These two words, inadequacy and leadership, don't seem to go together. I'm quite certain that if I were to go to monster.com seeking employment and pursue jobs for which I am inadequate, I would very likely find NO ONE to hire me. There is so much here that I could talk about relating to how Jesus dealt with this scenario, but for now I want to focus on something that God has shown me this past week.
I experienced a few days where I received criticism (some very harsh and rude) from at least five different people, all on different issues. Combined with some other situations such as having my kids home for summer break (and my routine completely thrown off), struggling to find adequate time with God, and facing my own self-criticism (with parenting, work, friendship, etc.), I spiraled quickly into some hours (fortunately not days or longer) of despair.
Recognizing my desperation and that God was the only one who could rescue me, I escaped to my garage and sat in my van in complete darkness at midnight. For an hour and a half I pursued God about what was stirring in me and where the feelings of despair were coming from. I pursued His perspective.
What I heard was that He has given me life and brought me to this place in life for a purpose, for His glory. I have a certain, unwritten, standard for myself by which I measure my own success. Others may use a similar standard to measure my success or adequacy as well. But He reminded me that my standard of success does not determine His glory or the accomplishment of His purpose. And my failure or inadequacy never limits His ability to receive glory. Quite the contrary, as I seek Him in my weakness and inadequacy and desperation, He's the one that provides the power and sufficiency, and is glorified...He becomes the hero.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12.9-11).
Today, I got a missions support letter from my friend Kathy, who has been in missions leadership for 15 years. She said, "I am not necessarily a 'leader' in the eyes of the world, yet God has given me a heart to serve; a heart to help people grow in their relationship with God. ...it's caring for people day in and day out."
At the end of the letter, she concluded:
"As I seek God for wisdom and strength to care for others, I am also reminded of the example of the Good Shepherd...'He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; He gently leads those that have young' (Is. 40:11). Please pray for me as I learn how to gather, carry and lead."
Many of us are not born leaders. Yet God calls us to pursue others...and many of us in various forms of shepherding. We may not feel equipped to handle leadership responsibilities, yet He has promised to be our strength in our weakness. Isaiah 40 is such a great reminder of what a shepherd is and does! I'm challenged to get on my knees, recognizing my inadequacy, and then to tend to those in my care, to gather them together, bringing unity to our relationships, being intimately connected with their hearts, and gently guiding them in their own leadership.
So I echo Kathy's words: "Please pray for me as I learn to gather, carry and lead."
