Reflections of Wayne

It's so fitting that today, May 26th, is Memorial Day. Although he wasn't a veteran, May 26th is my brother's birthday, and he would have been 44 today. He died at age 40...3 years and 3 months ago after a 3 month intense struggle with cancer took its toll. Although those few final months are vivid in my memory in both painful and beautiful ways, my memory takes me back to one particular day just a few months before his illness evidenced itself. My dad and I were shooting at some targets at Wayne's house. Eventually Wayne came out to join us, holster and all, looking like a big kid playing John Wayne in some old western movie. My heart still laughs to think of the sight of him that day.

So, I'm just remembering....

Expectations

I feel like I've been away for so long...you probably feel the same since it's been several weeks since I've written anything new. I have been consumed with editing for a new phase of workbooks coming out this summer...sometime in July I suspect. This phase of editing is winding down nicely and we will have three new workbooks to offer on the topics of:
Spiritual Insecurity
Widows' Grief
Childhood Abuse

These are all beautifully written with compassion and hope and vision for the future.

On another note, I was just reviewing some teaching notes from some recent church services and I came across some intriguing notes on Expectations...and how Jesus failed to meet people's expectations.
-Judas wanted financial resolution
-the people honored Jesus with palm branches, but within a week, they yelled, "Crucify him!"
They possibly expected him to free them from Roman rule, and they were disappointed.

Do we have an expectation of what Jesus will do if we follow Him?
He calls us to die..."If you lose your life, you will find it."

As we draw close to Him, we'll pray less for our circumstances to change and more for our own hearts to change.

(Notes based on the teaching of Pastor Peter Rufener, Saline Community Church, 3/16/08.)

Lessons from Pooh bear

I just read this quote from A. A. Milne:

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh,” he whispered.
“Yes, Piglet?”
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw, “I just wanted to be sure of you.”
--A. A. Milne

Sometimes we don't need conversation or gifts or eloquent words or creative acts of service.... Sometimes, we just need to know our friend is still there.

Essentials for a church

I was putting my daughter, Allison, age 9, to bed tonight when she informed me of what she thought the most important things were for a church to have. Here's her list.

The Most Important Things For A Church To Have:

1. some sort of Bread product ...because the Bible says "Give us this day our daily bread."
2. A Pastor
3. Disciplers
4. Good Teaching/Teachers
5. Bibles
6. A Cross ...because that's what Jesus died on to save us.

Shopping on an empty spirit

In the mornings, I typically get my kids to school and then I eat breakfast and spent time with God after I get back home. That's a typical morning. Today was not a typical morning. As I was driving home from dropping the kids off, I was privileged to be the first vehicle to be blocked from continuing down the road to get home. There had been an accident where a car had gone off the road. Just as I approached, an ambulance, two fire trucks and a police car pulled up to block the entire road. I decided to backtrack and circle around to get home. Well, that took me right past Sam's Club, and I knew that I needed a few things for lunches, so I decided to take advantage of the convenience and go in.

It's very quiet in Sam's Club at 8 am, and most people are refreshed as they start their day. Many of the workers greeted me as I pushed my cart through the store, and I greeted them back. I was starting to feel the effects of not having eaten yet and was lacking a bit of momentum. One friendly worker said "Good morning" to me and asked how I was doing. I said I was good and asked how she was. She replied, "So far so good." Now all that was just fine, so for the life of me I don't know where my next comment came from. I commented, "Well, it's still early."

I walked away, asking myself, "What was that???????" for the next 5 minutes! The only thing I could come up with was that I was shopping on an empty spirit. I had not come with a refreshed, filled spirit, but I was running on fumes from the day before. The day before was a good day, but I need to be filled daily (often constantly) in order to overflow the fruit of the spirit.

So I came home, got my Life (cereal) and got my life filled with Him. :)

An Intent Look

I've been crazy-busy with lining up authors for this years' CarePoint releases. We expect to have at least 4 workbooks this summer and at least 4 more in December. Can people really write that fast??? We'll see. But rest assured, if it's not quality stuff, you won't see it.

As a sneak preview, here are a few of the topics we expect to have this year:

• Spiritual Insecurity
• Hope for Widows
• Infertility
• Post-partum Depression
• Fear
• and something along the lines of intimacy hunger / hunger for nurturing... (I will be co-authoring [to be announced later :) ] this one and we still have to nail down the details)

I'm so excited about all that's developing with CarePoint right now. But one thing that God has been speaking to me this past week is from Matthew 19.26. As Jesus was talking with His disciples, KJV says, "Jesus beheld them". A word study revealed the original meaning behind "beheld" in this verse (from the Greek "emblepo") meaning "earnest looking".

And "earnest" refers to being "active or diligent". I love the New Living Translation of this verse:

"Jesus looked at them intently."

When has someone looked at you "intently"? I know when I look at someone actively, earnestly or intently, it's because there's care, purpose, direction and deep connection. That's how Jesus looks at his followers...at me...and you if you follow Him.

I want to return the look and capture His gaze. I don't want to miss it.

The Best Christmas Tree

I realize it's a bit late for Christmas, but I just wanted to share my favorite Christmas tree picture...taken by my friend Maureen, with my friends Monika and Patti. :)

Like a Child

Jesus' disciples were arguing. First, I find it comforting that the people He chose to be closest to Himself were clearly imperfect and had issues. I can relate...and could fit in there.

Their argument in Matthew 18 was about which of the disciples was the greatest. Have you noticed any friends of yours that do that too? Have you had that competitive edge yourself? I do at times. As I thought about where that comes from, I thought there must be a sense of insignificance that drives us to compete in this way. Somehow, we must not be fully accepting and resting in the significance given to us by the God of the universe, our own Creator.

Jesus' response to the disciples' argument was to bring a child to stand in front of them, stating, (as Beth Moore puts it) "You want to see my idea of greatness? Take a look at this child."

Now I'm wondering, what was it about a child that made him/her great? Some possibilities I thought of were:

• unquestioning faith
• uninhibited intimacy
• authenticity...they're real...they haven't learned to feel one way and act another (and be passive/aggressive or wear a mask...)
• confidence in another's love (they don't need to compete for love; they trust it)
• A TENDER HEART

I was most struck by the last one. I think it's a tender heart that allows all the other things.

What would you add to this list? I'm curious to hear some replies.

Peace, Not War

Last night, the Lord brought to mind the hymn "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" as I re-read my last blog and the verse at the end. He was allowing me to see that I had been fighting hard against the enemy, and yet He wanted to bring me peace. There are times when we need to fight...and fight hard...and there are other times when we think we have to fight, but we really don't because He's already won. He was reminding me that this particular time was "a time to wage peace, not war" and to rest in the victory that He's already gained.

I was enjoying some peaceful worship time this morning as I joined Chris Tomlin in a chorus of "How can I keep from singing". It spoke to me in many ways today, but everytime I hear it, one particular line melts my heart: "I am loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing." And not only that, but I am (and you are too) loved by Him so much that He sings over you and me.

Zephaniah 3:17 (NKJV)
"The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."

January 12th Birthdays

Today, January 12th, I'm celebrating the birthday of two people in my life: my friend Monika and my friend Candi. Both of these women have impacted my life deeply with their faith, hope and love.

Today, I'm also being impacted by a different type of birth. God let me know many, many months ago that I was to write a workbook on the topic of FEAR. I wasn't sure why at the time...and I really didn't feel qualified, although I knew people I could consult, so I was agreeable to the task. Since then, God has revealed some truth to me about my own life...that fear exists in it. I think it's interesting that we can live in such a state of self-unawareness! So I rolled with the increasing insight into my own life, and I've been working through my fear-related issues and taking a lot of notes (for my own remembrance AND for the book), and I believe I've been learning and growing much in this area.

Yesterday, however, I told God that I was ready to be done with this issue. That I really didn't want to write this book. And that I'm okay to...to just...not grow in this area anymore...that I've grown quite a bit...and it's all good, but I can be done now. :) I reemphasized to Him that I really didn't want to write the book!

I don't think God and I were necessarily on the same page....

Earlier today, I was listening to a dvd from Dan Allender's conference. Dan talked about Abraham [known as Abram at the time] being called by God out of the comfortable and affluent society (Ur) in which he lived, and into an unspecified other place. According to Halley's Bible Handbook, "Just preceding the time of Abraham, it was the most magnificent city in all the world" (88). And then during Abraham's time, it remained an important city alongside Babylon. By societal standards, Ur was definitely the place to be!

But, as is often the case, God had a different plan and a differing idea of "the place to be". In Genesis 12.1, "The Lord had said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you.'" I'm guessing my response would have been something like, "But I am comfortable and secure right where I am. I already know there's nothing better on all the earth." But Abraham, being the [albeit flawed...just as I am] father of faith, left his comfort and security to just...go...not even knowing where he was going.

I was struck with this idea of leaving comfort and security and going wherever God leads, not yet knowing where that is. It hit home as we have just recently become convinced that it is time to leave our current church and continue on a journey. I'm stunned at how much insecurity gets stirred up in me with not knowing where I/we will end up.

God had revealed fears in me that I didn't know existed. And now I was ready to be done with the revelation and teaching...figuring He had taught me enough. Ha! He's committed to me, for better or worse. And He has reminded me that He is committed to seeing me through my fears, including the fear of writing this workbook ...on Fear.

So His reminder is like a new birth for me. It's a recommitment to the journey He has for me.

Lamentations 3:22-24 says,
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"

I will wait for Him...because His compassions are new every morning, and He is faithful. He provides each day as a new birthday.

Hope

I was just glancing at Matthew 21...Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem.
The people were celebrating...anticipating that this was their time for
deliverance. Those filled with hope had no idea that their hope was about
to be crushed literally to death. As I linger in that moment...those two or
three days where the hope was crushed and there is much confusion and
uncertainty and maybe even a sense of hopelessness for some, there's
heaviness...grieving...a passionate desire for things to be different. Then
suddenly death is transformed into life that has more depth and meaning and
hope than it could have ever contained before.

Recently, I've felt like I've been in those two or three days...in various ways. In one situation...where there had once been celebration, I feel death; in another...where I
was experiencing (and seeing) so much connection (and transformation) with
people, now the circumstances have changed...more grieving.
I'm anticipating and I sense (and I hope I sense correctly) that this death
that I feel will suddenly be "transformed into life that has more depth and
meaning and hope than it could have ever contained before."

We must hold onto that hope. Ours is a God who brings life out of death!

Discipleship and "the prize"

I was reading "the faith chapter" in Hebrews 11 a little while ago...and intrigued by the last verses 39-40. The version I'm reading, NLT says,

"All of these people we have mentioned received God's approval because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised. For God had far better things in mind for us that would also benefit them, for they can't receive the prize at the end of the race until we finish the race."

Whew. My first inclination was to skim over this quickly because it was hard to follow all the "we", "us", "they" and "them" statements. But I thought again and decided to try to understand it.

Look at two other versions with me:

The Message Bible says,
"Not one of these people, even though their lives of faith were exemplary, got their hands on what was promised. God had a better plan for us: that their faith and our faith would come together to make one completed whole, their lives of faith not complete apart from ours."

And Amplified says,
"And all of these, though they won divine approval by [means of] their faith, did not receive the fulfillment of what was promised,
Because God had us in mind and had something better and greater in view for us, so that they [these heroes and heroines of faith] should not come to perfection apart from us [before we could join them]."

The point of unity becomes so clear in these verses...we need each other, both here on earth and in the heavenly realm, in order to be complete and perfected as God intended. We cannot be loners in our faith. Rather, we will be completing and perfecting our own lives (now and eternally) when we seek to speak LIFE into others and build BEAUTY into the lives of others. Then, together, being a TEAM, we will receive THE PRIZE for which we have long awaited.

The completion of our reward doesn't end with us. When we die, it is not the end of the ramifications of our lives...including our rewards. Our eternal rewards will have much to do with the effectiveness of our discipleship...how well we have overflowed God's Spirit into the lives of those around us.

For more on effective discipleship, read Glenn McDonald's book, "The Disciple Making Church". I read it this summer and it was excellent!

Groanings...the language of God

Surrounding us this time of year we hear "Joy to the world", "Jingle Bells", "It's the most wonderful time of the year", and other cheerful songs of the season, but Christmas isn't always a happy time.

Just two days ago, I watched an 83 year old man kiss the love of his life good-bye as he saw her for the first time in her new surroundings...a beautifully carved wooden box they picked out years earlier. Holding onto 65 years of precious memories, yet unable to stand or even speak, his weeping and groaning filled the room. No one in the room could comprehend the loss he was experiencing, and although we stood witness to a deep, deep pain, no one could adequately interpret his groanings.

Romans 8:25-26 says, "But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words".

I find this verse comforting; God's Spirit speaks with groanings that have meaning far beyond what can be expressed with mere words. God's Spirit perfectly understood that man's loss and pain...providing undefiled, perfected communication with God. And God certainly hears. Acts 7:34 says, "I have heard their groaning and have come down to set them free."

Soon after Jesus' birth, He was sought to be killed by the king. I'm sure God heard groanings of despair from Mary and Joseph. God sent an angel to direct Mary and Joseph, along with Jesus, to a place of preservation and protection.

We have a God who hears our groanings as we live in a world filled with disappointment and pain. As He hears our groanings, and interprets them perfectly, He comes to set us free.

Guilt Free

I was reading in Isaiah 6. At the time that God called Isaiah into ministry, Isaiah says "I saw the Lord...." He goes on to explain what all he saw, and in it all, he was overwhelmed by the HOLINESS of God. In fact, he was so overwhelmed by God's holiness that he immediately felt exposed in his impurity saying, "'Woe to me!' I cried. 'I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips....'"

Just then a seraph (possibly an angel-like being) touched his lips with a hot coal saying, "'See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.'"

After that, the Lord says He needs someone, and Isaiah responds, "'Here am I. Send me!'" No feelings of shame for the impurity that existed in him before God cleansed him. And no sense of inadequacy for being used by God. I think he just knew he was clean and ready to go where God wanted to lead him.

What I'm most moved by is the idea of the hot coal. As believers today, we have Christ's atonement for our sin, and we have been purified through His death and resurrection. I see the coal as being the equivalent of Jesus' blood dripping down the cross. He calls us to drink His blood (i.e., wine as a symbol of His blood), which touches our lips and infiltrates our entire body, symbolizing the same cleansing of our entire being just as the coal cleansed Isaiah's unclean lips.

If we have accepted the atonement, we are guilt free! And we can stand purified, and move in freedom, and be ready for Him...whatever He has for us.

"The Most Important Thing"

The other day my daughter, Allison, got an award for her thoughtfulness at school. Her teacher had noticed that many days during recess, Allison would walk around picking up trash. Wanting to acknowledge her efforts, her teacher announced her award to the entire school at their morning assembly.

A few days later, Allison and I were beginning a project of making pillows for her school's Marketing Day. Referring to being able to offer the pillows for sale to the other students, the conversation went like this:

Allison: Maybe other kids will like me now.

Me: The other kids don't like you??

Allison: That's what got me into picking up trash at recess.

Me: Well, they don't know what they're missing by not being your friend.

Allison: Well, it's okay. I have lots of other friends at home. Besides, the most important thing is knowing God loves you.


Oh, that our hearts would be able to acknowledge loss and desire and yet be so content...having the faith of a child.