Lord, help me to be a woman...
...of understanding ...even when I'm not understood.
...who listens well ...even when I'm not heard.
...who cares tenderly ...even when I'm not cared for.
...who loves ...even when I'm hated.
...who sympathizes ...even when my own feelings are missed.
...who speaks life into the lives of others ...even when I face death.
...because my security and stability and peace are provided in You
...who understands, listens, cares, loves, knows and connects with every one of my feelings, and renews my life day after day...perfectly.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
The Road Out of Bondage
(I just found this in a journal last night...I had written it in August of 2004.)
When God brought Israel out of Egypt, out of their bondage, they rejoiced...they celebrated...they saw victory.
But the road out, and God's leading to the promised land, wasn't as flowery and pleasant as they had hoped and expected. God promises us that we'll end up in a beautiful place, but the journey to it may be filled with difficulty, disappointment, apparent hopelessness, obstacles, etc.
When the Israelites started experiencing difficulties on their journey, they wanted to turn back and return to their bondage. To us, sometimes it feels like it was and would be so much easier to just go back and live in those self-protective ways that held us in bondage. Like when I was more quiet and shy and didn't speak what was on my mind, people didn't necessarily enjoy me very often, but they had no reason to oppose me. I lived without much conflict, which at times, entices me back. But something inside me, that longed to live out truth was buried and denied a voice. It was kept in bondage. As God has drawn me out of that bondage and given me a voice to speak what is real in my heart, it has also brought much disruption to my own life as well as others.
The temptation to go back to the safety of bondage continually lurks about. But reality is that God is leading me out of bondage, sometimes through dry deserts, dangerous wilderness, and at times face to face with enemies, and His unexpected, wild journey for my life will find a "land flowing with milk and honey." In other words, if we faithfully continue on the journey, we will eventually and ultimately enter into the place of his perfect provision, a place of fulfilling joy and delight, freedom and peace.
When God brought Israel out of Egypt, out of their bondage, they rejoiced...they celebrated...they saw victory.
But the road out, and God's leading to the promised land, wasn't as flowery and pleasant as they had hoped and expected. God promises us that we'll end up in a beautiful place, but the journey to it may be filled with difficulty, disappointment, apparent hopelessness, obstacles, etc.
When the Israelites started experiencing difficulties on their journey, they wanted to turn back and return to their bondage. To us, sometimes it feels like it was and would be so much easier to just go back and live in those self-protective ways that held us in bondage. Like when I was more quiet and shy and didn't speak what was on my mind, people didn't necessarily enjoy me very often, but they had no reason to oppose me. I lived without much conflict, which at times, entices me back. But something inside me, that longed to live out truth was buried and denied a voice. It was kept in bondage. As God has drawn me out of that bondage and given me a voice to speak what is real in my heart, it has also brought much disruption to my own life as well as others.
The temptation to go back to the safety of bondage continually lurks about. But reality is that God is leading me out of bondage, sometimes through dry deserts, dangerous wilderness, and at times face to face with enemies, and His unexpected, wild journey for my life will find a "land flowing with milk and honey." In other words, if we faithfully continue on the journey, we will eventually and ultimately enter into the place of his perfect provision, a place of fulfilling joy and delight, freedom and peace.
She fell asleep while I was talking
I remember one of my roommates in college would get irritated with me when we would be talking late at night, lights out, ready to sleep...except for my thoughts that were wide awake. What irritated her wasn't that I would start talking at those hours; it was that I would pause and keep asking her if she was still awake. Often, the response was an exasperated, "Yes, I'm still awake."
I didn't understand it so well at the time, but one of my strongest love languages is Quality Time. When my roommate back in college would engage in that time with me and listen to me and talk with me, I felt loved and valued. There were times, though, when she would fall alseep while I was talking. In those times, having exposed my heart to vulnerability, her falling asleep brought a sense of being devalued and unloved.
Whatever our love language is, it's in that place that we often feel the most loved AND unloved.
After getting married, there were frequent times when my thoughts, as usual, would wake up and be ready for conversation as soon as the lights went out. There were occasional times when my husband just could not keep his eyes open and eventually fell asleep. Guess what emotions surfaced? Yep, those same devalued and unloved feelings. Eventually, I put up walls of self-protection and just chose to stop communicating at those times and buried the hurt rather than talk through it and find a way to make that communication work better.
This past year, a good friend and I were able to get away for a weekend. She has always amazed me with her ability to listen to me and she has told me, "You're easy to listen to; I don't know how anyone could fall asleep when you're talking. I enjoy listening to you." We're both 'night people', and to start our weekend away, after a full day, we drove all through the night...arriving at our destination at 7am...with me driving the whole time AND talking the majority of the time. We were both wide awake all through the night. She was so engaged and attentive. I felt so loved.
Last summer I spent a weekend with her. We had had an extremely full and exhausting day of ministry by the time we were winding down at 11pm, when she told all of us from our team that she was exhausted. So we went back to our room and got ready for bed. Each of us read over notes for the next day and then checked our email and facebook, chatting a bit as we did. Then, as we were winding down, I shut the light off and then asked her a question. We continued to talk for a little while, then I think I got a bit long-winded. When I heard the deeper breathing, I paused and quietly asked the most revealing question, "Are you still awake?"
Silence.
I remember feeling stunned and sad at first...and disbelief, but then there was an overwhelming sense of gratitude. In the past, I would have been hurt and offended, but in this moment, I remembered that she had said she was exhausted THREE HOURS earlier. And here she had still engaged in time with me for 3 hours!! And she had, quite literally, poured herself out for me to where she had absolutely nothing left to offer. I was humbled and immensely grateful for her sacrificial love.
The next morning I told her about it...but not as someone who was wounded or wanting to change her. But, instead, as someone who was deeply grateful and very, very richly blessed! Understanding Truth had set me free.
I didn't understand it so well at the time, but one of my strongest love languages is Quality Time. When my roommate back in college would engage in that time with me and listen to me and talk with me, I felt loved and valued. There were times, though, when she would fall alseep while I was talking. In those times, having exposed my heart to vulnerability, her falling asleep brought a sense of being devalued and unloved.
Whatever our love language is, it's in that place that we often feel the most loved AND unloved.
After getting married, there were frequent times when my thoughts, as usual, would wake up and be ready for conversation as soon as the lights went out. There were occasional times when my husband just could not keep his eyes open and eventually fell asleep. Guess what emotions surfaced? Yep, those same devalued and unloved feelings. Eventually, I put up walls of self-protection and just chose to stop communicating at those times and buried the hurt rather than talk through it and find a way to make that communication work better.
This past year, a good friend and I were able to get away for a weekend. She has always amazed me with her ability to listen to me and she has told me, "You're easy to listen to; I don't know how anyone could fall asleep when you're talking. I enjoy listening to you." We're both 'night people', and to start our weekend away, after a full day, we drove all through the night...arriving at our destination at 7am...with me driving the whole time AND talking the majority of the time. We were both wide awake all through the night. She was so engaged and attentive. I felt so loved.
Last summer I spent a weekend with her. We had had an extremely full and exhausting day of ministry by the time we were winding down at 11pm, when she told all of us from our team that she was exhausted. So we went back to our room and got ready for bed. Each of us read over notes for the next day and then checked our email and facebook, chatting a bit as we did. Then, as we were winding down, I shut the light off and then asked her a question. We continued to talk for a little while, then I think I got a bit long-winded. When I heard the deeper breathing, I paused and quietly asked the most revealing question, "Are you still awake?"
Silence.
I remember feeling stunned and sad at first...and disbelief, but then there was an overwhelming sense of gratitude. In the past, I would have been hurt and offended, but in this moment, I remembered that she had said she was exhausted THREE HOURS earlier. And here she had still engaged in time with me for 3 hours!! And she had, quite literally, poured herself out for me to where she had absolutely nothing left to offer. I was humbled and immensely grateful for her sacrificial love.
The next morning I told her about it...but not as someone who was wounded or wanting to change her. But, instead, as someone who was deeply grateful and very, very richly blessed! Understanding Truth had set me free.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Could I possibly be wrong???
Someone told me a while back, "You always think you're right, and you justify yourself." And then, not long ago, one of my kids said the same thing to me. My reaction to that is, "If I thought what I was doing was wrong, I wouldn't do it." So of course I'll think I'm right...and I can justify why I believe what I'm doing is right.
But I think there's a reason the comment is still resonating in my mind...and that more than one person said it.... I guess if someone (and esp if more than one person) is confronting me about something, I suppose it's possible, in my limited perspective, that I could be missing something.
I'm seeing that I need to be open to the possibility that my perspective could be distorted.
Paul (Saul at the time) was passionate about the things he was doing in the name of God and convinced that his actions were right. It didn't occur to him that anything was wrong in his actions until God blinded him and confronted him about "persecuting" God Himself. (Acts 9)
When his distorted perspective was revealed and healed, he didn't run away from the Truth or continue to justify himself. Instead, Saul was changed (even his name was changed to Paul) and he went forward with the same passion, but a new perspective, having had his eyes opened to the Truth.
I'm now praying for the courage to be wrong...and to acknowledge it and move forward in Truth.
But I think there's a reason the comment is still resonating in my mind...and that more than one person said it.... I guess if someone (and esp if more than one person) is confronting me about something, I suppose it's possible, in my limited perspective, that I could be missing something.
I'm seeing that I need to be open to the possibility that my perspective could be distorted.
Paul (Saul at the time) was passionate about the things he was doing in the name of God and convinced that his actions were right. It didn't occur to him that anything was wrong in his actions until God blinded him and confronted him about "persecuting" God Himself. (Acts 9)
When his distorted perspective was revealed and healed, he didn't run away from the Truth or continue to justify himself. Instead, Saul was changed (even his name was changed to Paul) and he went forward with the same passion, but a new perspective, having had his eyes opened to the Truth.
I'm now praying for the courage to be wrong...and to acknowledge it and move forward in Truth.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Opposition or Acceptance
I've been opposed at times in an attempt to be changed. I've also opposed others in an attempt to change them. I've found that it doesn't work. The times I've been most aware of my need to change and been the most humbled and ready for change are the times that I've been unconditionally accepted and known that I was loved deeply.
The Bible says that "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." I heard that verse used as justification for opposing me when someone has seen something in me that they don't think is right. In those times, the opposition has been harsh and I dig my heals in and tend to fight back.
It's interesting that I don't see God opposing me in those times. I think what that verse means is that there are some with hearts that are hardened in arrogance to seek their own way. There are others who have been so hurt that they build a wall of protection around their heart. The appearance can look very similar, but God is able to discern the difference and approach the arrogance with opposition and the wall with tender compassion that allows that person to lower the wall and humbly receive the tender, accepting, compassion.
My natural tendency, when I feel negatively impacted by someone, is to oppose them. Yet, I know that it's acceptance that draws me to see what's lacking in myself. When I'm loved really well, I see how much I fall short in loving well, and it humbles me and melts my heart. As Kari Jobe sings, "This love is so deep; it's more than I can stand. I melt in Your peace; it's overwhelming."*
*from the song, "The More I Seek You"
The Bible says that "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." I heard that verse used as justification for opposing me when someone has seen something in me that they don't think is right. In those times, the opposition has been harsh and I dig my heals in and tend to fight back.
It's interesting that I don't see God opposing me in those times. I think what that verse means is that there are some with hearts that are hardened in arrogance to seek their own way. There are others who have been so hurt that they build a wall of protection around their heart. The appearance can look very similar, but God is able to discern the difference and approach the arrogance with opposition and the wall with tender compassion that allows that person to lower the wall and humbly receive the tender, accepting, compassion.
My natural tendency, when I feel negatively impacted by someone, is to oppose them. Yet, I know that it's acceptance that draws me to see what's lacking in myself. When I'm loved really well, I see how much I fall short in loving well, and it humbles me and melts my heart. As Kari Jobe sings, "This love is so deep; it's more than I can stand. I melt in Your peace; it's overwhelming."*
*from the song, "The More I Seek You"
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Are You Sovereign?
I've been noticing a tendency in myself lately that where I see wrong, I feel a need to attack it, especially when it impacts my kids.
I started wondering what the story of Joseph would have looked like in Genesis 38-50 if I would have been Joseph's mother. If you haven't read the story, go read it now so you have the context.
If I would have been Joseph's mother...
...and maybe that is all fine and the right thing to do.
But the real question comes down to: do I have my faith in God's sovereignty or my own? That's a question only God and the heart know the answer to.
Even when Joseph had no human to take up his defense, he still had God's sovereignty. He trusted that God could use anything for good, even in the midst of complete chaos and destruction. And because of Joseph's faith in God's sovereignty, he was able to see God create beauty from chaos.
Where do we have our faith? ...in God's sovereignty or our own?
I started wondering what the story of Joseph would have looked like in Genesis 38-50 if I would have been Joseph's mother. If you haven't read the story, go read it now so you have the context.
If I would have been Joseph's mother...
- I would have gotten family counseling for our blended family issues.
- I would have pursued discipline for the brothers.
- I would have cautioned Joseph to try not to sound like he's bragging.
- I would have had my husband get some sort of coats for his other sons.
- I would have had Joseph's brothers take me to the scene of the crime.
- If I would have found out that he was sold into slavery, I would have followed the trade route into the city, with a sketch of my son, hired detectives if necessary, and found him.
- I would have either sought to buy him out of slavery OR hired a good lawyer to get him back, whether he was still living in the palace or in prison by now.
- I would have fought against Potiphar and/or Pharaoh to whatever extent I could come up with resources to fight.
- If I couldn't get him out of prison, I would have been praying AND strategizing every day, and visiting him daily.
...and maybe that is all fine and the right thing to do.
But the real question comes down to: do I have my faith in God's sovereignty or my own? That's a question only God and the heart know the answer to.
Even when Joseph had no human to take up his defense, he still had God's sovereignty. He trusted that God could use anything for good, even in the midst of complete chaos and destruction. And because of Joseph's faith in God's sovereignty, he was able to see God create beauty from chaos.
Where do we have our faith? ...in God's sovereignty or our own?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Fishing?
There are many good things about fishing; Jesus even chose some fishermen when He chose His disciples; in fact, His closest friends were fishermen. But Jesus actually told them to leave their fishing and come with Him, and He would teach them to fish for men.
How do you fish for men though? Some women could provide many ideas, but that’s not what I’m referring to here. Jesus wanted to reach men/people with the Good News of the Gospel, and He taught His disciples to fish for or reach people with this hope by His example of teaching, healing and serving. This is good fishing.
But not all fishing is good. Our own wounds can get in the way of our good fishing and corrupt our process. I’m sure you’ve experienced the type of fisherman who fishes for compliments, affirmation or security. Instead of giving out of purity, the gift becomes a trapping, painful lure.
Imagine being a fish and having a loving person drop tasty worms in the water to you….just because that person loves you, the fish and wants to bless you and pour life into you...kind of like we do with the fish in our fish tank at home. Then imagine that the same person, instead of purely seeking to pour life into you, is also craving something from you, maybe compliments and affirmation. That person wants to bless you, but their craving corrupts the intent. Now when that person drops the tasty worm into the water, you quickly come to realize that there’s a hook inside that worm and you are completely unable to enjoy what was offered because all that you feel is the sting of the barb and the painful control of the hook.
Possibly the most painful part for us, as the fish, is that the hook is disguised and hidden beneath something enjoyable and life-giving. Judas comes to mind. Being Jesus' disciple and friend, Judas sought out Jesus and kissed His face (Matthew 26.49). Vine's Dictionary describes the verse about this kiss as being more than the typical cultural kiss of brotherhood(1); the meaning in this context is a "kiss of genuine devotion". And in the next moment, the painful hook sunk into the heart of Jesus. Judas chose to corrupt a life-giving act in an attempt to gain something for himself. Whatever he was hoping to gain, though, cost him his life.
Jesus set an example for fishing for people--not to hide lures beneath what is beautiful, but to love through teaching, healing and serving by the Fruit of His Spirit. Life will come out of that.
(1) In Matthew 26.48, Judas tells the Jewish leaders that he will give them a sign by kissing the one they should arrest. Vine's Dictionary describes the use of the word "kiss" in this verse as a sign of brotherhood and love.
How do you fish for men though? Some women could provide many ideas, but that’s not what I’m referring to here. Jesus wanted to reach men/people with the Good News of the Gospel, and He taught His disciples to fish for or reach people with this hope by His example of teaching, healing and serving. This is good fishing.
But not all fishing is good. Our own wounds can get in the way of our good fishing and corrupt our process. I’m sure you’ve experienced the type of fisherman who fishes for compliments, affirmation or security. Instead of giving out of purity, the gift becomes a trapping, painful lure.
Imagine being a fish and having a loving person drop tasty worms in the water to you….just because that person loves you, the fish and wants to bless you and pour life into you...kind of like we do with the fish in our fish tank at home. Then imagine that the same person, instead of purely seeking to pour life into you, is also craving something from you, maybe compliments and affirmation. That person wants to bless you, but their craving corrupts the intent. Now when that person drops the tasty worm into the water, you quickly come to realize that there’s a hook inside that worm and you are completely unable to enjoy what was offered because all that you feel is the sting of the barb and the painful control of the hook.
Possibly the most painful part for us, as the fish, is that the hook is disguised and hidden beneath something enjoyable and life-giving. Judas comes to mind. Being Jesus' disciple and friend, Judas sought out Jesus and kissed His face (Matthew 26.49). Vine's Dictionary describes the verse about this kiss as being more than the typical cultural kiss of brotherhood(1); the meaning in this context is a "kiss of genuine devotion". And in the next moment, the painful hook sunk into the heart of Jesus. Judas chose to corrupt a life-giving act in an attempt to gain something for himself. Whatever he was hoping to gain, though, cost him his life.
Jesus set an example for fishing for people--not to hide lures beneath what is beautiful, but to love through teaching, healing and serving by the Fruit of His Spirit. Life will come out of that.
(1) In Matthew 26.48, Judas tells the Jewish leaders that he will give them a sign by kissing the one they should arrest. Vine's Dictionary describes the use of the word "kiss" in this verse as a sign of brotherhood and love.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
My heart hurts
My heart hurts. It brings Jesus to mind because His heart hurt too. When His good friend, Lazarus, died, and then Jesus talked with his sisters, He cried, along with Mary and the Jews that were comforting her. But "Jesus' weeping differed from that of the people. His quiet shedding of tears (edakrysen) differed from their loud wailing (klaiontas, v.33). His weeping was over the tragic consequences of sin."1
When I look at circumstances surrounding me, I see the sin that is causing turmoil, and my heart breaks. Certainly, it impacts me in painful ways, and in many ways I also relate to Mary who was weeping because of the pain in her circumstances, and because the One man she knew could have helped, didn't come in her timing.
My heart sometimes hurts more deeply than necessary because my faith, like Mary's, is limited. I know Jesus promises to save me when I need to be saved and call on Him (Romans 10.13, "For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved"), but my limited faith and developing my own ideas of what being "saved" looks like keep me from resting in that promise.
Like Mary mourning the death of her brother for four days, believing his death to be beyond Jesus' saving, she lost hope. My circumstances may look similar and sometimes feel beyond Jesus' saving, but as I weep over the "tragic consequences of sin" that encircle my circumstances, I must also fill my heart and mind with the Truth of who Jesus is and what He promises me.
The Truth is, it is never too late for resurrection. The Truth is, He will save me in His perfect timing in a perfect way when I'm trusting Him (Rom. 10.13). The Truth is, everything will work together for good when God has called us to Himself and we respond out of love for Him (Rom. 8.28). Feel free to comment with more Truth. It's the Truth that will set us free (Jn. 8.32).
Let's keep filling our minds with Truth allowing our faith to grow strong.
1Walvoord, John F. & Roy B. Zuck. The Bible Knowledge Commentary. Cook Communications: Colorado Springs, CO; 2000.
When I look at circumstances surrounding me, I see the sin that is causing turmoil, and my heart breaks. Certainly, it impacts me in painful ways, and in many ways I also relate to Mary who was weeping because of the pain in her circumstances, and because the One man she knew could have helped, didn't come in her timing.
My heart sometimes hurts more deeply than necessary because my faith, like Mary's, is limited. I know Jesus promises to save me when I need to be saved and call on Him (Romans 10.13, "For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved"), but my limited faith and developing my own ideas of what being "saved" looks like keep me from resting in that promise.
Like Mary mourning the death of her brother for four days, believing his death to be beyond Jesus' saving, she lost hope. My circumstances may look similar and sometimes feel beyond Jesus' saving, but as I weep over the "tragic consequences of sin" that encircle my circumstances, I must also fill my heart and mind with the Truth of who Jesus is and what He promises me.
The Truth is, it is never too late for resurrection. The Truth is, He will save me in His perfect timing in a perfect way when I'm trusting Him (Rom. 10.13). The Truth is, everything will work together for good when God has called us to Himself and we respond out of love for Him (Rom. 8.28). Feel free to comment with more Truth. It's the Truth that will set us free (Jn. 8.32).
Let's keep filling our minds with Truth allowing our faith to grow strong.
1Walvoord, John F. & Roy B. Zuck. The Bible Knowledge Commentary. Cook Communications: Colorado Springs, CO; 2000.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Washed Clean: How to deal with nakedness
I like to have a clean vehicle, and although I keep it clean inside, the outside seems to make it through the car wash only about once a year. Yesterday was that day for this year.
I had just gotten home from an 1100 mile trip of night driving which left the windshield severely splattered with bugs. I noticed the gradual increase in bug-coverage as we drove along, but just adapted to the reduced visibility as needed, especially since I forgot to clean the windshield when we stopped for gas. Somehow I just got used to looking through the bug infestation to see the road and the world beyond.
Yesterday, though, I went to the car wash where some intense scrubbing took place. As I drove away, there was a strange feeling of exposure with having such a clean view--knowing I could see out, and others could see in, more authentically. Nothing was hidden--nothing was hiding me--and I felt almost naked...like some significant covering was missing. It was awkward and uncomfortable, yet it was good and right to be clean and to have the impurities and distortions removed.
Sometimes I feel that way with my life. I can get so used to distortions in my life that it feels uncomfortable when they're removed. For example, for much of my adult life, I ran to people to help me feel secure. It was an unhealthy dependence I had on them, and they typically felt a demandingness from me to meet my needs. Although the security it provided was never sufficient, it still provided some sense of security.
Several years ago, the pain it brought to my friendships began to outweigh the benefit, and I knew something had to change. With God's help, I loosened my grip on my friendships and began an intentional pursuit of God for my security. As I was letting go of the demands on my friends, the requirements I put on the friendships, and the things I was doing in those relationships to try to make sure I was as secure as possible, I realized I was getting spiritually cleaner and purified, and yet feeling uncomfortable and awkward, as if I was lacking the clothing that brought security...similar to the covering the bugs on my windshield provided. The clothing I longed for, though, was impure. I didn't know what to do with the emotional and spiritual nakedness I felt. As I continued to run to the pure covering of Jesus, He gradually provided a new, healthy covering of security...where I could live authentically and securely.
Is there an impure covering you're longing for? ...something you feel safer hiding behind? Choosing to let go of things that are not of God may increase that feeling. You may feel naked and exposed as He washes you clean. But pursuing God's sufficiency will ultimately bring us security, authenticity and peace.
I had just gotten home from an 1100 mile trip of night driving which left the windshield severely splattered with bugs. I noticed the gradual increase in bug-coverage as we drove along, but just adapted to the reduced visibility as needed, especially since I forgot to clean the windshield when we stopped for gas. Somehow I just got used to looking through the bug infestation to see the road and the world beyond.
Yesterday, though, I went to the car wash where some intense scrubbing took place. As I drove away, there was a strange feeling of exposure with having such a clean view--knowing I could see out, and others could see in, more authentically. Nothing was hidden--nothing was hiding me--and I felt almost naked...like some significant covering was missing. It was awkward and uncomfortable, yet it was good and right to be clean and to have the impurities and distortions removed.
Sometimes I feel that way with my life. I can get so used to distortions in my life that it feels uncomfortable when they're removed. For example, for much of my adult life, I ran to people to help me feel secure. It was an unhealthy dependence I had on them, and they typically felt a demandingness from me to meet my needs. Although the security it provided was never sufficient, it still provided some sense of security.
Several years ago, the pain it brought to my friendships began to outweigh the benefit, and I knew something had to change. With God's help, I loosened my grip on my friendships and began an intentional pursuit of God for my security. As I was letting go of the demands on my friends, the requirements I put on the friendships, and the things I was doing in those relationships to try to make sure I was as secure as possible, I realized I was getting spiritually cleaner and purified, and yet feeling uncomfortable and awkward, as if I was lacking the clothing that brought security...similar to the covering the bugs on my windshield provided. The clothing I longed for, though, was impure. I didn't know what to do with the emotional and spiritual nakedness I felt. As I continued to run to the pure covering of Jesus, He gradually provided a new, healthy covering of security...where I could live authentically and securely.
Is there an impure covering you're longing for? ...something you feel safer hiding behind? Choosing to let go of things that are not of God may increase that feeling. You may feel naked and exposed as He washes you clean. But pursuing God's sufficiency will ultimately bring us security, authenticity and peace.
Thoughts from Matthew 11.28-30, "Come to Me"
A yoke, when attached to any creature, provides a burden. I thought it was interesting that Jesus did NOT say, "Let me take all yokes from you."
Here are His words:
"'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.'"
There is still a burden that He expects us to carry, but that burden is lightweight and is the perfect burden for us to continue moving through His purpose for our lives.
What IS that burden? that yoke? ...and what are we to learn from Him?
Aware of His two greatest commands to love God and love others, I'm wondering if it (the burden He intends for us to carry) might be yielding to and allowing His Spirit to live through us so that we can be a tool through which He displays the fruit of the Spirit to others: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. We don't make the fruit; we yield to the process.
Here are His words:
"'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.'"
There is still a burden that He expects us to carry, but that burden is lightweight and is the perfect burden for us to continue moving through His purpose for our lives.
What IS that burden? that yoke? ...and what are we to learn from Him?
Aware of His two greatest commands to love God and love others, I'm wondering if it (the burden He intends for us to carry) might be yielding to and allowing His Spirit to live through us so that we can be a tool through which He displays the fruit of the Spirit to others: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. We don't make the fruit; we yield to the process.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
May The Scales Fall
My son, Tim, asked me to read a book he had to read for school, Night, about one surviving Jew's story of the extermination of the Jews in Hungary under Hitler's regime. It's so sad...and mind boggling how someone's thinking can be so twisted and corrupted.
Then the Apostle Paul comes to mind. Paul, then known as Saul, was passionate. He boldly lived out what he was convinced of--what he believed was right. He was determined and successful in the mission he was carrying out (exterminating Christians). Unfortunately, he was deceived and unable to see truth, but he was also unable to discern his own blindness to truth.
Finally God got his attention by physically blinding him. His physical blindness allowed him to see the truth of his spiritual blindness. Eventually, the "scales" fell off his eyes and he was finally able to see both physically and spiritually. I wonder if the scales were what God used to cause the physical blindness OR if the scales were already there causing the spiritual blindness, and finally, understanding truth, they came off.
I'm constantly seeing and interacting with people who are spiritually blind. They believe they see truth. Sometimes it's a teenager who's convinced his parents are ruining his life, so he fights against them. Sometimes it's misunderstandings in who we really are (self-concept) that cause us to think others are against us...and we attack them...and sometimes ourselves.
We need God's truth. We need to understand, in those times, that we have a spiritual blindness that steals our joy and our God-given purpose. We need the scales to fall from our eyes.
Then the Apostle Paul comes to mind. Paul, then known as Saul, was passionate. He boldly lived out what he was convinced of--what he believed was right. He was determined and successful in the mission he was carrying out (exterminating Christians). Unfortunately, he was deceived and unable to see truth, but he was also unable to discern his own blindness to truth.
Finally God got his attention by physically blinding him. His physical blindness allowed him to see the truth of his spiritual blindness. Eventually, the "scales" fell off his eyes and he was finally able to see both physically and spiritually. I wonder if the scales were what God used to cause the physical blindness OR if the scales were already there causing the spiritual blindness, and finally, understanding truth, they came off.
I'm constantly seeing and interacting with people who are spiritually blind. They believe they see truth. Sometimes it's a teenager who's convinced his parents are ruining his life, so he fights against them. Sometimes it's misunderstandings in who we really are (self-concept) that cause us to think others are against us...and we attack them...and sometimes ourselves.
We need God's truth. We need to understand, in those times, that we have a spiritual blindness that steals our joy and our God-given purpose. We need the scales to fall from our eyes.
Friday, May 21, 2010
What's really behind this controversial word...submission?
Submission has been very misunderstood; I think, possibly more than any other word or concept in the Bible. Both men and women typically misunderstand it...in different ways, however. But today I'm getting more insight into it, for both men and women.
Paul talks about it in Ephesians saying it is for everyone, and husbands and wives to submit to each other (Eph. 5.21), and then gets a little more detailed with the inner workings of the relationship that is filled with the Holy Spirit.
Let's backtrack a bit, though, and really look at what submission is as God intended. In James 3.16, James describes how it is jealousy and selfishness that bring disorder and evil. There is no godly wisdom in this kind of behavior. A truly wise person, however, 'though tempted, will not dig his heals in to fight the jealousy and selfishness, but instead, will respond as someone filled with the Holy Spirit. Eph. 5.18 says, "Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill and control you." Verses 19-21 describe what will happen in us as a result of letting the Holy Spirit fill and control us: "Then you will sing...making music to the Lord in your hearts. And you will always give thanks for everything to God.... And further, you will submit to one another."
Submission is not something to be demanded, but it is rather a result of the Holy Spirit filling us, controlling us and overflowing out of us. Now go back to James. James describes what it looks like to be someone filled with the Holy Spirit and controlled by the Holy Spirit, with the wisdom and the fruit of the Spirit flowing out of us as we respond to worldly actions, particularly jealousy and selfishness.
Characteristics that will flow out of us, as we are filled with the Holy Spirit, are healthy peace-making characteristics:
In considering submission as "a willingness to yield to others", first, having a willingness is something that can never be demanded. The will is an internal thing that no one can make you change. And second, the word "yield" conjures up images of road signs and how we respond to those. If I'm driving where two lanes merge into one, there is typically a sign that says, "yield" for one of the lanes, just so we don't crash. Yielding is simply a courteous, considerate action; NOT an action that shows the other person to be dominant. Actually, it seems to be the opposite. A gentleman who politely holds a door for a woman is yielding to her, submitting to her, by letting her go first. His behavior, in this way, sets him apart as respectable and honorable.
I realize some women have developed some deviated thinking on issues like that, and there are some men too who have tried to use this type of yielding behavior in dominating and demanding ways. That would be impure and not of the Spirit.
But we can choose to be filled with the Holy Spirit and allow Him to live virtuously through us.
So let's go back to the driving and road analogy. If I'm driving along on the highway and some wild and selfish driver comes speeding up to me driving recklessly and carelessly, worldly thinking would say I need to teach him a lesson or make him pay for his bad behavior. Godly wisdom, however, would likely yield and move aside with gentleness, mercy and peace (maybe even smiling and waving as he goes by), knowing that as James 3.18 goes on to say, "peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness."
I am in no way saying to allow another person to abuse you. Love sets boundaries in those relationships for the benefit of both people.
Look at it this way. My son is a black belt in karate. When someone attacks, my son has learned how to let the other person wear himself out by, in a sense, yielding to that person's momentum. Maybe you saw some of the first Karate Kid movies where Mr. Miyagi does this. Someone throws a punch and Mr. Miyagi quickly and calmly steps aside. He continues to dodge punches, using very little energy while the angry punch-thrower exhausts and frustrates himself with his ineffective effort.
Mr. Miyagi was yielding, yet it made him the strong one.
These are just some thoughts I had on the subject today. Of course, it is much, much broader and more complex than I've presented in these few paragraphs; nonetheless, food for thought.
Paul talks about it in Ephesians saying it is for everyone, and husbands and wives to submit to each other (Eph. 5.21), and then gets a little more detailed with the inner workings of the relationship that is filled with the Holy Spirit.
Let's backtrack a bit, though, and really look at what submission is as God intended. In James 3.16, James describes how it is jealousy and selfishness that bring disorder and evil. There is no godly wisdom in this kind of behavior. A truly wise person, however, 'though tempted, will not dig his heals in to fight the jealousy and selfishness, but instead, will respond as someone filled with the Holy Spirit. Eph. 5.18 says, "Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill and control you." Verses 19-21 describe what will happen in us as a result of letting the Holy Spirit fill and control us: "Then you will sing...making music to the Lord in your hearts. And you will always give thanks for everything to God.... And further, you will submit to one another."
Submission is not something to be demanded, but it is rather a result of the Holy Spirit filling us, controlling us and overflowing out of us. Now go back to James. James describes what it looks like to be someone filled with the Holy Spirit and controlled by the Holy Spirit, with the wisdom and the fruit of the Spirit flowing out of us as we respond to worldly actions, particularly jealousy and selfishness.
Characteristics that will flow out of us, as we are filled with the Holy Spirit, are healthy peace-making characteristics:
- purity
- a peace-loving perspective
- gentleness at all times
- a willingness to yield to others (ie, submission)
- mercy
- good deeds
- impartiality
- sincerity
In considering submission as "a willingness to yield to others", first, having a willingness is something that can never be demanded. The will is an internal thing that no one can make you change. And second, the word "yield" conjures up images of road signs and how we respond to those. If I'm driving where two lanes merge into one, there is typically a sign that says, "yield" for one of the lanes, just so we don't crash. Yielding is simply a courteous, considerate action; NOT an action that shows the other person to be dominant. Actually, it seems to be the opposite. A gentleman who politely holds a door for a woman is yielding to her, submitting to her, by letting her go first. His behavior, in this way, sets him apart as respectable and honorable.
I realize some women have developed some deviated thinking on issues like that, and there are some men too who have tried to use this type of yielding behavior in dominating and demanding ways. That would be impure and not of the Spirit.
But we can choose to be filled with the Holy Spirit and allow Him to live virtuously through us.
So let's go back to the driving and road analogy. If I'm driving along on the highway and some wild and selfish driver comes speeding up to me driving recklessly and carelessly, worldly thinking would say I need to teach him a lesson or make him pay for his bad behavior. Godly wisdom, however, would likely yield and move aside with gentleness, mercy and peace (maybe even smiling and waving as he goes by), knowing that as James 3.18 goes on to say, "peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness."
I am in no way saying to allow another person to abuse you. Love sets boundaries in those relationships for the benefit of both people.
Look at it this way. My son is a black belt in karate. When someone attacks, my son has learned how to let the other person wear himself out by, in a sense, yielding to that person's momentum. Maybe you saw some of the first Karate Kid movies where Mr. Miyagi does this. Someone throws a punch and Mr. Miyagi quickly and calmly steps aside. He continues to dodge punches, using very little energy while the angry punch-thrower exhausts and frustrates himself with his ineffective effort.
Mr. Miyagi was yielding, yet it made him the strong one.
These are just some thoughts I had on the subject today. Of course, it is much, much broader and more complex than I've presented in these few paragraphs; nonetheless, food for thought.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
clean needle vending machines
It bothers me that we live in a society that prefers to deal with symptoms rather than problems (ie, the cause of the symptoms). Drugs are given for high blood pressure rather than dealing with the hyper-tension that is typically the cause of it. Guns may be taken away from everyone instead of dealing with the violent behavior of the minority. Society has chosen to deal with STDs, immorality, and infidelity by providing condoms rather than advocating morality. I can imagine how society will soon be dealing with the problem of drug addiction. A condom vending machine in a high school bathroom has just as much ethics as a clean needle vending machine in a public restroom or a life-like mannequin of yourself to sleep in your bed so your spouse won't know you're away having an affair.
We need to get to the root causes of our emotionally and physically unhealthy symptoms. There's freedom there, but not in masking the problem.
We need to get to the root causes of our emotionally and physically unhealthy symptoms. There's freedom there, but not in masking the problem.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Love and War
I just watched John and Stasi Eldredge's webcast for their new book, Love and War. Very informative and helpful for navigating through all kinds of marriage issues. I've found most marriage books to be rather frustrating and have often felt like I've been 'missed' as I've read though a typical marriage book's suggestions. But with Love and War, I feel understood. You should read it. It can be ordered on their website at www.ransomedheart.com.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Watch!
He was horrified, and they fell asleep!!
Jesus, about to be arrested and crucified, told his three closest friends to, "Stay here and watch with me."(1) "Watch" refers to "being alert to spiritual dangers."(2) Jesus went a little further in the garden to pray, but not like we pray, and apparently prayer that was beyond the comprehension of his friends.
"The full impact of His death and its spiritual consequences struck Jesus and He staggered under its weight. The prospect of alienation from His Father horrified Him." (3)
Still, as He awakened His friends, He admonished them again, "Keep alert and pray", (4) meaning, "acknowledge dependence on God so that you will not fall into temptation." (5)
In the New Testament, Paul instructs believers, and especially leaders, to "watch" regarding their integrity, care and direction. (6) Jesus, however, instructed His disciples regarding only one other scenario in which to "Watch": regarding His return. He said according to Matt. 24.42 and Mark 13.35, "Therefore keep watch because you do not know on what day the Lord will come." Luke gives an account of a discussion that Jesus has with his disciples in the temple where He tells them to, "Watch out! Don't let me find you living in careless ease and drunkenness, and filled with the worries of this life. Don't let that day catch you unaware, as in a trap. For that day will come upon everyone living on the earth. Keep a constant watch. And pray...." (7)
As I attempt to apply this to my own life, I'm challenged to stay aware and alert to the prospect that He will return for me and it could be at any moment. Am I ready? Am I alert to spiritual dangers, such as dependence on myself, falling asleep (becoming lax) at critical times, the potential to fall into temptation, etc.? And am I committed to prayer...acknowledging my dependence on God so that I will not fall into temptation?
For more on this, Paul's instructions to the believers at various churches provide a little more substance and practical application to the idea of keeping watch (see footnote 6).
1 Matthew. 26.38, 40; Mark 14.34, 37
2 The Bible Knowledge Commentary
3 The Bible Knowledge Commentary
4 Matt. 26.41, Mark 14.38
5 The Bible Knowledge Commentary
6 Acts 20.31, 1 Cor. 16.13, Col. 4.2, 1 Thess. 5.6, 1 Tim. 4.16, 2 Tim. 4.5, Heb. 13.17, 1 Pet. 4.7
7 Luke 21.34-36a
Jesus, about to be arrested and crucified, told his three closest friends to, "Stay here and watch with me."(1) "Watch" refers to "being alert to spiritual dangers."(2) Jesus went a little further in the garden to pray, but not like we pray, and apparently prayer that was beyond the comprehension of his friends.
"The full impact of His death and its spiritual consequences struck Jesus and He staggered under its weight. The prospect of alienation from His Father horrified Him." (3)
Still, as He awakened His friends, He admonished them again, "Keep alert and pray", (4) meaning, "acknowledge dependence on God so that you will not fall into temptation." (5)
In the New Testament, Paul instructs believers, and especially leaders, to "watch" regarding their integrity, care and direction. (6) Jesus, however, instructed His disciples regarding only one other scenario in which to "Watch": regarding His return. He said according to Matt. 24.42 and Mark 13.35, "Therefore keep watch because you do not know on what day the Lord will come." Luke gives an account of a discussion that Jesus has with his disciples in the temple where He tells them to, "Watch out! Don't let me find you living in careless ease and drunkenness, and filled with the worries of this life. Don't let that day catch you unaware, as in a trap. For that day will come upon everyone living on the earth. Keep a constant watch. And pray...." (7)
As I attempt to apply this to my own life, I'm challenged to stay aware and alert to the prospect that He will return for me and it could be at any moment. Am I ready? Am I alert to spiritual dangers, such as dependence on myself, falling asleep (becoming lax) at critical times, the potential to fall into temptation, etc.? And am I committed to prayer...acknowledging my dependence on God so that I will not fall into temptation?
For more on this, Paul's instructions to the believers at various churches provide a little more substance and practical application to the idea of keeping watch (see footnote 6).
1 Matthew. 26.38, 40; Mark 14.34, 37
2 The Bible Knowledge Commentary
3 The Bible Knowledge Commentary
4 Matt. 26.41, Mark 14.38
5 The Bible Knowledge Commentary
6 Acts 20.31, 1 Cor. 16.13, Col. 4.2, 1 Thess. 5.6, 1 Tim. 4.16, 2 Tim. 4.5, Heb. 13.17, 1 Pet. 4.7
7 Luke 21.34-36a
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Where the Truth Lies
Have you ever observed someone who is so totally convinced of something that they believe is truth, but you know it's not truth...it's a perception that's skewed...it's a lie...?
As a kid, there was a closet door in our house where a knot in the grain of the wood appeared to be a scary face looking at me. Unfortunately, for me, the door was within view when I was lying in bed. It scared me...as if there was something evil about the door. But why? The door had no power over me whatsoever...it was just a piece of wood. So why was I scared? I believed (as truth) something about the lines and shapes and design in the wood, and that belief caused me to behave in ways that brought about fear, anxiety, inability to sleep at times, sometimes crying, ....
How different would my response have been if I would have believed actual truth rather than perceived truth. I would have recognized that I'm looking at a piece of wood that I have total control over...and could cut out any part of it that didn't look quite right. Of course, I would have had to face my parents in that scenario, but that's another story....
I was reading in Jeremiah this morning, chapter 14. Jeremiah was a prophet who, devoted to God, presented messages from God to God's people, Israel. Judah was a tribe of Israel, and in chapter 14, God sends a message through Jeremiah to Judah. After many strong warnings, because Judah had been so wicked and arrogant and chose to leave God behind, God sent a message that He would "'give [Judah] only war, famine and disease.'" (v.12)
Judah's own prophets, however, had been telling them that, "'All is well--no war or famine will come. The Lord will surely send you peace.'" (v. 13)
Here's God's reply to Jeremiah in verse 14:
"Then the Lord said, 'These prophets are telling lies in my name. I did not send them or tell them to speak. I did not give them any messages. They prophesy of visions and revelations they have never seen or heard. They speak foolishness made up in their own lying hearts.'"
After reading that this morning, it occurred to me just how important it is to have truth in our hearts. We can only speak truth out of truth. If I would have given instruction to someone when I was a kid about the closet door in our house or the impact it would have on someone to sleep in my room, my instruction would have been very skewed from the truth because of the lie I was believing in my heart.
We need to make sure that our "perceptions" of truth are really not lies but rather God's truth. It's why David, in Psalm 139, prayed,
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
David understood that his own perception of truth could be skewed and not really be truth at all, so he knew he needed God to continually search his heart for places where misperceptions have crept in. It was important for his own life, but extremely significant as a leader since his beliefs/perceptions of truth (or lies) impacted every person he was leading...and since his entire kingdom was dependent on what existed in his own heart.
How do you and I know that we are believing God's truth? We, first, must be willing to see where we're not...and pray as David did in Psalm 139. Then take a look, as David was willing to do, with God, at those anxious thoughts.
This may need a Part 2 eventually....
As a kid, there was a closet door in our house where a knot in the grain of the wood appeared to be a scary face looking at me. Unfortunately, for me, the door was within view when I was lying in bed. It scared me...as if there was something evil about the door. But why? The door had no power over me whatsoever...it was just a piece of wood. So why was I scared? I believed (as truth) something about the lines and shapes and design in the wood, and that belief caused me to behave in ways that brought about fear, anxiety, inability to sleep at times, sometimes crying, ....
How different would my response have been if I would have believed actual truth rather than perceived truth. I would have recognized that I'm looking at a piece of wood that I have total control over...and could cut out any part of it that didn't look quite right. Of course, I would have had to face my parents in that scenario, but that's another story....
I was reading in Jeremiah this morning, chapter 14. Jeremiah was a prophet who, devoted to God, presented messages from God to God's people, Israel. Judah was a tribe of Israel, and in chapter 14, God sends a message through Jeremiah to Judah. After many strong warnings, because Judah had been so wicked and arrogant and chose to leave God behind, God sent a message that He would "'give [Judah] only war, famine and disease.'" (v.12)
Judah's own prophets, however, had been telling them that, "'All is well--no war or famine will come. The Lord will surely send you peace.'" (v. 13)
Here's God's reply to Jeremiah in verse 14:
"Then the Lord said, 'These prophets are telling lies in my name. I did not send them or tell them to speak. I did not give them any messages. They prophesy of visions and revelations they have never seen or heard. They speak foolishness made up in their own lying hearts.'"
After reading that this morning, it occurred to me just how important it is to have truth in our hearts. We can only speak truth out of truth. If I would have given instruction to someone when I was a kid about the closet door in our house or the impact it would have on someone to sleep in my room, my instruction would have been very skewed from the truth because of the lie I was believing in my heart.
We need to make sure that our "perceptions" of truth are really not lies but rather God's truth. It's why David, in Psalm 139, prayed,
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
David understood that his own perception of truth could be skewed and not really be truth at all, so he knew he needed God to continually search his heart for places where misperceptions have crept in. It was important for his own life, but extremely significant as a leader since his beliefs/perceptions of truth (or lies) impacted every person he was leading...and since his entire kingdom was dependent on what existed in his own heart.
How do you and I know that we are believing God's truth? We, first, must be willing to see where we're not...and pray as David did in Psalm 139. Then take a look, as David was willing to do, with God, at those anxious thoughts.
This may need a Part 2 eventually....
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Failure and people-pleasing
I'm going to be pretty transparent today. I've been feeling like I'm failing in so many areas: parenting, marriage, publishing, spiritually, with extended family, with friends. My reality is that I'm not living as a people-pleaser like I used to, but I'm still listening to their level of satisfaction with me. In the past, if I thought someone was dissatisfied with me or something I was doing, I'd change in ways that I thought would make them happier with me. But, now, committed to living out of conviction and who I am instead, I'm not changing according to their satisfaction. However, I'm still aware of 'my interpretation' of their satisfaction with me...and I'm drawing conclusions about how well I'm doing based on that.
People are dissatisfied with quantity of time I spend with them, or how much I reach out to them, or how I handle a situation, or what clothes I buy, or how well I'm taking care of _________, or whether or not I do this or do that.... (And sometimes I'm just dissatisfied with myself.)
I can't live out of conviction and keep everyone happy with me. Apparently, there's something in me that believes that if I can satisfy people, I'm okay...or successful and not a failure...and if they're dissatisfied with me, then I've failed.
My tendency is to look, first, to a person to see if they're satisfied. If so, then I look to the level of success of the performance and draw my conclusion. Conclusion: If the person is dissatisfied or the performance isn't great, then I've failed. And looking at my life this way right now, there's a lot of failing...and my belief is that I'm a failure. I know this thinking isn't right, and yet this is my reality.
So I asked God what He wanted me to know about this.
God's response to me:
"I've already determined the outcomes."
That, alone, took the pressure completely off. It really doesn't matter how I 'perform' (assuming I'm loving Him and pursuing His purpose for me) because He will still bring about the result that He wants.
"I just want you to live in the situations where I put you. If you do well, great; and if you blow it, I'll change it to work for good." (Rom. 8.28)
"The result is not for your concern. I don't want your success; I want your worship."
Selah.
People are dissatisfied with quantity of time I spend with them, or how much I reach out to them, or how I handle a situation, or what clothes I buy, or how well I'm taking care of _________, or whether or not I do this or do that.... (And sometimes I'm just dissatisfied with myself.)
I can't live out of conviction and keep everyone happy with me. Apparently, there's something in me that believes that if I can satisfy people, I'm okay...or successful and not a failure...and if they're dissatisfied with me, then I've failed.
My tendency is to look, first, to a person to see if they're satisfied. If so, then I look to the level of success of the performance and draw my conclusion. Conclusion: If the person is dissatisfied or the performance isn't great, then I've failed. And looking at my life this way right now, there's a lot of failing...and my belief is that I'm a failure. I know this thinking isn't right, and yet this is my reality.
So I asked God what He wanted me to know about this.
God's response to me:
"I've already determined the outcomes."
That, alone, took the pressure completely off. It really doesn't matter how I 'perform' (assuming I'm loving Him and pursuing His purpose for me) because He will still bring about the result that He wants.
"I just want you to live in the situations where I put you. If you do well, great; and if you blow it, I'll change it to work for good." (Rom. 8.28)
"The result is not for your concern. I don't want your success; I want your worship."
Selah.
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