Today, January 12th, I'm celebrating the birthday of two people in my life: my friend Monika and my friend Candi. Both of these women have impacted my life deeply with their faith, hope and love.
Today, I'm also being impacted by a different type of birth. God let me know many, many months ago that I was to write a workbook on the topic of FEAR. I wasn't sure why at the time...and I really didn't feel qualified, although I knew people I could consult, so I was agreeable to the task. Since then, God has revealed some truth to me about my own life...that fear exists in it. I think it's interesting that we can live in such a state of self-unawareness! So I rolled with the increasing insight into my own life, and I've been working through my fear-related issues and taking a lot of notes (for my own remembrance AND for the book), and I believe I've been learning and growing much in this area.
Yesterday, however, I told God that I was ready to be done with this issue. That I really didn't want to write this book. And that I'm okay to...to just...not grow in this area anymore...that I've grown quite a bit...and it's all good, but I can be done now. :) I reemphasized to Him that I really didn't want to write the book!
I don't think God and I were necessarily on the same page....
Earlier today, I was listening to a dvd from Dan Allender's conference. Dan talked about Abraham [known as Abram at the time] being called by God out of the comfortable and affluent society (Ur) in which he lived, and into an unspecified other place. According to Halley's Bible Handbook, "Just preceding the time of Abraham, it was the most magnificent city in all the world" (88). And then during Abraham's time, it remained an important city alongside Babylon. By societal standards, Ur was definitely the place to be!
But, as is often the case, God had a different plan and a differing idea of "the place to be". In Genesis 12.1, "The Lord had said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you.'" I'm guessing my response would have been something like, "But I am comfortable and secure right where I am. I already know there's nothing better on all the earth." But Abraham, being the [albeit flawed...just as I am] father of faith, left his comfort and security to just...go...not even knowing where he was going.
I was struck with this idea of leaving comfort and security and going wherever God leads, not yet knowing where that is. It hit home as we have just recently become convinced that it is time to leave our current church and continue on a journey. I'm stunned at how much insecurity gets stirred up in me with not knowing where I/we will end up.
God had revealed fears in me that I didn't know existed. And now I was ready to be done with the revelation and teaching...figuring He had taught me enough. Ha! He's committed to me, for better or worse. And He has reminded me that He is committed to seeing me through my fears, including the fear of writing this workbook ...on Fear.
So His reminder is like a new birth for me. It's a recommitment to the journey He has for me.
Lamentations 3:22-24 says,
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"
I will wait for Him...because His compassions are new every morning, and He is faithful. He provides each day as a new birthday.
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