Seeking Relief in the Right Place

I was reading Dr. Kenya Ayers' blog this morning. She had an entry highlighted at her radio program website (http://www.relationshipsolutionsonline.com)...
July 29, 2008
When you Least Expect Him…

This was a timely message for me. She had gone to Cedar Point for a little retreat from life, and heard God speaking to her on one of the rides...

“This (meaning the Matterhorn ride) is what your life is like right now. It’s spinning wildly, you feel that you’ve lost control and you’re holding on for dear life. But it’s ok. Just like this ride will soon come to an end, so will this season in your life. Just hang on a little while longer and you’ll be fine.”

He's saying this to me now. I've been wrestling with stuff (in many different ways and with several different things) the last several days...and drawn to various ways to find 'relief' and comfort. We all have our ways...whether it's food, relationships, sleep, video games, etc. Life can feel a bit overwhelming at times, and I just want to find comfort and be rescued!!

As I was spending time with God about this yesterday morning, I think I opened my Bible and then fell asleep. When I woke up a few minutes later, my Bible was open to Ps. 69. Over and over, and all around that Psalm, David was pouring his heart out and pleading with God to save him, to come to him, to rescue him, to help him, to answer him, to pull him out of the mud, to take care of him, .... I had been feeling a bit guilty for wanting to be rescued and comforted (in my own ways), but God was speaking to me that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be rescued and comforted...and David knew (at least at this point) the healthy place to turn for relief and comfort. God wants us to turn to Him to be our comfort and rescuer. Nothing else will be sufficient. His comfort may not exist in our timing, but it will come at the right time...and He will do what's good and best for us.

Women of Grace conference

This past Saturday I had a small part in speaking at a Women of Grace (not to be confused with Women of Faith!...ha! ...maybe someday) conference. It was wonderful; a group of about 30 women (and one man...my friend, Pastor Tony, sat in on part of it). God was so intricately involved in it. Did I say it was wonderful? Hmmm.

Three of us spoke, one woman sang, and although we hadn't collaborated on a theme or what anyone was talking or singing about, God orchestrated and led each of us in a way that blended it all together quite beautifully. I was often moved to tears as I observed His hand in it all.

The first speaker, Dr. Kenya Ayres, shared a powerful message of authenticity, challenging us to "clean house" and get rid of the things we're holding onto (both physically and emotionally) that keep us bound in the past, maybe in our wounds, and keep us from moving on in the next step of the journey God has for us.

I spoke after lunch on "The Path to Freedom", acknowledging the natural ways we become hardened in a world that is hard on us. But Jesus calls us to something better, to having a soft heart in a hard world. I used biblical and personal examples, exhorting them to take their weariness and burdens to God daily and let him "ease and relieve and refresh our souls" (Matt. 11.28, AMP).

When the conf was over, as I was walking out of the sanctuary, I noticed two women who weren't there during the morning. One stopped me to thank me for what I had shared, saying that it was exactly what she needed to hear that day. She went on to say that her friend was right then getting my contact info from someone else b/c they want me to come talk at their church. She said I was "gifted, but just be confident." (Yes, not fully confident about the speaking thing yet, but God is growing me much!) When I mentioned not seeing her in the morning, she said she had just heard about the conf that morning, so she called her friend and they got ready and came from Inkster, just to be there for a couple hours in the afternoon.

I had so many people praying (thank you so much if you were one of them!!!). It mattered SOOOOO much!!! God kept me so peaceful through the whole event. He spoke through me, and He spoke to me. After the event, I went to a quiet place to think, pray and process what had occurred. The woman's comment about me being gifted in speaking resonated with me. There's much ambivalence in that thought. God gives me so much insight into things, ideas, His Word, life...that I want to share what He shows me. I've been given wonderful opportunities to do that through writing. But for some time now I've sensed a vocal message moving forward. In some ways that's exciting, and in many ways it freaks me out. Mostly, I want to move forward as He leads...and where He leads will be the perfect place.

I was at the park (of course) last week, pondering the idea that we tend to hide things in the dark where no one will see what would, we believe, feel shameful in the light. The song Marvelous Light was battling in my mind...it did not make sense.

"Into marvelous light I'm running
Out of darkness, out of shame"

...but, I was thinking, it's coming out of the darkness that would intensify the shame. And actually it can intensify the shame when it's brought out into the relatively dim light of the world.

Today at the park, in a huge tree there was one branch that appeared white against the backdrop of dark branches and lush green leaves. The branch was dead...appearing shameful in the light of the world with the overcast sky. There were no beams of light shining down on it. I just thought, in the night, in the darkness, it looks the same as all the other branches...no shame. However, had the sun shown through and beams of light shown down on it, it would have been a different sight.

Whatever is in the light is more noticeable,
yet the rays of the light itself provide beauty

...but also draw forth a new beauty that can only be seen when combined with the light...much like a rainbow.

I noticed the grass in the shade. I could see it, just existing by the light of the world. But as I looked over to where the morning sun's rays were illuminating the grass, the landscape sparkled with color and vitality and life...brightly exposed, yet every flaw and imperfection unnoticed by the beauty brought by the light.

The rain of shame that's drawn into or exposed by the light provides a "host" or catalyst for the light to shine through creating something new of awe and beauty.

My 60-second Backyard Airport

This morning a little bird--not sure what kind it actually is--was pecking at the wood siding on my house and woke me up. I tried opening the window and tapping on the screen to scare it away, but to no avail. So I finally got dressed (intending to go outside to scare it away), but by then the tapping was gone. I stood by my bed looking out the window and waiting to hear it again, but what happened next was a wild sight.

Within about 30 seconds, my backyard had become an airport landing strip for everything in the area flying below 500 feet. Several arriving flights every second. By the end of the 30 seconds, I could see as much black on the ground as I could green in the grass. Then for the next 30 seconds, it was all departing flights...several every second. And my backyard was, just as quickly, completely green again.

Now, you're probably waiting for my typical spiritual application here. Ha! Well, I could, but my mind is at rest...and I don't want to wake it up...it doesn't rest like this very often. So for now, I will rest in the beauty, the fascination and the mystery of God and the flight of His creation.

Jesus Makes Lemonade

I've been having some trouble with my van battery dying overnight occasionally, but only twice before this past Sunday. On Sunday morning, though, Dave had gone to church early to lead music, so ten minutes before the service started, I packed the kids in the van and turned the key. Nothing happened...it was totally dead, again.

I told the kids, "Sorry, kids, we're not going to church. The van is dead, and by the time we get it charged, church will be over." So I got the battery charger out of the tool chest and gathered the kids around. I thought this would be a great opportunity to teach them something about auto mechanics. First I coached Adam in opening the hood. Then I showed them how to safely connect the cables to the battery and then plug it in. We watched the needle on the guage rise just a bit to indicate it was beginning to charge.

Then we came in the house and listened to a children's Bible teaching on CD, discussed it and then read the book of Philemon in our Bibles. Eventually, we all went back out to the garage and I gave each of them a job in disconnecting the charger, putting it away, closing the hood and starting the van. It started.

I thought later about this story and was pleased that I had found the opportunity for good that was in a potentially frustrating situation. Actually, I was very excited. I have spent so much of my life being frustrated about the things that didn't work out how I wanted, and here I was taking the lemons that I was getting in life, and I was making lemonade...seeing how they can be used for good.

Then it occurred to me, that's what Jesus does. When He lets us know through Paul in Romans 8.28 that He will cause "everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them", He is letting us know that when something sours our lives from the lemons that are pouring in, He will make lemonade...He will make something refreshing and good.

Hannah's Relief

I was reading this morning about Hannah at the beginning of the book of 1 Samuel. For the past two years, God has consistently pursued me with a "Come to Me" message. He's taught me much using Matthew 11.28 (AMP),

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]"

If we go to God with our stuff, all that stuff that makes us feel weary and overburdened, and we leave it with Him, then our souls should be eased, relieved and refreshed. If I walk away from that time with God and the result is not ease and relief and refreshment, then I've either not left all my burdens with him or there's something I've taken back.

I was reading this morning about Hannah at the beginning of the book of 1 Samuel. I was struck by the way she lived out, in Old Testament times, this New Testament verse. God is still God in both places.

Hannah's husband, Elkanah, had another wife as well. The other wife had children, but Hannah was barren. The other wife "made fun of Hannah because the Lord had closed her womb. Year after year it was the same--[the other wife] would taunt Hannah as they went to the Tabernacle. Hannah would finally be reduced to tears and would not even eat" (1 Sam. 1.6-7, NLT).

While in the Tabernacle, Hannah prayed to the Lord. 1 Sam. 1.10, 12-18 says:

"Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord."

"As she was praying to the Lord, Eli [the priest] watched her. Seeing her lips moving but hearing no sound, he thought she had been drinking. 'Must you come here drunk?' he demanded. 'Throw away your wine!'
"'Oh no, sir!' she replied, 'I'm not drunk! But I am very sad, and I was pouring out my heart to the Lord. Please don't think I am a wicked woman! For I have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow.'
"'In that case,' Eli said, 'cheer up! May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked of him.'
"'Oh, thank you, sir!' she exclaimed. Then she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad."

Aside from the interesting encounter with the priest, I was thrilled to see Hannah's example of Matthew 11.28. She was weary and overburdened, having been mocked and harshly treated by her husband's other wife. So Hannah, saddened and unable to even eat, took her weariness and burdens to God...and left them with Him. After she poured it all out to Him, she left the burdens with God and was eased and relieved and refreshed as "she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad." What is most interesting is that nothing in her circumstances had changed at that point. She was still barren and probably saw no change in the other wife's mocking.

Verse 19a goes on to say that "The entire family got up early the next morning and went to worship the Lord once more. Then they returned home to Ramah."

Hannah continued to worship God regardless of her circumstances.

And verses 19b-20 say, "When Elkanah slept with Hannah, the Lord remembered her request, and in due time she gave birth to a son."

God does take care of us. We must leave our burdens with Him and trust Him with the outcome.

What happens when you blow it?

Last night, in our first meeting with our new couples group, we began a video study using "If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat." The first chapter dealt with fear of failure and our interpretation of failure. Ha! Could I relate, or what?!? (Normally, I would hide in fear and shame regarding my "failure", but God is growing me even now....)

Last week I had a perfect "failure" story, so I shared my story at our couples group. I had been in a practice session for a training course I've been doing. It was my turn to facilitate, and without going into all the detail here, after struggling through the first few minutes, I just blew it. I turned to our leader in "defeat" to quietly utter the words that have seldom ever come from my mouth: "I can't do this." As soon as I said it, the thoughts that filled my head were, "You are a failure. You are such a failure."

But recognizing that not all my thoughts are my own, I didn't entirely succomb to defeat. But rather, as we processed through what happened, I became encouraged by the words of each of the six others in the room...by their support, their helpful thoughts, and their encouragement that I had accomplished the beginning, and now I can just move on from there.

Afterward, I went home, and when my husband asked how my night was, all I could say in that moment was, "It was what it needed to be." I knew even then that God was doing something to transform me...and He was using this (and was going to use this) for good...much good.

My story encouraged the others in our couples group to rethink their own definitions of failure.

This morning, God was revealing to me that I needed to blow it last week. More than succeeding, I needed to experience the love and acceptance that would be poured out on me...even when I blew it, when I was grossly imperfect and failed by human standards. The response I received was healing and beautiful. And I certainly don't feel 'quite' as much pressure now to do it perfectly. I may still be quite lacking even next time, but I suppose I don't have to accomplish a whole lot to show improvement. :)

Anyway, it was what it needed to be.

Each of the others in the room last week was a tool that God used beautifully to bring a bit more healing into my life.

Detox for Intimacy with God

I went to the park this morning to be with God (undistracted, alone and quiet)...something I've neglected for the most part this summer. I got absorbed into the routine of having the kids home for the summer and didn't prioritize regular, quality time with God. I would say that this summer I experienced God, for the most part, as an acquaintance...lacking depth and intimacy. And because of it, I was recognizing hungers developing in me...not necessarily for Him, but because I need Him.

Beth Moore has said, "3 months outside the Word is roughly 2 1/2 months inside a pit." I get that. For me personally, I need an ongoing dialogue with God to stay out of the pit. Although I certainly didn't completely forsake time with Him this summer, it was seldom intimate time. It was more like the kind of relationship you develop when you run into your neighbor each week at the grocery store. It lacks depth, so although I wasn't inside that pit, sometimes I was holding on for dear life at the top edge while my feet dangled over the edge and against the wall of the pit. Not the most enjoyable place to be.

So this morning, knowing I needed to re-connect with Him, I wanted it quickly, just like much of the rest of my life tends to be...getting things accomplished as quickly as possible. But...
GOD IS NOT GOD ON OUR TERMS!
God becomes just another god when we come to Him on our terms.

I couldn't just grab a quick fix like I would at the McDonald's drive-thru. He wants my heart so that He can give me His...so that He can be all that I need.

I recognized my need for DETOX time from all the burdens, trials, concerns, accusations, struggles, etc. that had been building or been heaped on me all summer. I could see that in order to connect well with Him, I needed to DETOX:

• Deliberate - sit quietly in His presence
• Explore what's on your mind and in your heart (needs, burdens, joys, weariness, ...)
• Tell Him about each thing that comes to mind
• Overrule the burdens by leaving them in His presence (Matthew 11.28)
• eXpress to Him your gratitude for taking on your burdens (Philippians 4.6)

When I give up my weariness for Him to carry, then I'll finally be able to start hearing Him again and it will build deeper intimacy in our relationship.

So now as I'm detoxing and feeling so much freer, I sense a renewed life coming on. It's wonderful. I highly recommend this detox program!!

:)

Clash of Hope comes to LifeCare

I'm wrapping up our current LifeCare group (Healing Tears) over these next couple weeks (but don't worry, it will be back). On Sept. 18th, however, I will begin a new group using my book Clash of Hope*. Having never led a group using this book before, I'm very excited to finally go through it with a group of women. Clash of Hope approaches the issue of relational conflict and pursues God's perspective on the issue. Writing the book was very rewarding...and now I get to process through it with some others...studying some biblical examples (both good and bad) and situations of conflict, sharing some of my own stories of course, digging into our own "stuff", exploring our feelings and beliefs about conflict, allowing conflict to "work for us", etc. One of my favorite parts of the book, however, is the part where we disect the armor of God and determine what each part is, how it functions and how to use it as God intended. If you'd like to join me on this 3 month journey, feel free to reply on this blog, or email me if you have my email address.

I hope you'll join me as we see how conflict can have hope and even move us toward peace and the realization that "you have been given fullness in Christ" (Colossians 2.10).


*To order a copy of Clash of Hope, go to www.carepointministry.com/conflict.html

Joy in the Inner Dungeon

I heard a teaching recently on Acts 16 regarding how Paul and Silas knew what God was calling them to...they knew their mission. Within their mission, they were stripped, beaten almost to death, thrown in the inner dungeon of a prison and put in stocks. It was because they knew their mission that they had an increased ability to endure suffering.

Good things for us to think about.

As I was applying this to my own life, I was struck by what Paul understood about his mission and what he was enduring. Maybe he had his own idea of what his mission would look like when he 'knew' (according to these verses) that God was calling him to Macedonia. Just like I have my own ideas of what my mission looks like in various areas...such as, with CarePoint, and with LifeCare.

But it appeared that Paul's mission was obstructed by all that he was suffering...being dragged away, stripped, severely beaten with wooden rods, put in the inner dungeon in stocks (16.18-25). Still, around midnight he and Silas were heard praying and singing and the other prisoners were listening. Paul seemed to completely trust God's mission for him, wherever it led him. He probably didn't know it at the time, but how else was the jailer and his entire household going to be saved??? God brought amazing redemption from the suffering.

It "appears" that some struggles in my life are obstructing my mission...but what is God doing? I have to trust that He's going to bring amazing redemption through what seems to be an obstruction to the mission...where it is more likely the more precise mission God has me on.... But there seemed to be a key aspect for Paul...and for me...Paul didn't know exactly where his mission would lead him, but he continued to rejoice, trusting that God would accomplish His mission through Paul and his joy and trust. That's what I want in my own mission. I easily forget the rejoicing part, but God can accomplish His mission right where I am...obstacles and all.

I have some questions for both of us...
What is going on in your life that seems to be obstructing what you perceive as your mission?
What is your response to that perceived obstruction?

In Paul's example, he prayed and sang hymns...something that, in those circumstances, arises out of trust in God's plan. That is not the natural response to suffering. Yet Paul responded with joy and trust.

Will I trust and choose joy in what seems like an obstruction but quite possibly may be a powerful tool that God will use to accomplish His mission?

God's Will from Swaziland

My friend, Patti (left), recently returned from a mission trip to Swaziland, Africa. We talked for hours about the impact of the trip on her life, and it spoke to me personally in many ways. I think the words that had the biggest impact on me were: "You ARE God's will." There may be times to seek God's will, but with Him living inside me, I AM GOD'S WILL.

I am His hands, His feet, His voice. The question becomes, How can I be the representation of Jesus right where I am? ...in my house? ...with my family or roommates? ...in my church? ...in my neighborhood?

How is He choosing to use my hands in this moment?
Where is He choosing to go in this moment?
What are the words that He is choosing to speak through my mouth in this moment?
I AM GOD'S WILL, because He lives in me.

Most specifically, I'm hearing Him speak to me:
"Be MY voice. They need me."

I'm recognizing that this is how I can have confidence. I have nothing to fear in speaking to others, because I open my mouth to be His voice. There is nothing to fear in embracing the wounded, because we are reaching out with His arms rather than our own. We, as His followers, ARE His will.

Jesus' authority questioned in the temple

I read Luke 20:1-2 recently: "One day as he was teaching the people in the temple courts and preaching the gospel, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, together with the elders, came up to him. 'Tell us by what authority you are doing these things,' they said. 'Who gave you this authority?'"

What struck me about this was that Jesus was in the temple when his authority was questioned. Today, WE are His temple. Our hearts were immediately transformed when Jesus entered in (Ezekiel 36.26), but our minds are in a process of transformation (Romans 12.2). Our minds still contain impurity and lies that have yet to be transformed (as we make choices to renew our minds), so we still have "Pharisees" in our minds that continue to question the authority of Jesus. As a result, we can end up confused, misguided and/or despairing. I'm challenged to claim the authority of Jesus in THIS temple.

Inadequacy and Leadership

These two words, inadequacy and leadership, don't seem to go together. I'm quite certain that if I were to go to monster.com seeking employment and pursue jobs for which I am inadequate, I would very likely find NO ONE to hire me. There is so much here that I could talk about relating to how Jesus dealt with this scenario, but for now I want to focus on something that God has shown me this past week.

I experienced a few days where I received criticism (some very harsh and rude) from at least five different people, all on different issues. Combined with some other situations such as having my kids home for summer break (and my routine completely thrown off), struggling to find adequate time with God, and facing my own self-criticism (with parenting, work, friendship, etc.), I spiraled quickly into some hours (fortunately not days or longer) of despair.

Recognizing my desperation and that God was the only one who could rescue me, I escaped to my garage and sat in my van in complete darkness at midnight. For an hour and a half I pursued God about what was stirring in me and where the feelings of despair were coming from. I pursued His perspective.

What I heard was that He has given me life and brought me to this place in life for a purpose, for His glory. I have a certain, unwritten, standard for myself by which I measure my own success. Others may use a similar standard to measure my success or adequacy as well. But He reminded me that my standard of success does not determine His glory or the accomplishment of His purpose. And my failure or inadequacy never limits His ability to receive glory. Quite the contrary, as I seek Him in my weakness and inadequacy and desperation, He's the one that provides the power and sufficiency, and is glorified...He becomes the hero.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12.9-11).

Today, I got a missions support letter from my friend Kathy, who has been in missions leadership for 15 years. She said, "I am not necessarily a 'leader' in the eyes of the world, yet God has given me a heart to serve; a heart to help people grow in their relationship with God. ...it's caring for people day in and day out."

At the end of the letter, she concluded:
"As I seek God for wisdom and strength to care for others, I am also reminded of the example of the Good Shepherd...'He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; He gently leads those that have young' (Is. 40:11). Please pray for me as I learn how to gather, carry and lead."

Many of us are not born leaders. Yet God calls us to pursue others...and many of us in various forms of shepherding. We may not feel equipped to handle leadership responsibilities, yet He has promised to be our strength in our weakness. Isaiah 40 is such a great reminder of what a shepherd is and does! I'm challenged to get on my knees, recognizing my inadequacy, and then to tend to those in my care, to gather them together, bringing unity to our relationships, being intimately connected with their hearts, and gently guiding them in their own leadership.

So I echo Kathy's words: "Please pray for me as I learn to gather, carry and lead."

Reflections of Wayne

It's so fitting that today, May 26th, is Memorial Day. Although he wasn't a veteran, May 26th is my brother's birthday, and he would have been 44 today. He died at age 40...3 years and 3 months ago after a 3 month intense struggle with cancer took its toll. Although those few final months are vivid in my memory in both painful and beautiful ways, my memory takes me back to one particular day just a few months before his illness evidenced itself. My dad and I were shooting at some targets at Wayne's house. Eventually Wayne came out to join us, holster and all, looking like a big kid playing John Wayne in some old western movie. My heart still laughs to think of the sight of him that day.

So, I'm just remembering....

Expectations

I feel like I've been away for so long...you probably feel the same since it's been several weeks since I've written anything new. I have been consumed with editing for a new phase of workbooks coming out this summer...sometime in July I suspect. This phase of editing is winding down nicely and we will have three new workbooks to offer on the topics of:
Spiritual Insecurity
Widows' Grief
Childhood Abuse

These are all beautifully written with compassion and hope and vision for the future.

On another note, I was just reviewing some teaching notes from some recent church services and I came across some intriguing notes on Expectations...and how Jesus failed to meet people's expectations.
-Judas wanted financial resolution
-the people honored Jesus with palm branches, but within a week, they yelled, "Crucify him!"
They possibly expected him to free them from Roman rule, and they were disappointed.

Do we have an expectation of what Jesus will do if we follow Him?
He calls us to die..."If you lose your life, you will find it."

As we draw close to Him, we'll pray less for our circumstances to change and more for our own hearts to change.

(Notes based on the teaching of Pastor Peter Rufener, Saline Community Church, 3/16/08.)

Lessons from Pooh bear

I just read this quote from A. A. Milne:

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh,” he whispered.
“Yes, Piglet?”
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw, “I just wanted to be sure of you.”
--A. A. Milne

Sometimes we don't need conversation or gifts or eloquent words or creative acts of service.... Sometimes, we just need to know our friend is still there.

Essentials for a church

I was putting my daughter, Allison, age 9, to bed tonight when she informed me of what she thought the most important things were for a church to have. Here's her list.

The Most Important Things For A Church To Have:

1. some sort of Bread product ...because the Bible says "Give us this day our daily bread."
2. A Pastor
3. Disciplers
4. Good Teaching/Teachers
5. Bibles
6. A Cross ...because that's what Jesus died on to save us.

Shopping on an empty spirit

In the mornings, I typically get my kids to school and then I eat breakfast and spent time with God after I get back home. That's a typical morning. Today was not a typical morning. As I was driving home from dropping the kids off, I was privileged to be the first vehicle to be blocked from continuing down the road to get home. There had been an accident where a car had gone off the road. Just as I approached, an ambulance, two fire trucks and a police car pulled up to block the entire road. I decided to backtrack and circle around to get home. Well, that took me right past Sam's Club, and I knew that I needed a few things for lunches, so I decided to take advantage of the convenience and go in.

It's very quiet in Sam's Club at 8 am, and most people are refreshed as they start their day. Many of the workers greeted me as I pushed my cart through the store, and I greeted them back. I was starting to feel the effects of not having eaten yet and was lacking a bit of momentum. One friendly worker said "Good morning" to me and asked how I was doing. I said I was good and asked how she was. She replied, "So far so good." Now all that was just fine, so for the life of me I don't know where my next comment came from. I commented, "Well, it's still early."

I walked away, asking myself, "What was that???????" for the next 5 minutes! The only thing I could come up with was that I was shopping on an empty spirit. I had not come with a refreshed, filled spirit, but I was running on fumes from the day before. The day before was a good day, but I need to be filled daily (often constantly) in order to overflow the fruit of the spirit.

So I came home, got my Life (cereal) and got my life filled with Him. :)

An Intent Look

I've been crazy-busy with lining up authors for this years' CarePoint releases. We expect to have at least 4 workbooks this summer and at least 4 more in December. Can people really write that fast??? We'll see. But rest assured, if it's not quality stuff, you won't see it.

As a sneak preview, here are a few of the topics we expect to have this year:

• Spiritual Insecurity
• Hope for Widows
• Infertility
• Post-partum Depression
• Fear
• and something along the lines of intimacy hunger / hunger for nurturing... (I will be co-authoring [to be announced later :) ] this one and we still have to nail down the details)

I'm so excited about all that's developing with CarePoint right now. But one thing that God has been speaking to me this past week is from Matthew 19.26. As Jesus was talking with His disciples, KJV says, "Jesus beheld them". A word study revealed the original meaning behind "beheld" in this verse (from the Greek "emblepo") meaning "earnest looking".

And "earnest" refers to being "active or diligent". I love the New Living Translation of this verse:

"Jesus looked at them intently."

When has someone looked at you "intently"? I know when I look at someone actively, earnestly or intently, it's because there's care, purpose, direction and deep connection. That's how Jesus looks at his followers...at me...and you if you follow Him.

I want to return the look and capture His gaze. I don't want to miss it.

The Best Christmas Tree

I realize it's a bit late for Christmas, but I just wanted to share my favorite Christmas tree picture...taken by my friend Maureen, with my friends Monika and Patti. :)

Like a Child

Jesus' disciples were arguing. First, I find it comforting that the people He chose to be closest to Himself were clearly imperfect and had issues. I can relate...and could fit in there.

Their argument in Matthew 18 was about which of the disciples was the greatest. Have you noticed any friends of yours that do that too? Have you had that competitive edge yourself? I do at times. As I thought about where that comes from, I thought there must be a sense of insignificance that drives us to compete in this way. Somehow, we must not be fully accepting and resting in the significance given to us by the God of the universe, our own Creator.

Jesus' response to the disciples' argument was to bring a child to stand in front of them, stating, (as Beth Moore puts it) "You want to see my idea of greatness? Take a look at this child."

Now I'm wondering, what was it about a child that made him/her great? Some possibilities I thought of were:

• unquestioning faith
• uninhibited intimacy
• authenticity...they're real...they haven't learned to feel one way and act another (and be passive/aggressive or wear a mask...)
• confidence in another's love (they don't need to compete for love; they trust it)
• A TENDER HEART

I was most struck by the last one. I think it's a tender heart that allows all the other things.

What would you add to this list? I'm curious to hear some replies.

Peace, Not War

Last night, the Lord brought to mind the hymn "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" as I re-read my last blog and the verse at the end. He was allowing me to see that I had been fighting hard against the enemy, and yet He wanted to bring me peace. There are times when we need to fight...and fight hard...and there are other times when we think we have to fight, but we really don't because He's already won. He was reminding me that this particular time was "a time to wage peace, not war" and to rest in the victory that He's already gained.

I was enjoying some peaceful worship time this morning as I joined Chris Tomlin in a chorus of "How can I keep from singing". It spoke to me in many ways today, but everytime I hear it, one particular line melts my heart: "I am loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing." And not only that, but I am (and you are too) loved by Him so much that He sings over you and me.

Zephaniah 3:17 (NKJV)
"The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."

January 12th Birthdays

Today, January 12th, I'm celebrating the birthday of two people in my life: my friend Monika and my friend Candi. Both of these women have impacted my life deeply with their faith, hope and love.

Today, I'm also being impacted by a different type of birth. God let me know many, many months ago that I was to write a workbook on the topic of FEAR. I wasn't sure why at the time...and I really didn't feel qualified, although I knew people I could consult, so I was agreeable to the task. Since then, God has revealed some truth to me about my own life...that fear exists in it. I think it's interesting that we can live in such a state of self-unawareness! So I rolled with the increasing insight into my own life, and I've been working through my fear-related issues and taking a lot of notes (for my own remembrance AND for the book), and I believe I've been learning and growing much in this area.

Yesterday, however, I told God that I was ready to be done with this issue. That I really didn't want to write this book. And that I'm okay to...to just...not grow in this area anymore...that I've grown quite a bit...and it's all good, but I can be done now. :) I reemphasized to Him that I really didn't want to write the book!

I don't think God and I were necessarily on the same page....

Earlier today, I was listening to a dvd from Dan Allender's conference. Dan talked about Abraham [known as Abram at the time] being called by God out of the comfortable and affluent society (Ur) in which he lived, and into an unspecified other place. According to Halley's Bible Handbook, "Just preceding the time of Abraham, it was the most magnificent city in all the world" (88). And then during Abraham's time, it remained an important city alongside Babylon. By societal standards, Ur was definitely the place to be!

But, as is often the case, God had a different plan and a differing idea of "the place to be". In Genesis 12.1, "The Lord had said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you.'" I'm guessing my response would have been something like, "But I am comfortable and secure right where I am. I already know there's nothing better on all the earth." But Abraham, being the [albeit flawed...just as I am] father of faith, left his comfort and security to just...go...not even knowing where he was going.

I was struck with this idea of leaving comfort and security and going wherever God leads, not yet knowing where that is. It hit home as we have just recently become convinced that it is time to leave our current church and continue on a journey. I'm stunned at how much insecurity gets stirred up in me with not knowing where I/we will end up.

God had revealed fears in me that I didn't know existed. And now I was ready to be done with the revelation and teaching...figuring He had taught me enough. Ha! He's committed to me, for better or worse. And He has reminded me that He is committed to seeing me through my fears, including the fear of writing this workbook ...on Fear.

So His reminder is like a new birth for me. It's a recommitment to the journey He has for me.

Lamentations 3:22-24 says,
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"

I will wait for Him...because His compassions are new every morning, and He is faithful. He provides each day as a new birthday.

Hope

I was just glancing at Matthew 21...Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem.
The people were celebrating...anticipating that this was their time for
deliverance. Those filled with hope had no idea that their hope was about
to be crushed literally to death. As I linger in that moment...those two or
three days where the hope was crushed and there is much confusion and
uncertainty and maybe even a sense of hopelessness for some, there's
heaviness...grieving...a passionate desire for things to be different. Then
suddenly death is transformed into life that has more depth and meaning and
hope than it could have ever contained before.

Recently, I've felt like I've been in those two or three days...in various ways. In one situation...where there had once been celebration, I feel death; in another...where I
was experiencing (and seeing) so much connection (and transformation) with
people, now the circumstances have changed...more grieving.
I'm anticipating and I sense (and I hope I sense correctly) that this death
that I feel will suddenly be "transformed into life that has more depth and
meaning and hope than it could have ever contained before."

We must hold onto that hope. Ours is a God who brings life out of death!