00

I've been juggling my time between editing and writing a workbook on conflict resolution. The last few days I've focussed on the editing, but I'm so torn because I have to get them both done, and I want to do both, yet I'm overflowing with thoughts on the conflict resolution chapter I'm on. It's focussed on the armor of God, and I just can't wait to get all my thoughts out. Here's a synopsis: This morning, much was coming to me about ALONENESS.

There's a song called Come To Me by Celine Dion that says,
"And the seven seas you sail
All the winding road you're on
Leave you lost and feeling all alone
Let my heart be your beacon home."

And Jesus said in John 16.32,
"But the time is coming--in fact, it is already here--when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me."

We can relate, at times, to the first three lines of the song, and the first sentence in Jesus' words. As Christians, we have Satan as our enemy, and he wants us to get stuck in those beginnings--those tragedies. But the truth is in the last lines: We have a safe place to rest in God's heart, and there, we are not alone.

Whatever we believe will impact what we do...how we move in life. A friend just reminded me that the primary initiation of all of our physical movement comes from our waist area. It's fitting then, that in the armor of God, the belt of truth covers the center of all our movement...that is, what we believe will determine our action. If you believe you're alone, you will likely despair. But if, even in your aloneness, you realize you are certainly not alone, there is amazing peace, and you will move in that peace.

I must end that thought there for now. But feel free to share your thoughts or experiences on it.

Till soon......

the blogging thing

2007-03-04T21:27:00.000-05:00

I decided to try the blogging thing as a way to keep those who are interested informed, primarily, on all the CarePoint updates. And this way, it's easy for anyone to send a quick and easy comment or question as well...and please, please do so.

I'll also keep you informed on changes that are happening in our lives--there seem to be many new and exciting things relating to ministry these days, and I will be writing about that soon.

You will also, occasionally, get some previews of whatever book content I'm working on...it's hard to keep my mouth shut (or my fingers still) when God is speaking to me. It just pours out of me like it did with David in Psalm 40 when he said "I delight to do Your will, ...I have not restrained my lips, as you know, O Lord."

I will certainly include prayer requests as well. Especially when my work load gets heavy, like right now through April, I get weary and I need prayer. I would be so grateful for anyone willing to pray for me, especially through these times.

Thanks so much for reading. I will be writing more soon.