She talked about her love for Jesus

I was just praying this morning about my family. Thinking about how I only have a few summers left with Tim, maybe six with Adam and maybe seven with Allison. It's really not much time...and yet God doesn't need a whole lot of time to effect change and make an impact.

That thought took me back to my own childhood and the time I spent with my grandma, who had the biggest positive spiritual impact on me as a child. As I thought about what she did that drew my heart to God, I was a little surprised.

She taught kindergarten sunday school, and I went to her class (flannel-graphs and all) whenever I went to her church, but I don't remember ever doing any formal Bible study with her or receiving spiritual instruction from her. She didn't make sure I memorized verses and she didn't find a video for every issue that came up (eg, one on respect when I was disrespectful)...like I might tend to do occasionally.

Nothing wrong with those things, but it wasn't her approach. Jesus reached my heart through my grandma as she lived a life of love for Jesus in my presence. Although I don't remember her ever requiring it of me, each morning she would have her "Morning Devotions", and then through the day she would tell me when something she read applied to something we were experiencing in our day. Or she would tell me what she had talked to Jesus about. She talked about her love for Jesus, and I saw her love for Him as He was constantly on her mind and bringing joy to her face.

I remember making pudding (it was my job to either make pudding or jello for dessert while she made dinner) as she talked about Romans 10.13 being her favorite verse. She would say, "'Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.' I just love that verse. That's the verse I hang my hat on." ...she never wore a hat though...I guess it was hanging on that verse.

I think this is where I got my foundational ideas on discipleship. She invited me along as she lived her life in love with Jesus. It's not in a discipleship "class", 'though classes can be good. Discipleship that I learned from my grandma was her inviting me to come alongside her as she nurtured and cared for me, as I observed and she shared her deep love for Jesus, as she included me in ways she served others with a meal, a home visit, babysitting, delivering Avon orders, etc. Or sometimes she would just love me by taking me shopping, or getting a cozy, warm bubble bath ready for me, or painting my toe nails or putting "granny" make-up on my face.

I fell in love with her Jesus as she deeply loved Him and lovingly enjoyed me. I'm hoping for my own kids to experience that same.

Unidentified Baggage

She was well-dressed and well-groomed, ‘though I probably wouldn’t have noticed. She walked with a notable confidence, not entirely common of women exiting a waiting room bathroom.

I was engrossed in a book, my head lowered toward the pages, when my eyes glimpsed the bright white train flowing so freely from her heal as she passed in front of me. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so noticeable had it not been for the rather dark colored décor and adequate lighting of the orthodontist’s office.

Only one other person was in the room—a man obviously aware of the sight. I could tell he was aware because of his sudden stillness. He sat uncomfortably motionless as only his eyes inconspicuously followed the train. Then it happened. The train broke loose and sat in a bundle directly in front of him.

The woman disappeared and will likely never know her impact on her world, nor will she ever recognize the baggage she once dragged behind. But we’ll get to that thought in a bit.

The man in the room continued to sit quite uncomfortably. I was uncomfortable. There was tension in the room, but neither of us was willing to acknowledge the toilet paper…or each other for that matter. It was a bit more comfortable to pretend we knew nothing about the toilet paper.

Several people walked through the room, stepping around or over it. Eventually, a woman gracefully passed by, picked it up and threw it away. Amazingly, all the tension immediately left the room.

There are times when someone crosses our path with baggage so blatant that it makes everyone uncomfortable, except the person himself who is oblivious to it, but reacts to everyone with his, “What’s wrong with you?” attitude. I’m thinking of one man who has serious anger issues. He will behave with rude impatience with nearly every interaction and then respond to the stares around him with, “What’s your problem!?” He’s blind and clueless with no hope for change until he’s able to see his own toilet paper train.

Some toilet paper trains get left in the room leaving its witnesses uncomfortable…and sometimes wounded. People can leave a profound impact and never even realize the train they dragged behind.

As I continued to sit in the waiting room, writing these notes, a mom came in with her daughter. They sat down, but within a couple minutes, the daughter got up to get a magazine. Immediately, the mom said to her daughter, “Come here! You have a Band-Aid stuck on you.” The daughter, looking horrified, squealed, “Ew!!” and quickly pealed it off the leg of her pants.

When we’re able to see our baggage—our own toilet paper trains dragging behind us, or at least the impact our baggage has, then we’re finally able to address it and let God remove it from us.

"Oh, man, I didn't see that coming!!"

Subtitled: "Shaken, not stirred."

I often get stirred up by various things. My spirit may stir and move me toward compassion. My emotions may get stirred up and move me toward looking at various aspects of truth or lies in my life...and finding God in the pursuit.

Sometimes my world gets "shaken" up and turned upside down. There are things I don't see coming, and I feel thrown off track or that the rug has been pulled out from under me. I'm facing one of those times now.

I thought of Joseph in the book of Genesis. I thought of how God had a plan to use Joseph in a mighty way. God even gave Joseph a vision when he was young of how God was going to use him. But then we see the jealousy of Joseph's brothers and how they intended to kill him and get him out of the picture by throwing him into a pit to die, but then chose, instead, to sell him into slavery.

Can you imagine God saying, "Oh, man, I didn't see that coming! I guess I'll have to find someone else and figure out another plan. It's hopeless for Joseph."

No way! God is not at all surprised by our circumstances. God certainly saw it coming and knew how to accomplish His plan both THROUGH Joseph and IN Joseph. But it required Joseph trusting God...and Joseph DID trust God. Many times it seemed the rug was pulled out from under Joseph, but God used each instance as a stepping stone toward the destination He intended.

That's the beauty of God. As I'm being shaken, and as I trust God's sovereignty, every time the rug gets pulled out from under me, God will use it as a stepping stone to move me along toward His beautiful destination for me.

Seeking Relief in the Right Place

I was reading Dr. Kenya Ayers' blog this morning. She had an entry highlighted at her radio program website (http://www.relationshipsolutionsonline.com)...
July 29, 2008
When you Least Expect Him…

This was a timely message for me. She had gone to Cedar Point for a little retreat from life, and heard God speaking to her on one of the rides...

“This (meaning the Matterhorn ride) is what your life is like right now. It’s spinning wildly, you feel that you’ve lost control and you’re holding on for dear life. But it’s ok. Just like this ride will soon come to an end, so will this season in your life. Just hang on a little while longer and you’ll be fine.”

He's saying this to me now. I've been wrestling with stuff (in many different ways and with several different things) the last several days...and drawn to various ways to find 'relief' and comfort. We all have our ways...whether it's food, relationships, sleep, video games, etc. Life can feel a bit overwhelming at times, and I just want to find comfort and be rescued!!

As I was spending time with God about this yesterday morning, I think I opened my Bible and then fell asleep. When I woke up a few minutes later, my Bible was open to Ps. 69. Over and over, and all around that Psalm, David was pouring his heart out and pleading with God to save him, to come to him, to rescue him, to help him, to answer him, to pull him out of the mud, to take care of him, .... I had been feeling a bit guilty for wanting to be rescued and comforted (in my own ways), but God was speaking to me that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be rescued and comforted...and David knew (at least at this point) the healthy place to turn for relief and comfort. God wants us to turn to Him to be our comfort and rescuer. Nothing else will be sufficient. His comfort may not exist in our timing, but it will come at the right time...and He will do what's good and best for us.

Women of Grace conference

This past Saturday I had a small part in speaking at a Women of Grace (not to be confused with Women of Faith!...ha! ...maybe someday) conference. It was wonderful; a group of about 30 women (and one man...my friend, Pastor Tony, sat in on part of it). God was so intricately involved in it. Did I say it was wonderful? Hmmm.

Three of us spoke, one woman sang, and although we hadn't collaborated on a theme or what anyone was talking or singing about, God orchestrated and led each of us in a way that blended it all together quite beautifully. I was often moved to tears as I observed His hand in it all.

The first speaker, Dr. Kenya Ayres, shared a powerful message of authenticity, challenging us to "clean house" and get rid of the things we're holding onto (both physically and emotionally) that keep us bound in the past, maybe in our wounds, and keep us from moving on in the next step of the journey God has for us.

I spoke after lunch on "The Path to Freedom", acknowledging the natural ways we become hardened in a world that is hard on us. But Jesus calls us to something better, to having a soft heart in a hard world. I used biblical and personal examples, exhorting them to take their weariness and burdens to God daily and let him "ease and relieve and refresh our souls" (Matt. 11.28, AMP).

When the conf was over, as I was walking out of the sanctuary, I noticed two women who weren't there during the morning. One stopped me to thank me for what I had shared, saying that it was exactly what she needed to hear that day. She went on to say that her friend was right then getting my contact info from someone else b/c they want me to come talk at their church. She said I was "gifted, but just be confident." (Yes, not fully confident about the speaking thing yet, but God is growing me much!) When I mentioned not seeing her in the morning, she said she had just heard about the conf that morning, so she called her friend and they got ready and came from Inkster, just to be there for a couple hours in the afternoon.

I had so many people praying (thank you so much if you were one of them!!!). It mattered SOOOOO much!!! God kept me so peaceful through the whole event. He spoke through me, and He spoke to me. After the event, I went to a quiet place to think, pray and process what had occurred. The woman's comment about me being gifted in speaking resonated with me. There's much ambivalence in that thought. God gives me so much insight into things, ideas, His Word, life...that I want to share what He shows me. I've been given wonderful opportunities to do that through writing. But for some time now I've sensed a vocal message moving forward. In some ways that's exciting, and in many ways it freaks me out. Mostly, I want to move forward as He leads...and where He leads will be the perfect place.

I was at the park (of course) last week, pondering the idea that we tend to hide things in the dark where no one will see what would, we believe, feel shameful in the light. The song Marvelous Light was battling in my mind...it did not make sense.

"Into marvelous light I'm running
Out of darkness, out of shame"

...but, I was thinking, it's coming out of the darkness that would intensify the shame. And actually it can intensify the shame when it's brought out into the relatively dim light of the world.

Today at the park, in a huge tree there was one branch that appeared white against the backdrop of dark branches and lush green leaves. The branch was dead...appearing shameful in the light of the world with the overcast sky. There were no beams of light shining down on it. I just thought, in the night, in the darkness, it looks the same as all the other branches...no shame. However, had the sun shown through and beams of light shown down on it, it would have been a different sight.

Whatever is in the light is more noticeable,
yet the rays of the light itself provide beauty

...but also draw forth a new beauty that can only be seen when combined with the light...much like a rainbow.

I noticed the grass in the shade. I could see it, just existing by the light of the world. But as I looked over to where the morning sun's rays were illuminating the grass, the landscape sparkled with color and vitality and life...brightly exposed, yet every flaw and imperfection unnoticed by the beauty brought by the light.

The rain of shame that's drawn into or exposed by the light provides a "host" or catalyst for the light to shine through creating something new of awe and beauty.

My 60-second Backyard Airport

This morning a little bird--not sure what kind it actually is--was pecking at the wood siding on my house and woke me up. I tried opening the window and tapping on the screen to scare it away, but to no avail. So I finally got dressed (intending to go outside to scare it away), but by then the tapping was gone. I stood by my bed looking out the window and waiting to hear it again, but what happened next was a wild sight.

Within about 30 seconds, my backyard had become an airport landing strip for everything in the area flying below 500 feet. Several arriving flights every second. By the end of the 30 seconds, I could see as much black on the ground as I could green in the grass. Then for the next 30 seconds, it was all departing flights...several every second. And my backyard was, just as quickly, completely green again.

Now, you're probably waiting for my typical spiritual application here. Ha! Well, I could, but my mind is at rest...and I don't want to wake it up...it doesn't rest like this very often. So for now, I will rest in the beauty, the fascination and the mystery of God and the flight of His creation.

Jesus Makes Lemonade

I've been having some trouble with my van battery dying overnight occasionally, but only twice before this past Sunday. On Sunday morning, though, Dave had gone to church early to lead music, so ten minutes before the service started, I packed the kids in the van and turned the key. Nothing happened...it was totally dead, again.

I told the kids, "Sorry, kids, we're not going to church. The van is dead, and by the time we get it charged, church will be over." So I got the battery charger out of the tool chest and gathered the kids around. I thought this would be a great opportunity to teach them something about auto mechanics. First I coached Adam in opening the hood. Then I showed them how to safely connect the cables to the battery and then plug it in. We watched the needle on the guage rise just a bit to indicate it was beginning to charge.

Then we came in the house and listened to a children's Bible teaching on CD, discussed it and then read the book of Philemon in our Bibles. Eventually, we all went back out to the garage and I gave each of them a job in disconnecting the charger, putting it away, closing the hood and starting the van. It started.

I thought later about this story and was pleased that I had found the opportunity for good that was in a potentially frustrating situation. Actually, I was very excited. I have spent so much of my life being frustrated about the things that didn't work out how I wanted, and here I was taking the lemons that I was getting in life, and I was making lemonade...seeing how they can be used for good.

Then it occurred to me, that's what Jesus does. When He lets us know through Paul in Romans 8.28 that He will cause "everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them", He is letting us know that when something sours our lives from the lemons that are pouring in, He will make lemonade...He will make something refreshing and good.

Hannah's Relief

I was reading this morning about Hannah at the beginning of the book of 1 Samuel. For the past two years, God has consistently pursued me with a "Come to Me" message. He's taught me much using Matthew 11.28 (AMP),

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]"

If we go to God with our stuff, all that stuff that makes us feel weary and overburdened, and we leave it with Him, then our souls should be eased, relieved and refreshed. If I walk away from that time with God and the result is not ease and relief and refreshment, then I've either not left all my burdens with him or there's something I've taken back.

I was reading this morning about Hannah at the beginning of the book of 1 Samuel. I was struck by the way she lived out, in Old Testament times, this New Testament verse. God is still God in both places.

Hannah's husband, Elkanah, had another wife as well. The other wife had children, but Hannah was barren. The other wife "made fun of Hannah because the Lord had closed her womb. Year after year it was the same--[the other wife] would taunt Hannah as they went to the Tabernacle. Hannah would finally be reduced to tears and would not even eat" (1 Sam. 1.6-7, NLT).

While in the Tabernacle, Hannah prayed to the Lord. 1 Sam. 1.10, 12-18 says:

"Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord."

"As she was praying to the Lord, Eli [the priest] watched her. Seeing her lips moving but hearing no sound, he thought she had been drinking. 'Must you come here drunk?' he demanded. 'Throw away your wine!'
"'Oh no, sir!' she replied, 'I'm not drunk! But I am very sad, and I was pouring out my heart to the Lord. Please don't think I am a wicked woman! For I have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow.'
"'In that case,' Eli said, 'cheer up! May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked of him.'
"'Oh, thank you, sir!' she exclaimed. Then she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad."

Aside from the interesting encounter with the priest, I was thrilled to see Hannah's example of Matthew 11.28. She was weary and overburdened, having been mocked and harshly treated by her husband's other wife. So Hannah, saddened and unable to even eat, took her weariness and burdens to God...and left them with Him. After she poured it all out to Him, she left the burdens with God and was eased and relieved and refreshed as "she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad." What is most interesting is that nothing in her circumstances had changed at that point. She was still barren and probably saw no change in the other wife's mocking.

Verse 19a goes on to say that "The entire family got up early the next morning and went to worship the Lord once more. Then they returned home to Ramah."

Hannah continued to worship God regardless of her circumstances.

And verses 19b-20 say, "When Elkanah slept with Hannah, the Lord remembered her request, and in due time she gave birth to a son."

God does take care of us. We must leave our burdens with Him and trust Him with the outcome.

What happens when you blow it?

Last night, in our first meeting with our new couples group, we began a video study using "If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat." The first chapter dealt with fear of failure and our interpretation of failure. Ha! Could I relate, or what?!? (Normally, I would hide in fear and shame regarding my "failure", but God is growing me even now....)

Last week I had a perfect "failure" story, so I shared my story at our couples group. I had been in a practice session for a training course I've been doing. It was my turn to facilitate, and without going into all the detail here, after struggling through the first few minutes, I just blew it. I turned to our leader in "defeat" to quietly utter the words that have seldom ever come from my mouth: "I can't do this." As soon as I said it, the thoughts that filled my head were, "You are a failure. You are such a failure."

But recognizing that not all my thoughts are my own, I didn't entirely succomb to defeat. But rather, as we processed through what happened, I became encouraged by the words of each of the six others in the room...by their support, their helpful thoughts, and their encouragement that I had accomplished the beginning, and now I can just move on from there.

Afterward, I went home, and when my husband asked how my night was, all I could say in that moment was, "It was what it needed to be." I knew even then that God was doing something to transform me...and He was using this (and was going to use this) for good...much good.

My story encouraged the others in our couples group to rethink their own definitions of failure.

This morning, God was revealing to me that I needed to blow it last week. More than succeeding, I needed to experience the love and acceptance that would be poured out on me...even when I blew it, when I was grossly imperfect and failed by human standards. The response I received was healing and beautiful. And I certainly don't feel 'quite' as much pressure now to do it perfectly. I may still be quite lacking even next time, but I suppose I don't have to accomplish a whole lot to show improvement. :)

Anyway, it was what it needed to be.

Each of the others in the room last week was a tool that God used beautifully to bring a bit more healing into my life.

Detox for Intimacy with God

I went to the park this morning to be with God (undistracted, alone and quiet)...something I've neglected for the most part this summer. I got absorbed into the routine of having the kids home for the summer and didn't prioritize regular, quality time with God. I would say that this summer I experienced God, for the most part, as an acquaintance...lacking depth and intimacy. And because of it, I was recognizing hungers developing in me...not necessarily for Him, but because I need Him.

Beth Moore has said, "3 months outside the Word is roughly 2 1/2 months inside a pit." I get that. For me personally, I need an ongoing dialogue with God to stay out of the pit. Although I certainly didn't completely forsake time with Him this summer, it was seldom intimate time. It was more like the kind of relationship you develop when you run into your neighbor each week at the grocery store. It lacks depth, so although I wasn't inside that pit, sometimes I was holding on for dear life at the top edge while my feet dangled over the edge and against the wall of the pit. Not the most enjoyable place to be.

So this morning, knowing I needed to re-connect with Him, I wanted it quickly, just like much of the rest of my life tends to be...getting things accomplished as quickly as possible. But...
GOD IS NOT GOD ON OUR TERMS!
God becomes just another god when we come to Him on our terms.

I couldn't just grab a quick fix like I would at the McDonald's drive-thru. He wants my heart so that He can give me His...so that He can be all that I need.

I recognized my need for DETOX time from all the burdens, trials, concerns, accusations, struggles, etc. that had been building or been heaped on me all summer. I could see that in order to connect well with Him, I needed to DETOX:

• Deliberate - sit quietly in His presence
• Explore what's on your mind and in your heart (needs, burdens, joys, weariness, ...)
• Tell Him about each thing that comes to mind
• Overrule the burdens by leaving them in His presence (Matthew 11.28)
• eXpress to Him your gratitude for taking on your burdens (Philippians 4.6)

When I give up my weariness for Him to carry, then I'll finally be able to start hearing Him again and it will build deeper intimacy in our relationship.

So now as I'm detoxing and feeling so much freer, I sense a renewed life coming on. It's wonderful. I highly recommend this detox program!!

:)

Clash of Hope comes to LifeCare

I'm wrapping up our current LifeCare group (Healing Tears) over these next couple weeks (but don't worry, it will be back). On Sept. 18th, however, I will begin a new group using my book Clash of Hope*. Having never led a group using this book before, I'm very excited to finally go through it with a group of women. Clash of Hope approaches the issue of relational conflict and pursues God's perspective on the issue. Writing the book was very rewarding...and now I get to process through it with some others...studying some biblical examples (both good and bad) and situations of conflict, sharing some of my own stories of course, digging into our own "stuff", exploring our feelings and beliefs about conflict, allowing conflict to "work for us", etc. One of my favorite parts of the book, however, is the part where we disect the armor of God and determine what each part is, how it functions and how to use it as God intended. If you'd like to join me on this 3 month journey, feel free to reply on this blog, or email me if you have my email address.

I hope you'll join me as we see how conflict can have hope and even move us toward peace and the realization that "you have been given fullness in Christ" (Colossians 2.10).


*To order a copy of Clash of Hope, go to www.carepointministry.com/conflict.html

Joy in the Inner Dungeon

I heard a teaching recently on Acts 16 regarding how Paul and Silas knew what God was calling them to...they knew their mission. Within their mission, they were stripped, beaten almost to death, thrown in the inner dungeon of a prison and put in stocks. It was because they knew their mission that they had an increased ability to endure suffering.

Good things for us to think about.

As I was applying this to my own life, I was struck by what Paul understood about his mission and what he was enduring. Maybe he had his own idea of what his mission would look like when he 'knew' (according to these verses) that God was calling him to Macedonia. Just like I have my own ideas of what my mission looks like in various areas...such as, with CarePoint, and with LifeCare.

But it appeared that Paul's mission was obstructed by all that he was suffering...being dragged away, stripped, severely beaten with wooden rods, put in the inner dungeon in stocks (16.18-25). Still, around midnight he and Silas were heard praying and singing and the other prisoners were listening. Paul seemed to completely trust God's mission for him, wherever it led him. He probably didn't know it at the time, but how else was the jailer and his entire household going to be saved??? God brought amazing redemption from the suffering.

It "appears" that some struggles in my life are obstructing my mission...but what is God doing? I have to trust that He's going to bring amazing redemption through what seems to be an obstruction to the mission...where it is more likely the more precise mission God has me on.... But there seemed to be a key aspect for Paul...and for me...Paul didn't know exactly where his mission would lead him, but he continued to rejoice, trusting that God would accomplish His mission through Paul and his joy and trust. That's what I want in my own mission. I easily forget the rejoicing part, but God can accomplish His mission right where I am...obstacles and all.

I have some questions for both of us...
What is going on in your life that seems to be obstructing what you perceive as your mission?
What is your response to that perceived obstruction?

In Paul's example, he prayed and sang hymns...something that, in those circumstances, arises out of trust in God's plan. That is not the natural response to suffering. Yet Paul responded with joy and trust.

Will I trust and choose joy in what seems like an obstruction but quite possibly may be a powerful tool that God will use to accomplish His mission?

God's Will from Swaziland

My friend, Patti (left), recently returned from a mission trip to Swaziland, Africa. We talked for hours about the impact of the trip on her life, and it spoke to me personally in many ways. I think the words that had the biggest impact on me were: "You ARE God's will." There may be times to seek God's will, but with Him living inside me, I AM GOD'S WILL.

I am His hands, His feet, His voice. The question becomes, How can I be the representation of Jesus right where I am? ...in my house? ...with my family or roommates? ...in my church? ...in my neighborhood?

How is He choosing to use my hands in this moment?
Where is He choosing to go in this moment?
What are the words that He is choosing to speak through my mouth in this moment?
I AM GOD'S WILL, because He lives in me.

Most specifically, I'm hearing Him speak to me:
"Be MY voice. They need me."

I'm recognizing that this is how I can have confidence. I have nothing to fear in speaking to others, because I open my mouth to be His voice. There is nothing to fear in embracing the wounded, because we are reaching out with His arms rather than our own. We, as His followers, ARE His will.

Jesus' authority questioned in the temple

I read Luke 20:1-2 recently: "One day as he was teaching the people in the temple courts and preaching the gospel, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, together with the elders, came up to him. 'Tell us by what authority you are doing these things,' they said. 'Who gave you this authority?'"

What struck me about this was that Jesus was in the temple when his authority was questioned. Today, WE are His temple. Our hearts were immediately transformed when Jesus entered in (Ezekiel 36.26), but our minds are in a process of transformation (Romans 12.2). Our minds still contain impurity and lies that have yet to be transformed (as we make choices to renew our minds), so we still have "Pharisees" in our minds that continue to question the authority of Jesus. As a result, we can end up confused, misguided and/or despairing. I'm challenged to claim the authority of Jesus in THIS temple.